Rumple-Idiot Worship

[martin ewen]

Peter panic's asked for more stories on Rumple.
I wondered if we might collect them all in one spot.
At least the titles.
Pete mentioned
The one about the 18 hour show
The one about british customs and hat as proof of income.
I can add
The one about being turned back at the (now defunkt) Czek border for among other things, wearing a false nose.
The ones about abandoning large audiences while he goes in search of things.
I know nicks got a bundle.

[em]

Hi Martin
where are ya?
hopefully rumpold is gonna tell us the stories himself, cos they gotta come from the pixies mouth to really get the full impact!
see you soon??
em http://www.performers.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Dead Wood Records]

It's about time Rumple came into the limelight Iv'e met him quite a few time and the last time I saw him was a few weeks ago at the Rotterdam Juggling fest, I was playing music to get em rocking a bit.

Aparently he did a twenty four hour non stop show there.

Rumpole just appeared from no-where which is what he normally does any-way. The tear before He stayed with us and we had a couple of great days with him, but as you all know you have to move him on because he can be a pain in the arse, but also great company.

He's definately not as stupid as he acts, he gets all around the place and he has no doubt played in places we would never have dreamed of.

He's a bloody hero and I have quite a few stories about him, he's an exellent artist and if you havn't set eyes on his book of noses they you haven't seen anything yet.

His pen drawings of Jesters and Characters made out of clocks and things are absolutely
wonderfull.

I've promised to help him make a book out of them but he's never around for long enough to get things organised. He's always loosing things, leaving everything till last minute.

He's a hell of a guy and the first time I saw him bouncing around on his springy shoes was in Sydney ( Circular Quay ) five years ago.

I have Rumpoles private e.mail address if you want to contact him.

Trevor Rooney

PS: He does check his e.mails periodically!

[Noel]

I think I can probably say that I've never met another street performer (apart from brand new ones), who didn't know who Rumple was.

He can turn up anywhere, no matter how unlikely it seems, and to be honest, I don't think I'd be surprised to see him wherever I was.

I think the topic heading 'Idiot Worship' is unwarranted though. The guy goes everywhere, his publicity material is great, and you can't say that he doesn't really live the part. Plus, he's a nice guy.

After some debate, I've come to the conclusion that he's a genius, although I can't remember how.

[Peter Voice]

This was in this months Artmedia newsletter from Alan Clay.

"Hello Alan it's Rumpelstiltskin here in London wishing you all well and all!! Crikey! Have been doing a few fests here & there! Did the Comedian's Feast in Romania a few mths back which was fun....well hard strange fun work! Also did a 24 hr non-stop jestering stint at the European Juggling Convention in Holland a couple of weeks back, in the No Fit State Circus Tent. Crikey! I would really like to do the Circomedia Circus course in Bristol England which starts in late September but i simply don't have the money! It costs £4175 for 10 mths! Does anyone have any suggestions for swift funding or whatever so i can make this course a reality? Please let me know a.s.a.p if you have any hints!" Cheeers & best regards Rumpelstiltskin. The Worldly Kangaroo Jester Of Oz! Crikey!"
pixiejester@yahoo.com

The Artmedia newsletter is a beauty, it's free and you can subscribe at http://www.artmedia.com.au

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!Put your hands up if you think i'm a GooOsE!I'm going to do a 43 hour show next year at the Festival Of Nincompoops,providing that there is an on-stage kitchen,shower,bar,bed & toilet!Signing Off The Worldly GooOsE Of Geeese!P.S.Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

P.S.GooOsE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gorblimey!When i was in Instanbul....i met a lovely black girl.....who invited me to check out some belly-dancing in some venue near the famous old blue mosque!When i was outside the mosque......i saw a big dog in the bushes....& thought"i'll be alright!"i turned my back on it and the sneaky bugger came up from behind & bit me fair square in the left leg!Crikey!Getting bitten in in the left leg by a wild German shepherd in Turkey is a bit of a culture shock!Signing Off The GoOosey Weazel!Gosh!Maybe i'll just write 3 trillion write ups,write now!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh crikey!I arrived at a town in Romania on the train & some attractive girl came to my assistance as i got off......& then my silly wheel rolled right off my trolley straight away!What a drag!I had to get my bearings together & fix it up on the spot!Gosh!I've got 4 minutes to finish this marathon story!I'll never finsih it in time!I looked all over this town to get bits for me silly gooOse of a trolley...to get it rolling again!Gosh!53 seconds.......i have to go by crikey!Oops eyrh GooOsen GoOOse euoioeinn2u388u8u8ji3k342%566%768*(U8HHt^&67t*
(&8yu*&8u9uiui8&XxXXx?/:;")(8*&727y&72
t76t67T^&t62t6t^T672 P.S Oops!3 seconds!



[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-27-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I arrived at some town in Romania by train....& some attractive lady,a friend of the festival organisation came to greet me & as i went to wheel my silly trolley....tone of the wheels rolled right off!"What a gooOse i am!",i thought!All the bearings fell out of the wheel so i got the buggers together & temporarily fixed it...which surprisingly worked for a bit!Gorblimey!I went all over town trying to get bits to do a makeshift fix....but the silly trolley wheel kept falling off!THen another one fell off!I had to carry to trolley around & get helpers at time to help me carry the wretched thing!Gosh!I must of looked like a nincompoop in full jester's regalia carrying my silly trunk around the place....in Romania!Oh crikey!I've got 101 trolley stories!I personally think the 4-wheeled granny trolley's in Australia would have to be the Roll's Royce of granny trolley's!
Oh golly gosh!There's 3 minutes left.......it's a marathon of a story to get through..........arh....crikes....!I ended up doing eight 50 minutes shows...........ect!When i got to Hungary....Budapest......the trolley finally collapsed.....& i had to carry my gear to the left luggage!Luckily i haggled like a weasel for another trolley off some lady selling socks on the street jsut in the nick of time before my train was leaving!What a fluke!Golly......OoOps running out erh ^5$#234%56279)@&!+"':.?/17^hGY7898H
!*8!*&7&7167Y717Y871097^!^6!&7Y177h!
*8799*!OoPs!P.S.?



[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-27-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I lost the other trolley story....& now it get's found again!I had 2 tickets left with about 5 minutes on each!Now i can go forever on this unlimited ticket!Gosh!I wouldn't mind an Unlimited International food voucher someday!I'm almost living on a diet of red & green velvet!I'm a breatharian barbarian!Mr Puniverse The GooOse!
The all time worst busking story i've ever had is absolutely nuts!I went 2500 kms from Sydney to Cow Bay(way up north past Brisbane) to make it to a 1 day festival..with my granny trolley,unicycle & guitar(even hitched quite a bit)..& then i missed the last ferry over the crocodile river by a minute & a half on the other side of Cow Bay.....& had to sleep behind a tree with drunks roaming around town all night!I got up the next morning & got the ferry.....but the whole festival was over!Gorblimey!I'm a fool!To break even i thought i'd try & do some busking at the Port Douglas markets a few days later & set up outside some old geezers stall with a long white beard.....& i went for about 2 minutes & he said "Look mate!Fuck Off!"I said to the audience "should i keep going!"He said again"Look mate!Just Fuck Off!"I thought"Crikey!"....Again & again he kept going everytime i went to utter some nonsense!Gosh!Everyone wanted me to keep going.....but i bailed it & made $2!I ended up going back to Sydney soon after as i was in a hurry to get to my friend's 80th birthday party.....Harold The Kangaroo!He's an artist that's painted from head to toe & painted the 1st Bulldog Cafe(which is supposed to be the first)coffee shop in Amsterdam in the red light district.He helped promote the McDonald's of coffee shops.......& it's a paradox as he's never smoked pot in his life.He hired a stripper for his 80th birthday bash...& some school made him a tacky cake with ugly blue icing!He charged at his cake....put his hand in the air & said"da da....i'm 80!"I did some gooosing about at his party which was fun!All in all i went 5000 kms for $2!The things you have to do for 2 bucks!No wonder i have to do a 24 hour show to do a good hat!Maybe i'll do the biggest hat of all time oneday but it will probably take me 83 hours to do it!I'm gonna do it by crikey!Signing Off Crumbleforeskin The Jestering Marathon GooOseweasel!Maybe i should hurry up & become a transvestite jester with a rooster sidekick called Henry & not to forget Ethyl the Mexican walking fish!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Years ago i was ontop a steep hill in my dad's red Mazda 626 & was fooling around with the handbrake!I pushed it & the car rolled down the hill a bit & then pulled it back & it stopped!I thought i'd try & be a little bit tricky & said"Hey dad check this out!"He folded his arms & smiled from across the street & i pushed the handbrake & the car rolled down the hill a bit.I pulled the handbrake back....but for some reason the car didn't stop!I sort of froze....& i saw the car really picking up pace!I was in the left hand side.....& then it eventually stacked into a Mercedes Benz tow-bar!The front of my dad's car crunched up like a squeeze box accordian!All the neighbours came out to see what all the racquet was about!My dad got down the hill & opened the door & said "You're Fucked!"It was so terribly funny that i burst out into tears laughing!I couldn't help myself!My dad certainly didn't let me off lightly as it wasn't insured!I'm Off like a stinky goblin's cough!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

My mum once picked me up from school!I went to a school called Karajong(which is a Koori name)for a few years when i was younger.It was a really hot day & as she was driving,i went to wind the window down.....but clumsily miscued the winder & fell out!She said "Did you have a nice day at school today!"No response!Again she said"Did you have a nice day at school today!Still no reply!Eventually she looked around & saw the door wide open & then saw me lying on the road with skid marks on my dacks out of the rear vision mirror!Oh well what the heck!No one is perfect!P.S>GooOsE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hello it's Mr Rumpity-Bumpity here sending greetings!Oh no not another story!I'm on one!Another time years ago i was going to Kensington Community School in Melbourne & i had fully painted clothes.....top-to-toe & had rainbow coloured dredlocks & pixie shoes on!I was riding my mountain bike down Mt Alexander Parade as fast as i could & all of a sudden some Asian bloke opened his car door!The bike hit his door at full impact....but i flipped right over his window....& scraped my arm along the ground!A huge semi-trailer nearly ran over me......almost within a bee's whisker.A humungous fat truckie with hairy shoulders got out & yelled"No wonder you look like that ya Fuckin' Clown!"& got back in his truck & took off!The Asian guy embraced me & said"Are you alright!"I said "yeh!"& picked up my new bent wobbly bike & carried it to school!What the heck!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Years back i nearly bought a second-hand clown car back in Oz!I rang up & said i don't quite have the money yet but i think it will go well with my character.I said i ride a unicycle & i'm a clown!He said"Stick that unicycle up your arse & hang up!"I rang back a little later....& said"No I'm not joking!That clown car sounds ace....what can i do"!He said "okay....i'll let you put it on lay-by!I bumped into a friend a bit later & coincidently by fluke he lent me some dosh!Another friend drove me over to the place where the clown car was.....as i gave him money for petrol.When i got there....the owner said "How do you like it?"I said"Yeh...it's good by golly!"He showed me through all the features.It was 2 halves of different tiny cars & would rock from side to side when driven....as well as having off-centre wheels so it would rock & wobble.It was cosmically painted with bright colours & had silver stars & circles & a sun-roof & you wind it up at the back & it like a Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang car.It also had a parade licence & about 70 large glossy photos with it all for the price of $600.I thought this will blend into Nimbin(Nimbin is a hippy town in the North East Coast Of Oz.There was an Aquairius Festival there 27 odd years ago or so )like a psychedelic dreamI said it's a real piece!I'll take it!He said there is only one problem"It's Sold!"I said"What!"Another bloke came out & said"Yeh!It's mine!Just bought it!Sorry!Too late!"I couldn't beleive he sold it on me when he said he'd save it for me...as i got there...which wasn't so long after!THey walked back into the house & i stood at the door....saying"That's not right!"The bloke who bought it....gave me his card & said"If you ever want to hire it here's my number!"I couldn't beleive the whole scenerio!I took the card & left!Some days later i rang up the bloke he bought it & said"Do ever want to sell it!"He said"Maybe oneday...try some other time!"While having his feet up listening to the races!Again i rang up a while later & asked the same question!Some girl answered the phone & said you're not Rumpelstiltskin......I know who you are!Stop hassling my father!"I said"Who are you?"She said"I'm not going into details but i used to go to school with you!"I said"What!"& she said"We're gonna sell it to the Moscow Circus for $4800!"& that was that.Year's later i was walking down Swanston st in Melbourne & a girl jumped out of a music shop called Dynasound & said"Hi!Remember me?"I said"Oh yeh!You used to go to school with me!"She said"That right!I am the girl who's father bought the clown car!Well you know what happened!It didn't go to the Moscow Circus after all!I was working in some circus brushing the animals...& elephants etc...& some chap wanted to trade the clown car for a camel....so i did!Now i have a camel on my dad's property!"I said "You're joking?"She said"NO i'm not joking?!THat was that & i never saw her or the clown car ever again!I have got a photo of it still somewhere!Anyway see you laters!
Gorblimey!Camel have teeth!I got a good view of some camel almost having a go at me at the Sahara Festival in Tunisia!On arrival the boarder guard....said "Oh you're an enetertainer are you!What sort!I replied"A juggler!"He was curious....so i got 3 pairs of socks & did a number!He laughed & let me in!I'm Off!Laters!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I once got done for not wearing a helmet on my unicycle in Byron Bay!Couldn't beleive it!IT even made the Byron Echo local newspaper!Technically...apparently they can gnab ya....as a lawyer told me that.....you have to wear a helmet on a pedled cycle!No-one wears helmets in Amsterdam!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once got picked up from a butcher in York while hitching to Tipi Valley in Wales & then at the end of the lift he opened the boot & just as i was about to get my unicycle out....he said"Would you fancy a pork pie...as they were in the boot also!I said no....i'll be right!He then closed the boot & i absent-mindedly forgot for a few seconds to get the unicycle & he drove off & i waved like crazy but he never came back!I thought"GOd!I'm a complete utter GooOsE!"On the side of the road hitching were two guys.....well one of them was a bit tricky to tell.A chap said "Hi in a campy voice!I'm a hermaphrodite!My mother is from India & my father is an American Indian & i was born in Africa!"He then was picking his whiskers with some tweezers & occasionally kissing the other bloke he was hitching with.Eventually a car pulled up & they got in & said"Are you coming along aswell"as they were also going to Tipi Valley!I said"I might actually go back & report my unicycle to the local police station & hope someone has handed it in!"I did so & no luck & got to Tipi Valley some hours later.When i got there...& walked around for a bit....i saw the two chaps holding hands with their heads down....& i said"G'day!"They said"Guess what we did?We just left our bags in the car we were in!"How weird was that!Life works in mysterious names!
I once lost my wallet twice on the same street...Elgin Street in Carlton..Melbourne.....& then lost it later that year again twice....but on Missenden road!How quirky......lost it twice on 2 different streets twice in two different cities!Also lot i more later!% wallets in a year!GooOSE!THere's nothing worse when you're looking for something for a while & you end up finding it in your hand!P.S.GooOsE!
I lost my jester's hat when i was in Edinburgh!I put all my jester's regalia on & was all ready to go.....until i was about to put my hat on!I looked & looked but realised i lost the bugger!I had another jester's hat as a backup luckily...with a rooster frill & donkey ears!I went out & performed anyway!LAter on i put signs all over Edinburgh...stating reward for jester's hat if found!A few days later i was doing a show & my mobile phone rang ...so i answered it & someone said"I've got your hat!"I said"Where!You can come & meet me on High St a.s.a.p & i'll give you a reward!"Near the end of the show some chap came along & said"Here it is!"I couldn't beleive it!There is was!What a fluke!I got the bugger back!
I once also lost my jester's hat whilst hitching in the Nth East coast of Oz!Strangely it returned back to me days later!Also lost another jester's hat which didn't come back in Christiania in Denmark!I've go too many unicycle stories so i don't think i'll say any more or else my eyes will turn into mothballs!Adios Amigos!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!A few years back i was in Kosovo just about to perform at some school & i forgot a few things so i went to run back to the place i was staying at while dressed in full(fool)jester's regalia....& i took a wrong turn & ended up getting a little lost!There was houses in ruins all over the place & cars with tinted black windows would toot their horns & also they would pop their heads out & have their hands in the air"Laughing...going Yeh!",while driving past!Gorblimey!It was a bit of a culture shock!Some silly pixie on the loose in a war zone!In some ways it felt less threatening there than....when i was in Oz in Parramatta quite a few years ago!I was asked to do a funny little run around for the Australian Doors Show......but i think the crowd were more reved up for some rock'n'roll!I had a gherkin-studded guitar,a kilt on,spring-shoes,Zappa pony-tails,green lipstick,eyebrows & a goatee & was singing really bad songs on the guitar while springing around like a GOoOse!Some big rugby player with no neck won a meat raffle on the night(a big sausage pack)& handed out all the sausages to all of the yobbos he could...& then said"Look at the Fuckin' Poof on the spring-shoes!At the count of 3 aim!!!1,2......3!The whole joint threw sausages at me left right & centre!To insert some humour i said"I'm a vegetarian!"They went completely ape & i was almost completely sausaged!One sausage flinged past & nearly knocked my false nose off!I stood my ground against the whole bunch of hooligans which was as rough as guts!I got paid $50!I'm an Ozzy battler by crikey!Don't mess with me because i'm a weasel!Weasel POwer!
My all time worst busking mixup was when i was about 18 or 19!I was outside the National Tennis Centre in Melbourne(Oz)& I had all my silly get up on....with some tacky tartan minstrel top & kilt & pony-tails & springs ...with the same-gherkin studded guitar...singing bad songs to the more humble tennis crowd which was still hard enough!EVentually without realizing.....adjacent....Australia lost against England in the Final in the cricket at the MCG stadium!THe tennis & cricket matches were not so far at all from each other!The cricket fans were completely wound up & as soon as they saw me they went bananas!Some bloke said"Get a real job ya Fuckin' wanker!"I said "Get a real life...ya sport head!"He snapped his cap & went completely nuts & tried to jab me with his Australia flag.....& the hoons were throwing my gear all over the place!Eventually about 25 police came to the scene & broke it all up!I thought it was going to turn into a riot!It was almost like feeding yourself to the lions!Fuckin' freaky!I had a much better time in Kosovo!Crikey!What a World!How friendly is Oz when you're not incognito in your pixie-suit in the wrong suburb!One look & you can set em' off like a pack of wild dogs!Well i think things are changing a bit now these days!Cheeers & all the best!

[Scot Free]

looks as if this is going to be a 42 hour post...

[fracksfreakshow]

wow that's alot to read. Has anyone actually read it? Could you give me the brief one line summary of it?

[martin ewen]

Go -Rumple go.
Stand back everbody, this stuffs been held in a while now, he's gunna blow.
(it helps if you read it in a really high voice)
Rumple is 100% real deal committed to eccentric street theatre. For years he's been going and doing places and things that simply occur to him in the moment.
He's a treasure and should be approached with caution

[Bri]

This thread is awesome,well worth the time invested in reading it. I recommend we all get comfortable, grab a beer and watch Rumple go! Go RUmple Go!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Holy Gherkin Twisties.......The Rumpel Files are Up & running by Crikey?Gorblimey!Just arrived in Paris,nippy around the ear-lobes.......but not as nippy round the lobes as when i first arrived in Russia(St Petersburg°)a few years back.I thought Estonia was cold.....but by crikey....Russia's hardcore in the winter!I arrived at 5:30 a.m to St Petersburg....was a little surprised as i thought the bus was going to pull in a little later.I ended up standing next to an warm air blower near an entrance at the Metro train station to thaw out a bit.I couldn't beleive that all Russians were rushing around so early in the morning!Not really the place to chill out,straight after being in Estonia!Even leaving Estonia was a story,gorblimey!I was in Narva which is the most Easterly point of Estonia & is a 96% Russian town.I was a bit confused earlier in the day as there were 2 castles i wanted to check out.Well the Estonian was easy play...but i thought perhaps i could try & do the Russian castle aswell....but how as it was on the other side of the river.....& there was only 1 bus left leaving for St Petersburg at night at 1:00 in the morning really!I thought "Crikey!HOw can i visit the castle!It's just over the bridge?Maybe i could leave my bags in a locker on the Estonian side & pop back for them later!"Then i thought"Then i won't be able to get back to get my bags & catch the late bus to St Petersburg if i check out the castle....as there was no buses i think from the castle.....& who wants to wait....when it's minus whatever!Also you'd need a multiple entry visa to to go over the bridge a couple of times!"There was no-one who seemed to know about visiting the castle....what hours & all....but i thought i'd leave my bags at the train station & go walkabout Narva!Later that night i was waiting inside the train station sitting down all by myself....& there were tramps knocking on the door(outside)wanting me to let them in as it was cold out there,but i couldn't let them in as the door was locked!This went on for a while....until eventually a cleaning lady opened the door & as i was hungry i went to go & look for something to eat.I found a restaurant.....& got a flipping sizeable omelette with enough chips.I took my time....until eventually i saw the time & had to rush like crazy back to the station & get the bus to Russia.I got back to the station & went to open the door.....but it was locked!There were quite a few tramps inside,but they couldn't open the door as they didn't have the key!I was panicking as my bags were in there in the locker & i'm gonna miss the bus!Gorblimey!The station doors open & close at periodic intervals!I went around the side of the station & tapped on some windows,until by surprise....all these young soldiers opened the curtains & just laughed when they saw me out there making gestures that i'm in a flipping hurry to catch the bus & i have to get in so i can get my bags out!They just kept laughing,so i ran to another part of the building & knocked another window!I saw 2 police men through the window but they were on the nod & couldn't hear my banging.....until a cleaning lady came to my attention & opened the door.I went straight to my locker but forgot the combination!I thought"Shit!I'm fucked!"She quickly called for another lady who had some special keys to open it!Already i thought i'd missed the bus,but lucky it was late.....so i got to St Petersburg alright!Now back to the other story!I was thawing out by the door at the Metro station & must of looked like a geek as these huge Russian doods went past with big Fuck Off fox fur hats & that,while occasionaly grumbling!Probably thought i was a complete weasel pansy.....Mr Tourist...the weasel rat!I got a Zeton token or what ever ya call it for the train & thought okay & 1,2,3 let's go,but everything is in Cyrillic(spelling?),i don't have a guide book.....but i have a map in latin letters!IT was like i'd just arrived on Mars!Like some off-beat 70's avante-garde space film i was in!As i went down the escalator.....all these archetypes were looking at me.....some interesting looking characters.....not the usual Western look!It almost felt uncool if you looked western...as i didn't really anyway.....but they've got an eye for it!It's kind of easy to read by the dress code,particularly in the winter.I spent the first day.....just getting lost on the Metro.....which was interesting.....but too cold to be fun...as my clothes were not of good quality!I did hurry up & get some warmer things!Crikey!No tourist offices here!Gorblimey!No wonder just about everyone has those ear-flap hats!It was a bit of a culture shock at first.It seemed a bit like the east of eastern Europe.I found the Youth Hostel eventually....& it was 15 U.S a night!I thought gosh!I was even a bit skint as even Estonia for accommodation was cheaper.It makes you realize that....you can see why....as it doesn't have such the infrastructure to support tourism as does the West....so even accommodation there can be cheaper for travellers!Well is was 18 U.S a night in MOscow!I was lucky to meet a student who let me stay with him in St Petersburg for a couple of weeks.Russia was interesting,but sometimes minus 20 % was a bit full on.I stayed at night with some Belorussians in Moscow & when they woke up they asked if i would like a puff of a number!To be socialable i did......but boy crikey.....did it kick in when i was outdoors!It was hardcore being potseyed in Moscow minus 20% in the morning!I departed & spent the day just checking out the Metro stsations!Gosh!They're something!More interesting to look at than any other train stations i've been to i guess.Oh another time i was going to check out the Peterhoff(have i got it right)palace in the outer sticks of St Petersburg & i overslept my train stop & woke up i don't know where.....in some little village where people were selling stuff in the snow!I thought"Crikey!"I said "Hello!Doe's anyone speak English!"Oh no!i felt like such a sissy good little English boy or something....even though i'm Australian.It really makes you realize the joke: What do you call people who speak 2 languages?Bilingual!What do you call people who speak 3 languages?Trilingual or multi-lingual!What do you call people who speak 1 language?English!Gosh!Going to check out the palace....i felt like a goOse....trying to explain that!I did find it with a bit effort!
I also remember seeing the Old Circus in Moscow.....& it was a different experience feeling the energy of a Russian audience....cheering & all!It felt like quite a collective appreciation of the circus.They really harmonize their emotions!In the interval i felt like a bit of an oddball sitting by myself eating a Russian icecream while all these soldier boys were getting their photo taken near by....posing with a chimpanzee....& a small aligator & python & fairy floss stalls with balloons & that!Some of them laughed at my appearance....well i probably did like a bit of a GooOse with these ridiculous almost Russian boots i bought in Finland & also just my presence i guess!People in different countries quite often seem to laugh when i start talking.....especially school kids!Sometimes even when i try to be serious people laugh at me!I guess it's the voice!I don't even think about it so much....but that's the only reason,well maybe not,why they would laugh?I also got a ticket to see a show in Moscow.....& it's turned out to be a badly choreographed erotic ballet with the most hideous srtip-off of 80's clothing!That ticket was a gamble as i couldn't even read it properly!Gosh!I could of seen Deep Purple for about 10 Deutcshe Marks but i was too late!That's where these 70's bands are now.....doing Eastern bloc countries!I could of even seen Kiss doing their Psycho Circus show in Prague....with the aid of 3D glasses in the winter.....but my visa was expiring........so i missed that one!
Gosh!It will take me forever to get through these stories......& even longer on this French keyboard......as all the keys are a bit differently placed.....well not all of em'Gosh!I was amazed at how well dressed some people were in Moscow!It made me feel a bit like a feral...ferret ratweasel at times.....& especially coming from the Western World....perhaps i should look a fraction more smartly dressed at times.Some of the girls were stunning.....quite foxy....& really well dressed.....making me feel a bit cheap!I'm in this material world....even though i feel i belong in the ethereal world....well both....but appearance isn't everything of course!
I stayed awake for the last 48 hours in Moscow.....& for the last 5 just lingered again around the train stations.....out of surealness.IT was guite quaint all in all even though i was nearly completely pooped!I did check out the Kremlin & of course the massive Hermitage Museum while in St Petersburg!The train ride from St Petersburg was quite sureal late at night.Some Russian bloke insisted on buying me a meal in the restaurant car....which was playing ambient Russian folk music....& had a Parisian look about it....with dim lamp lights & red velvet curtains with gold tassles etc!
After Moscow i ended up getting a really long train ride to Latvia.....Riga!The train was chockers with those red,white & blue stipe huge Chinese bags!So chockers i had to sleep up on some bed that was like sleeping on a shelf!I was knackered so i just did my Rip Van Winkle trick & slept for donkey's!Latvia was also an experience.Crikey!They really know how to make rye bread by crikey!It's so dark & almost as hard as a brick....makes pumpernickle bread seem like it's for pansy's!I stayed with 2 twin sisters in an old communist flat in Riga....which was different!Their whole flat was totatlly decked out with pumpkins of all different sizes!No joke!Pumpkins in every nook & cranny!The next morning after staying my &st night there,i heard some crackling noise & thought that the radio in the room must be lodged between 2 stations,until i realized it sounded more of a sizzling noise!Then my ears followed the noise closer & then i saw some little wisp of smoke.....then i saw something leaking under the cupboard!My God!It was a squashed pumpkin & it was on some cord....which had frayed & was melting the wires!I called the girls & they saw that it looked a bit freaky & one of them pulled the cord out of the wall & it went bang & the socket went black!What a freakout!We all laughed & they praised me as they were almost out as they had to hurry up & get to school!If i hadn't of noticed it in time.....i could of also walked out & then the place would of been curtains....all because of a leaking pumpkin!HOw weird.....aye?I also saw the circus in Riga.....but not as much fun as the Russian one's as i saw 3 there.I tramped around Lavia for a bit & checked out Trakai castle & other things & went to Lithuania Next....Vilnius!More stories......i have to stop?I even saw a Devil museum in Kaunus.....with different Devil icons from all around the World!Different folk Devil's & all sorts.Particularly peculiar was a wood carving of Hitler chasing Stalin around with a whip or was it the other way around?i've forgotten!I asked some old lady who was watching the rooms as i walked around if i could take a photo of her as she looked like an old witch!She nodded & smiled & had a weird glint in her eyes & also some gold teeth that almost twinkled!The place was definately kooky!Somewhere in the middle of Lithuania.I also visited the Hill Of Crosses for something to do.There were thousands & thousands & thousands of crosses all over the place.All different shapes & sizes.I not a religious person......but it was worth the hike!It looked like something out of a Tommy film or something!even the pope put a cross there apparently.After that i went to Klaipeda & stayed the night at a friend of some student i met in Banks Bystrica in Slovakia!In Slovakia in this town.....a student smuggled me into the University dormitory & in the room the students just partied all night....so i got about 2 hours sleep in.I visited a folk carving out door free kind of museum park somewhere half way up the Peninsula....near Kalliningrad!it was quite quaint.I wished i could of got to that other part of Russia but i would of needed another visa by crikey!After Lithuania i went to Poland,Slovakia & the Hungary....Budapest!I remember one night....well early morning at the Backpacker Guest house in Budapest.......i awoke to the tedious noise of an alarm clock!I said"someone turn it off!"Then more voices said"Turn it off!"Gradually everyone in the room which was full....woke up getting quite cranky of the clock going off!Someone jumped out of bed & said"the noise is coming from this locker!"I steered my ears & said"Shit!That's my locker!"I scrambled around near my bed but couldn't find the keys!I looked for ages & everyone....after a late night didn't find it amusing!I just couldn't help myself....well almost even brace myself from stopping laughing as the whole situation was ridiculous!Earlier that night we had a good laugh.....but now everyone was pissed off with me!I did eventually find the key & opened the bugger of a locker!Gorblimey!What a funny nightmare!I also discovered that at this guesthouse they have a list on the wall of all the people that have stayed there over the years....put into different categories!My name was listed as the weirdest!It caught be by surprize....off guard....a little before i was leaving.I also had a Serbian visa......but the situation was really flaring up & only a day or two ready for war!Crikey!Europe is weird!You think of the distance.....say from Switzerland to Albania!THat's like going from Melbourne to Sydney!Gosh!Visas galore though!I remember the time of flying from Athens to Zurich on Austrian airlines via Vienna & got to the Swiss custom post & then weirdly enough scrummaged in my bag for my passport.....but couldn't find it,until the whole line went passed & i was the only one left!I said"Oh no.....i must of left it on the plane!"the officer called for assistance & they had to drive me back(as there was no airport bus at that stage)!I got on the plane & the crew & especially the pilots were telling me to hurry up fast as they really had to leave urgently as they had a fierce schedule to stick to!I just couldn't find it & thought"Oh no!"they said"Sorry!Time's up!We're out of here!"What can i do with no passport!I quickly turned up a few more seats & miraculously.....just in the nick of time found my passport!It must of been a present from the Gods!I got back to the post & they let the weasel through!"Yeh!I'm a GooOse!I'm a GooOse!Hip Hip Hooray!I'm a GooOse!"
I also remember being invited to someone's house for dinner in Zurich & they said if you want to you can arrive early & let yourself in.I did & walked up the steps & sat down comfortably in the loungeroom.....until someone came in & spoke German....& then quickly English"What are you doing in my house!"I thought"What?"I showed them the address on a bit of paper & they laughed...."it's a few door's up!"Crikey!What a fool i am?Such is life?No-one's perfect even though some think they are more equal than others!
Anyway i better hit the frog & toad!Perhaps i should soon follow the Yellow Brick Road back to the Land Of Oz & hang out with the kangaroos with a few roo's loose in the top paddock!Signing Off Trumpetsparroweasel The Kinght Of Scrawny Ear-Trumpets!P.S"GooOsE!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh one more quick story!I few years back i was in Luxembourg.....i checked out nearly all the catles there.....also in Liechtenstein.My first time in Luxembourg was odd!I arrived late at night in the Winter & walked over the bridge....;waht a site.....dramatically beautiful was the scenery.....misty & all etc!I hitched from Belgium to Luxembourg.When i got to the train station,instantly an old man & a hooker asked me for sex!I thought how twilight zoney.....of all of the places of the World you get asked this question from é different sexes at exactly the same time!The World's warped at times!I ended up finding some run down building & crashed there.The saircase was half broken with even icycles hanging off it!I climbed up & slept on the top floor.I awoke with toes frozen like iceblocks as there were no windows in this joint.Well also i awoke to another tramp who had just walked in & i thought i must of discovered his hang-out!He spoke French & just went walkabout....as so did i soon after!Crikey!Another time i was in Luxembourg i did some busking & did okay even through the rain & ran to catch a train out.....& when i got on the train i realized that my V8 vegeatble juice bottle was broken & i had tomato juice all over my drawings book!What a bummer!I cleaned it up....took ages!I aslo went to go to the Berlin Love Parade(to see what all the fuss is about) after Luxembourg via Hamburg!I got an early Love train which had Doof heads galore....with ghetto blasters blasting out Doof,Doof,Doof,Doof......etc!It was a bit hunched.....& completely packed in Berlin.It took me ages to put my stuff in the luggage room as all the lockers were full & ques everywhere!I even lined up for ages to go to the toilet.....which was a little pricey!After the whole day there.....i went to get my stuff out of the luggage room but the ques were ridiculous!I waiting an hour & a half in the line & then they changed doors so i missed my train & had to wait an hour in the other que to get my bag!Madness!I even went out of the station for a breather.....but it took a while to squeeze back in as it was late night & people were all leaving!There was absolutely no where to sit & all the wall space was taken to lean your back against something!I did get some wall space some time later & fell asleep on my bags as the next train wasn't until another 6 hours!I awoke a little late & thought i'd missed the train,but lucky it was late so i got on!Hours later when it passed into Holland....at Amersfort.....i was so parched that i needed a drink so i quickly got up & went to the kiosk to get a drink...thirsty as Hell!All of a sudden the station master blew his whistle & my coins fumbled & spilt all over the place!I ran like mad & went to open the doors but they were locked!I thought"Fuck!"I ran along with the train trying to open the doors but they were all internally locked!I thought"Fuck!There goes my stuff!Jester's costume,spring-shoes & all!"I saw a window slightly ajar & i thought"Who dares wins!",so i flung myself at the window hanging on outside as the train was really picking up pace.....scrambling outside like a nutcase trying to get in through the window!People just looked at me Zombie-eyed!The train was really going & then i managed to flip myself through the window....as a matter of life & death & said out loud"Fuckin' Crikey!"It was completely nuts!Everyone was amazed!Who dares wins!Well not all the time!Anyway ciao for now!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember catching a bus going from Denmark to Sweden & the bus goes on the ferry & that.Well i overslept on the ferry & woke up & everyone was gone!I quickly bolted down to the deck & even all the cars were gone!Not another disaster!I ran on ahead on the road & could see a bus in the distance at the red light!I ran like a fuckin' nutcase like a mad Mr Puniverse!I had to run about a kilometre it seemed,right up that main drag!The light was turning green & the bus was almost off.....but my fingers tapped on the door.....& i made it!Nothing new!I have a habbit of always being the last one on board!Why does it alwys happen to me?Even i can't work that one out!Also from Sweden i caught a ferry to Finland.God these Scandies dress so clean......it's people like that,that make it hard for people like me getting past the custom post!How on Earth could i ever look that spiffy(spick & span)?Why dress like that when you've already got easy flexibility?I again awoke but this time to the Finish customs....as i was the last again on board!Was a little quirky,but later on visited Turku castle!I'm off like stinky turkey's balls!In Turkey i rode a moped(motorbike)for the first time in Capadocia....& had a Turkish instruction for 1 minute.....didn't understand it but i took off alright.....trying to catch up & tag along with these kiwi's who wouldn't wait for me!I can't even drive a car.....but went 80 kms an hour up the main drag!Wow!Was an experience!That will probably be my initiation into Adulthood when i learn how to drive a motor car!I also rode a moped in Greece on an island for the second time & was with Clarke McFarlane from Planet Banana.After an hour riding on different bikes.....we went to pull in at a open restaurant to get a salad,but i realised if i turn my bike off,i won't be able to start it again as the key had wiggled out along the way!What a fuckin drag!We were starving!We ended up riding all around the island again & 45 minutes later Clarke spotted the key on the line on the road!What a fuckin' fluke or what!We laughed & went & got some very late lunch!Signing Off Crumbleforeskin or Rumpeleforeskin or Captain Crikey?P.S."Crikey!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh just another story!Here we go.................Once upon a time there lived a pixy who lost his goose-pimply thimble!It was quite a nostalgic piece.....& in search for it.....oneday was surprisingly pulled by the nose into a long forgotten castle.......somewhere in the sticks of the back pocket of the Ukraine & was never seen again!P.S.CRikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember i was in Malta checking out all these neolithic temples as i was curious.....& oneday arrived back in Valletta (as all the buses seem to go back through there when trying to get to another place in Malta!What buses they are there!Really something else!)& as i went to get on another bus.....i saw a little dog scratching it's arse against the bumper bar constantly!It caused such a scene that many bus drivers & people all started laughing!What a comedian aye!Animals can sometimes be the funniest comedians as they're so natural!I mean look at roosters......natural born jester's or what?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

About eleven or twelve years ago in Oz i was hitching in Victoria in near Sheparton & i got picked up by a truckdriver.......who thought i was a sheilah in the distance!When my face popped up over the seat.....he said"Shit!I thought you were a Sheilah back there!Get in!"After hours driving he said have you got any tapes.I handed him one & it went straight onto a Tiny Tim track....."Tip Toe Through The Tulips!"After listening to about 2 minutes he said"What is this shit!"I said"Tiny Tim!"He quickly took it out & put some Dr Hook on!Many hours after that i said i have to go to the loo,& he said"If you want to go.....you'll have to wait until i go,because i'm on a deadline!You want to go......i stop the truck let you out,BUt i have to go & you get left behind!"Eventually hours later after hanging on.....he stopped the truck to take a leak.....as did i,but we were both on the same side not so far apart & i was a bit embarrased & he said "Have ya finished!I have to go!"I said"Yeh!"For some reason i couldn't go there & then so had to jump back in the truck or get left behind!Gorblimey!I had to hang on in agony until the next stop!I'll never forget that!Gorblimey!Maybe i should go for an audition as Mr Puniverse someday!I'll walk into a huge Football Stadium in the middle of the field in a Mr Puniverse outfit someday with a spangly cape & Y-fronts & all with a megaphone turned up full-ball & yell out"Come on ya pansies......i'll have ya!Put em up or i'll call the police!Who wants me?I'm for free!Come on ya sissy's what are you waiting for!Ya punch of Poof's!"
Anyway i've got to run!All the very best with everything!P.S"GooOsE!"
Let's all re-educate this World & let the Estrogen levels take over the testostrone levels & then we can all live in peace & harmony & then there will be wars run by transvestites armed with shield's of dried seaweed & huge mouldy gherkin batons....wearing fuffadelic attire!Well it would be less frightening wouldn't you agree!A psychedelic war.....where the only way to win is lose!Let's create nincompoop Olympics & let the nuts run the nuthouse!An artistic revolution......where creation outdoes destruction.....& there is no such thing as winning or best!Come join the tribe windy-foggery nincompoops & we'll just crusade on through with our gooseyness & totally all just Pixy Out To The Max!What do ya reckon?Maybe you'll all just put me in a laughing stock & throw mouldy gherkins at me!I'm gonna clone myself & do it if no-one wants to help me!I'll be the tribe of individuals!I'll start my own country where only clowns are allowed in!Just joking?Maybe i'll clone myself & then the tribe of me,myself & i will take over myself!Crikey!i can't get away from myself because i'm there wherever i am!Sometimes things are so absurdly serious or seriously absurd!Surreally real or really sureal!Turn reality into fantasy or fantasy into reality & live out your mythology!Signing Off Robin Goodfellow The Eternal Universal Trickster Extraordinaire Chameleon Kanagroo Fool or Fool Of Comedy?P.s."Ooops!"Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I can't escape from making mistakes!I'm a tragic comedy of errors!A master of disasters!I guess the only way to success is through failure.....but i guess it's not good to become a fool's fool as an unemployed fool is nobody's fool or is it?Oneday i'll be so filthy rich i'll even be able to afford my own king!Maybe i should advertise for some old sugar granny in favour of marriage to a gooOse-weasel who has a spare castle lying around so i only have to wait some time until i can turn it into a complete fun house!Any offers?Signing Off Crumbleforeskin or should i say Crumbleforeskint!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh no!I've lost my tweezers!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

i'm gonna tattoo my whole body totally in tartan & live in a tartan tipi!Imagine if everything you touched turned to tartan!
I'll be a complete tartantarian!Tartan!Tartan!Tartan & more tartan!I'll have a tartan tractor,tartan teeth,tartan torso,tartan top hat,tartan toes,tartan triceps,tartan toothpicks,tartan tea-tables & not to forget the tartan tricycle & of course the tartan trolly escape!Signing Off Screaming Lord Tartan!Quick!I need a tin!Everytime you throw some money in i'll say "Ta tin,Ta tin!""Don't just stand there!Do it!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh i remember year's ago in Oz i was at a friend's house & got locked in his flat for Xmas day in Adelaide!He went out but locked it from the outside!All there was to eat was & packet of noodles.....the cheapest Bi-LO sort you can get & ontop of that it was a beef broth satchet for flavour!What a bummer!I just ate the noodles......anyway too much food enhancer 621(msg)doesn't do anyone any good!Why the hell is it in everything?What a World!Who's crazy now!Hours later i came to the conclusion that i was bored & wanted to escape to go & visit my grandmother in Glenelg(weird!spells itself both ways)!I got a bread knife & undid the screws in the flyscreen on the window & escaped & then hitch-hiked in the city of Adelaide to see my grandmother!Oh by the way i was born in Adelaide on mother's day beleive it or not?Signing Off Mr GoOoseFelloW!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh i forgot!Here's another one for you Rumpofiles or Rumpelstiltskinny,Crumpetsparroweasel,Strawberryst iltskin,Mangel Wurzel Pigeon Weasel,Witcherty Grubworzlestein heads or Mr Puniverseskinny fans: Years ago i was at a punk friend's place in Oz.....& decided to have a shower as he was telling me to hurry up as we were going out!As a joke he quickly chased me out of the house while i was in the nuddy!There was a full bus stop of people looking at me ever so surprized from across the road.....as my rump was also staring at them,while my friend was in complete hysterics rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter....i could see through the thin window!I was standing there for ages,not exactly all dressed up with no-where to go,i just had to stand there for ages & cover myself with my hands waiting for him to brace himself from laughing & open the door!Eventually he did!Crikey!What a gOOose!
Also a couple of years back when i was in Barcelona.....well the bus just pulled in early one morning.....& i wasn't really in a good mood as it was cold & i was skint....& i went to the bus counter inside the building & started to talk,but the lady behind the counter all of a sudden burst out laughing at me!I didn't think it was so funny & then the other lady(her work-mate)started up & was completely in the giggles as well.....then all of a sudden it triggered me off & i burst out laughing uncontrollably........!It was completely nuts!I thought i was going to explode from laughter or have a heart-attack & die!The que was really building up & everyone was getting cranky but we were all helpless from hysterics!They couldn't even brace themselves to serve the other customers!It was completely mental......this whole laughing scenerio!Eventually we got it together..;;so they could answer my questions properly!It was so amazing that it wasn't funny....but so fuckin' funny!Just laughing off each other's laughs was so therapeutic that it was one of the better laugh's i've had!So sometimes you've just got to expect the unexpected!
Gosh!I think if i did a stastistics of people addressing me as a him or her over the phone......i think the madam category would win!I'm not that bad that i sound like Tiny Tim on helium times ten!Gosh!One puff from a skinny racing horse one puff screamer & i'm off like a munchkin's cough!I get high on air!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Do you want any more stories?

[Barry]

more, rumple...MORE

[Julia]

MOOOORE !!!

I want more stories!
And where the hell are you now Rumpel? (or did I miss something here?)

I am in San Francisco at the moment people here are strange , they don't know who you are,
I think you rock! Keep it up!
Love
Julia

www.nothingimpossible.net (http://www.nothingimpossible.net)

[Jim]

Holy Gherkin Twisties... Go, Rumple, Go.

I've just added more server space.

Jim

[Prof Willie B]

The crowds roar, the crowds cheer, riotous foot stamping, piercing whistles and ovation after ovation rocks the planet. "More, Rumple, More", we shout. That voice, we can hear every word.

Great rents are appearing in the very fabric of the earth's gravitational field as spirits are lifted by cyclones of levity.
The sun has finally appeared in Melbourne just as Kensington Community School breaks for the summer holidays. Already I feel lighter, great weights lifted from my soul.

Gravity will be defeated.

Long live the Lord of Levity.

ps Internet Service Providers world-wide have been notified and are upgrading Ram,HDs and processors everywhere, as we speak.

The applause goes on.

[This message has been edited by Prof Willie B (edited 12-14-2001).]

[Todd]

These rants seem to have an effect on the Ozone Layer. Go Rump Go!!!!!!! We can now all tan without the risk of melanoma.

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!Holy Fruit-tingles Mr Oddfellow.....presently here wishing all the World for the better.Just weasled my way into London by crikey!Hope all is well etc...even though i know it isn't!
Gosh!Year's back when i was about 11 i remember i was at the zoo with my father & his girlfriend & suddenly i went off on a mission by myself to check out the wallabies.Some time after i found the wallaby section & went to climb the fence....so i could interact with them!The only problem was....that when i got near the top.......i felt this fuckin' thwack ontop of my head!I thought my dad must of whacked me over the head with a plank of wood or something!I just dropped from about 10 ft or something to the ground & lay in a heap feeling dizzy with stars spinning around my head!I looked up & realised that i went head first into the electric wire!It felt like i'd been struck by lightning!I wonder if it did anything?What do ya reckon aye?What the heck!The show must go on!
Another time i was at a zoo on a school excursion & i came across this emu who knocked my eggflip milkshake out of my hands & then tried to have a go at my twisties as well!No joke!I distinctly remember these sorts of things!
It was funny one early morning when i was on the mountain top of Gibraltar & i suddenly saw a little monkey silhouette go past on a rock top.I thought how cute!I had some peanuts ready to throw it.Then came along the mother....which was a little startling as i was quite close....& she was not so little!Then came the father....by crikey!Flippin' huge....& it showed it's freaky teeth at me & jumped down & went straight for my bag of peanuts & snatched em' right out of my hands & scoffed the whole bag all by himself in no time at all!I thought what a pig.....didn't even share any of them to the family!I wasn't going to even try & do anything though or else he'd probably have a go at me!Gorblimey!It gave me the butterflies as it was early & i was the only one around with these monkeys!Apparently they are supposed to be amongst Europe's only wild monkeys....in Gibralter!LAter on i walked a kilometre to the shop to get some more peanuts & walked a K back again!Again in no time at all....the father monkey went straight for the peanuts & scoffed em' all to himself!Ontop of that....a monkey jumped on me & started nippling my hat!Was all a bit weird but well worth the experience!Signing Off Crumblemonkeynuts!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm gonna cheese it again!Once i was at someone's house for dinner & when it was ready they said"Go into the kitchen & help yourself!"Gosh!I was starving!I went into the kitchen as they walked out with their food to the loungeroom.I was a little bit cheeky & went to their cupboard to put on some extra relish.I got this bottle of tomato chutney out & placed it on the kitchen table & opened it quickly & it erupted like a volcano & hit the ceiling with a splat of red sauce with onion bits all over their nice white ceiling!"Oh no!What a mess i thought!",but uncontollably couldn't stop laughing!It was too much as i thought i might have been overdoing it a little.The funny this was that it went off again when i went to smell how old it was.What the Heck!The gOOOse lives on!P.S.GooOooOOoOOOoOOooOoOoOOoOOoOOoOoOOoOOosE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh golly ol gosh by crikey by Gorblimey!Year's ago i was itching to buggery & couldn't work out why,so i went to the doctor & he diagnosed me as having scabies!I didn't know how i even got them!He said that i had to put this scabies lotion on from head to toe a couple of times a week & also clean every nook & cranny in my room!I thought God!That will take me forever!My room was already getting smaller & smaller everyday.I put the stuff on & followed the rules meticulously & still after a week i was itching like crazy!I went back to the doctor & said i'm still itching!He said "You obviously haven't got rid of your scabies yet....so follow the same rountine again as i prescribed you the first time!"I again followed the rules.....but still was itching like a scrawny ferret with too many fleas a week later.Again i went back & told him that i was itching almost unbearably!He again said"Look you still haven't got rid of your scabies so i suggest you keep following the procedure until you have fully got rid of them"!Again i put the scabies lotion on from head to toe & one night i awoke in a fit of feverish anxiety scratchin' & itching to complete buggery....that i was tossing & turning like a wild beast almost!I turned on the light & looked in the mirror & my whole back was red & with bumps here & there!I thought"What the fuck is going on!"The next morning i raced over to the doctor & said"I turning into a fuckin' monster!What am i going to do?Look at all these bumps on my back!"Still he said "you haven't got rid of your scabies!"I said"Bugger this i'm gonna see a skin specialist!",so i did on my own accord!The dermatologist ended up saying that my skin was allergic to the scabies lotion so he suggested i stop using it!I did & no more hassles ever again with the scabies!God!YOu just can't trust doctors sometimes can you!This stuff was like rocket fuel!Anyway happy scatching!Signing Off Itchingscratchweazle!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Some months ago i did Britain's Biggest Medieval Festival in Herstmonceux which was hard to get to & hard to get out of!I was still in my jester's cozzie & ended up getting to Brighton later that night!All the people i knew were out.....i guess being bank holiday.I tried about 8 numbers....but no one was there!Then i decided to try to get to the Earth Spirit Festival somewhere in not so far from where i just come from.....but there was no transport left late that night!I managed by fluke to stay somewhere the night so i was alright.I got to the Earth Spirit Fest the next day & squirmed in for free in exchange for being a gooOse.I had a funny experience leaving the place though!I slept my last night there on a massage table & awoke to a lift going there & then in the direction of London...so i scrambled my things together to make it!I got a lift in an old green ambulance!I was so tired that i fell asleep!The vehicle did feel a little bit jerky at times.When it hit the A 21 highway or whatever.....i awoke to some awful grating noise as the vehicle was going out of control!It went berzerk.....& then all of a sudden i looked out the back window & saw a wheel come flying off & on coming drivers swerved the wheel....as the ambulance skid over to the side of the road.Some unlucky oncoming driver hit the wheel & you saw their wheel just go pop....like a massive black ballon pop!They swerved to safety on the other side of the road.There i saw the ambulance with only 3 wheels & an axle.The sight nearly made me laugh but i didn't want to affend the driver with tatts.He said"Oh no!I don't know what to do as it's not insured,i don't have a licence & it's got no rego!"Some time later a hippy van pulled over & gave me & his girlfriend a lift back to Sth Hampton!We could see as we were leaving that the police came to the scene & a toe-truck!That was the last i knew about that adventure!Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When we were little my sister & i accidently got locked in our room because of me!She told me not to shut the door....but i did as a joke!The problem was that we couldn't open it again.....& had to wait over the long weekend.....so a locksmith could open the door again!There were bars on the window so no escape there.We ended up getting so thirsty that we drank out of the fish tank!Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Stiltskinny here againy!I remember being in Melbourne years back busking on Bourke St while wearing a kilt,boxing boots & hair in pony-tails with purple lips & eyebrows!Suddenly this cow cocky from Darwin with a big leather rodeo hat said"Are you a sheilah or a bloke mate!"Before i had time to answer.....he shoved his hand under my kilt & grabbed my nuts!What a fuckin' fruitloop!Sometimes i feel like i'm a bit of a fruitloop magnet!Siging Off Crumbleforeskin!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember when i was about 14 my mother & step father & i were going travelling in my mum's green car up north around the hills & out of the blue......came this town called Nimbin!I thought"WoW!Check this joint out!Psychedelic murals all over the shop fronts & that!Gosh!"We came across adventures there without even trying!They came to us!
I thought i have to go back to this place some other time when we left!
When i was 15 or 16 i hitched over 6000 kms all over the place by myself in half a year!I made it back to Nimbim & met this older hippy lady at the Nimbin Neighbourhood Centre......& she said i could stay at her house for a couple of weeks...which i did!
While i was there i saw some Women's Weekly magazines lying around!This is my shame to fame.....here it comes!I learnt how to juggle out of a Women's Weekly magazine!I've got 3 chokos(really bland Ozzy light green vegetable)out of her garden & learnt how to juggle the buggers!I even ended up living in an octagon stone house run on a 12 volt battery in the hills of Tuntable Falls for a bit with about 15 other people!Crikey!The bush turkey's were a real laugh....well not for people's vegetables though!Gosh!Sime wild nights with luminous green mushrooms,glow-worms & fireflys whizzing about!I've even ridden my unicycle from Nimbin to Tuntable Falls & back quite a few times!It's 13 kms each way!One time i did it up hill with no moon & it was raining!Another time i did it up hill when it was 36 %!Gorblimey!I'm off!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When i was 12.....i was hanging out with some friend's late at night in Templestowe way out in the suburbs of Melbourne & we camping in the middle of a large roundabout in the middle of a cross section!There were even a few trees so we looked a bit hidden.It was cold so a friend & i went walkabout to see if there were any clothes hanging outside the local Brotherhood bin!When we got there....my friend said"Here i'll give you a boost so you can grab something!"He boosted me in.....& also when i was half in...he pushed me right in....legs & all as a joke!I was stuck upside....squashed...that i couldn't even wiggle my way out at all!How was i to weasel my way out of this one?I was upside down,banging on the Brotherhood bin,whilst completely wedged amongst the junk!I could hear him ouside relentlessly laughing...until it faded out.Moments later my hand touched some toy batery-operated police car....& a flashing red siren went off!Also coincidently i went a much louder police siren from outside the bin!The police came to the rescue & open the lid & pulled me out gradually by the feet & thought i was a fuckin' idiot!They took me to the police station in East Doncaster & called my mum!She came & collected me at 4.00 a.m. in the morning......from way over the other side of town!She wasn't so amused.....even though the whole thing was a little odd!Crikey!I'm Off!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Back again!I'm a born again weasel!I used to have a baby sitter called Henry who would squinch Vegemite sandwiches in my face!He would favour my sister & let her watch Wonder Woman when i'd want to watch The 6,000,000 Dollar Man!He would also drop me when giving me a piggy back!One day i was on the monkey bars in primary school & he unravelled my fingers until i hit the ground!I have scar under my chin still!Crikey!I made sure my parent's gave Henry the flick!
When i was 5 invited all these little rascals to my 5th birthday!I even got some green slime for a present...which i thought was great & we stretched this green slime all over the house....& jumped up & down all over the cushions & all.....with hundreds & thousands all over the place!It was such a wild party....i'll never forget!We totally trashed the place....& my mum went berzerk!I got a bit carried away on the chocolate crackles & nearly overdosed on them as i ate much more than i can remember....probably 35 or something!I was really really sick for days after that!Party on!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When i was a toddler......i somehow disappeared from my Grandmother's house.She was freaked out & didn't know where i was.She looked all over the place & i was no-where to be found!My auntie had this dog called Jedda who was a bit like Lassie.Strangley enough......Lassie(Jedda i should say) gave them a lead & my granny & aunty followed the dog out of the house & down a few streets & there i was still crawling!NO joke!I crawled out my cot & out of the house & down the street,into another street & another!Crikey!3 Cheeers for Jedda the wonder dog!Hip Hip Hooray by crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Once i got done for stealing a nasal spray from a supermarket called Saveways!Gosh!Got a 6 mth behaviour bond for it!
I also nearly got done in Adelaide for stealing a 20 cents plastic bag from Myers.I was with a punk friend & we were followed right to the end of the mall & the police took us back to the office!We had to laugh as it was a bit ridiculous....which almost got us nicked in the bad books!Lucky we got let off in the end after a strip search!What's the coming to.....i even thought back then!Gosh?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gimme Five!Mr Rumpity-Bumpity the pixie on a long bumpy ride here wishing you champions well for crying out loud!I'm on a hoiggledy-piggledy mission to find the Holy snail so i can be initiated into the tribe of long forgotten Oompah Loompahs.....somewhere in Oblivion!
It's a fair dinkum,fair square off the dial,off ya trolley,Pixitarian Whatever calling in here almost in solitary confinement with a keyboard with the letters G.O.S.E on them!Go GooOse,Go!Go GoOosE gO!Go,go,Go,gO,GO,Go,gO GooOse Go,GooOse Goes go go go,see GooOse go go,so go GooOse so go go go,go goooOse go,go geeese go GooOse go!
The first night i was in Bangkok,3 ladybird's try to carck onto me!The 2nd one was only about 13!The first looked alright....until i heard her deep voice!The last one....caught me by surprize when i was walking back to my room late that night...when i turned a corner!She said"Hi where are you from?"I said"Oz"She said"Oh Australia!WoW!I'm from Singapore!Can i go with you?"She then immediately linked her arm in mine & proceeded to walk me down the street!I unhooked myself & she even followed me right down the street until she went"Damm.....silly little boy!"& i quickly picked up the pace & got back to my room before she got me!
Crikey!The World's Twisted!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops here goes another........................................... ............P.S."GooOsE!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There once was a tragic thimble-collecting,frisbee throwing fruitcake who made love to a heart-broken rhinoceros called Gertrude who was always in lethargic overdrive,probably from eating too many second hand moth's balls!They however had a lasting fling,until oneday Morris accidently choked on one of his thimbles,which unfortunately flipped Gertrude completely out!
DOt,dot,dot to dot,alot of dots to dot to dot!
Do you think i'm complete nonsense
Well i'm all eyes
& i'm all ears
well as for my nose
i suppose
i'm all sense
I'm complete nonsense
That's worth more than 6 cents!

There was a weather-beaten weasel
who ate too many gherkin cheezles
it made him sneeze
it made him weeze
Why did it give him the measles?
Ooops.......I have to go to a Sneezing Festival!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I sometimes wonder whether i should change my name as Rumpelstiltskin is a pre-conceived name & i don't closely associate myself with the character in the story all the way!I got the name when i was in Tasmania years & years ago!When i was 20 i think?I went to an Opshop(second hand shop) & straight away saw this picture of a weasel spinning straw into gold!I thought"That's me!"I just walked in & Rumpelstiltskin walked out with me!Great record!I still have it!
Another amazing time when i went opshopping was when i was in Melbourne years back!I bought a tacky violet nylon fabric cape,tacky bell bottom...off-colour....patchy flares & also a crass satiny minstrel top,kind of almost medieval 80's vibe to it & was happy with my scores from different op shops!When i got back i realized i left my plastic bag of clothes back in the op shop....but it was on the verge of closing so it wouldn't be open anyway!The next day i went back & they were all dressed up on the mannequin....in the display window....the cape,the top & the flares!I told the opshop ladies that they were mine but they didn't beleive me!They just wouldn't but my story at all!After struggling & struggling with the ladies they eventually gave them back to me with suspicion!Crikey!I never really felt so comfortable again when i was in there in times to come when the same ladies were on duty!You've got to fight for your rights when you're a friggin' weasel!CHeeers & all the jolly best by crikey!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

GooOsE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh no.....here i go again!My debut to the busking world was in King's Cross in Sydney!I wore a tacky tartan minstrel top,purple satin flares,platform shoes & hair in pony-tails while playing really bad made-up songs on the guitar.At one stage a whole group of bikies appeared & watched me as i proceeded to sing songs that sounded like they were coming from the juke box from Hell!They all started laughing that they were so bad!It's lucky that they found them amusing or else it could of been almost curtains for me!Anyway i'm falling asleep so cheeers for now & catch up with you on the next lap!Rumpel The Pumpernickle Pip-Squeak!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-22-2001).]

[Bev Isaac]

Thank you so much for your meandering tales of surreality and humour they have brightened us daggy lot stuck in Melbours ,theyve been both an inspiration to getting out of town and reality, love to you Rumperstltskinny,during this festive season .

[Rumpelstiltskin]

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size="2">Originally posted by Rumpelstiltskin:
Oh no.....here i go again!My debut to the busking world was in King's Cross in Sydney!I wore a tacky tartan minstrel top,purple satin flares,platform shoes & hair in pony-tails while playing really bad made-up songs on the guitar.At one stage a whole group of Hell's Angels appeared & watched me as i proceeded to sing songs that sounded like they were coming from the juke box from Hell!They all started laughing that they were so bad!It's lucky that they found them amusing or else it could of been almost curtains for me!Anyway i'm falling asleep so cheeers for now & catch up with you on the next lap!Rumpel The Pumpernickle Pip-Squeak!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-22-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size="2">Originally posted by Rumpelstiltskin:



Crikey!
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Rumpelstiltskin

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Yes.....it's Mr Puniverse here again by golly ol gosh....by jingo jango jingles....oopsy whoopsy!Oh crikey!Mr Higgledy-Piggledy here on a scrampled eggs mission to dot the dots....dot-to-dot.....alot of dots to dot to dot!Oh gosh!I've lost the plot!I can't find the dot to stop the plot....the fool stop!I'm a fool who won't stop!Maybe i should start & stop at the same time & stand still very fast on the spot.....& see what happens!I'm in neutral overdrive!
Gorblimey!Year's back...well not so many.....i thought i'd go to Bosnia.....so i got a visa....which took a bit....& a few days later i was in Sarajevo.When i got there...again i had no map...& it was getting close to night....& i thought"what am a going to do!"I checked the town out for a bit & eventually even managed to find a room......which ended up costing 42 German Marks!The room was in some old lady's house.....which a room finding place found for me.After checking in......i spent quite some time in town wandering about....& after being knackered,had to sit down...for a bit.Some chap.....sat next to me....& sparked off a conversation.....& after a while said he was a Muslim Serb.He then invited me for dinner at a cafe....& paid for it....even though i said i would.He was genuinely friendly....& we parted after dinner...& an interesting conversation.It was quite late by then....& i wasn't really paying attention to the time.I thought i'd better get back to my room...so i ventured back.....in the direction.....i thought it was in.....& after some time.....i still couldn't find it!"Oh No!Where is it i thought!"It was freezing cold & i was now starting to walk round & round backwards & forwards all over the back-streets of Sarajevo looking for my room.I even came across a pack of wild stray dogs......when i made a wrong turn.They barked at me(The weazle)& i thought they were going to have me......so i quickly went somewhere else.I thought"For crying out loud.....I'm a real Fuckin' GooOsE!Where am i?"Geees it was freezing & almost felt like i was on Antarctica!After many wrong turns i finally made a right turn & by sheer utter fluke i found the right door....even after trying many wrong doors!I couldn't beleive......that i found it....because i just couldn't remember where my room was....& didn't pay attention when i left my room in the first place!Gorblimey!I did get some sleep.....after a few hours of freaky surrealism!I'm off like a kangaroo with a few screws loose!Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The weirdest thing i ever saw on the street was.............well late one night after a party in Newtown(Sydney)......i was walking down some little back street in Enmore & i saw some strange outline of a weird shape....in the dark near the gutter.I steered my eyes closer & closer....until i almost hit the thing with my nose.....& then all of a sudden i realised it was a purple sting-ray!How did the Universe come to place it there?Gorblimey!The Unidentified Flying Object from out of the sea!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Ooops it's me again!G'day! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

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Rumpelstiltskin

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I'm back off track!Hello!A few years ago.....i managed to score....a lift in the direction of the Linz Pflasterspectakle in Austria with another fellow performer which was a bit of a fluke....as of coincidently rhyming with the timing.I got a lift from Amsterdam.....in Nick Fish's motorhome.Also Sam(gosh....probably got the name wrong....as i'm good at remembering names)the brass statue girl from Melbourne was with us.After hours & hours we decided to pull into a German rastatt(petrol station roadhouse)to open a tin of tomatoes some how....& also perhaps to go to the toilet?I did go to the toilets.....to brush my teeth.....& when i came out....i went to hop back in the motorhome.....but i couldn't find it!I looked all around the huge carpark....for 10 minutes but still couln't find it!!10 minutes turned to 30 minutes & i still couldn't find it....& then i really knew....i didn't know what to do?It was freezing cold & all i was armed with was a toothbrush....while wearing a t-shirt & shorts.I did have a few spare German coins....but bugger all!I thought"Oh no!What am i going to do?Here i am in Limbo Land....in the middle of nowhere.....of a vast network of autobahns....criss-crossing all over the place!Gorblimey!They're off to the festival & i'm stuck at the rastatt from Hell with no-where to go!What am i to do...with no passport....or anything?I'm going to have to hitch to the boarder of Austria & smuggle myslef in to get to the festival!".I went inside the roadhouse(rastatt)& tried to explain the whole scenario to a pack of German truck-drivers....but none of them could make head or tail what i was on about because....we just couldn't understand each other!I was lost & the vibe was weird....but at least some lady at the cafe.....kindly gave me a bowl of chips on the house without me asking!I just sat around for 2 hours....asking people if they were going in the direction i wanted to get to....but still no luck.Then came a couple who had some coffee & they said they could give me a lift to Munich....which was a long way....& still a long way off Linz!I thought i'd better take it....& was on the verge of leaving....waiting for their last sips....& then all of a sudden Nick popped out of the blue....& i thought"Am i seeing right?"For crying out loud i was lucky.Nick said he got caught in a huge traffic jam & took more than a couple of hours to get out & turn back to where i was.It was a bit of a fluke he managed to find the right rastatt!I was happy....he was happy & we just thought it was all funny.Nick thought i was asleep in the back while he took off....but it was my rolled out sleeping bag.Crikey!Don't leave home or your motorhome without a can opener!We eventually made it to Linz....but unfortunately Nick got nicked on the way there.Anyway cheeers & all the best!Crumblestiltskinny The Sparroweazle Pixie Funster!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I'm back off track!Hello!A few years ago.....i managed to score....a lift in the direction of the Linz Pflasterspectakle in Austria with another fellow performer which was a bit of a fluke....as of coincidently rhyming with the timing.I got a lift from Amsterdam.....in Nick Fish's motorhome.Also Sam(gosh....probably got the name wrong....as i'm good at remembering names)the brass statue girl from Melbourne was with us.After hours & hours we decided to pull into a German rastatt(petrol station roadhouse)to open a tin of tomatoes some how....& also perhaps to go to the toilet?I did go to the toilets.....to brush my teeth.....& when i came out....i went to hop back in the motorhome.....but i couldn't find it!I looked all around the huge carpark....for 10 minutes but still couln't find it!!10 minutes turned to 30 minutes & i still couldn't find it....& then i really knew....i didn't know what to do?It was freezing cold & all i was armed with was a toothbrush....while wearing a t-shirt & shorts.I did have a few spare German coins....but bugger all!I thought"Oh no!What am i going to do?Here i am in Limbo Land....in the middle of nowhere.....of a vast network of autobahns....criss-crossing all over the place!Gorblimey!They're off to the festival & i'm stuck at the rastatt from Hell with no-where to go!What am i to do...with no passport....or anything?I'm going to have to hitch to the boarder of Austria & smuggle myslef in to get to the festival!".I went inside the roadhouse(rastatt)& tried to explain the whole scenario to a pack of German truck-drivers....but none of them could make head or tail what i was on about because....we just couldn't understand each other!I was lost & the vibe was weird....but at least some lady at the cafe.....kindly gave me a bowl of chips on the house without me asking!I just sat around for 2 hours....asking people if they were going in the direction i wanted to get to....but still no luck.Then came a couple who had some coffee & they said they could give me a lift to Munich....which was a long way....& still a long way off Linz!I thought i'd better take it....& was on the verge of leaving....waiting for their last sips....& then all of a sudden Nick popped out of the blue....& i thought"Am i seeing right?"For crying out loud i was lucky.Nick said he got caught in a huge traffic jam & took more than a couple of hours to get out & turn back to where i was.It was a bit of a fluke he managed to find the right rastatt!I was happy....he was happy & we just thought it was all funny.Nick thought i was asleep in the back while he took off....but it was my rolled out sleeping bag.Crikey!Don't leave home or your motorhome without a can opener!We eventually made it to Linz....but unfortunately Nick got nicked on the way there.Anyway cheeers & all the best!Crumblestiltskinny The Sparroweazle Pixie Funster!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Whoops! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh gosh!Once upon a time.....many many years ago when i was staying at my grandmother's house in Adelaide....a Yugoslavian friend & i went out to play some Space Invaders!We were only about 7 or 8 & we went to some tourist hotel games room to play the Space Invaders machine.After quite some time...clocking up a high score....we were happy...but then crashed out suddenly & we shook the table!Surprisingly all the coins fell out of the game...as the draw popped open.We put all the coins in a plastic bag....which was ever so heavy & i went back to my grandmother's house!She was ever so curious...wondering....what i had in the bag....as it looked a bit too heavy for a weasle like me to carry.She said"Let me have a look!"I said"No!"This went on for a while unitl she grabbed the bag off me & spread it all out on the table!Gorblimey!Coins galore!Must have been about $150!She said "how on Earth did you get all that!"I said"Collecting bottles"She wasn't so amused & made my friend & i take it back...which we did!We went back & put it back in the machine!Fun!Fun!Fun!Enough Space Invaders to turn you into a Martian!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I gonna attempt to busk in the smallest country in the World.....but i'll probably get stopped before i start!Has anyone ever done the Vatican City?Maybe i can stand with one foot out & one foot in & do 2 countries at the same time?When they try to arrest me....I'll take my foot quickly out...& say"Now i'm in Italy!I'm in another country so mind your own business!"At least if i make 50 lire i can say i've done the Vatican!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm going to be the first jester on Earth to perform in Antartica!I'll probably have to perform to the penguins though!I'm sure they would be an honest audience!
I have actually met someone who has made it to Antartica in quite a different way!I also was thinking of doing this many years ago......as i asked some sailors....which were standing by a ship ready for Antarctica....in Hobart Tasmania....if it were possible for a jester to go aboard....in return for laughter.They were not into the idea at all.I was almost tempted....to jump on.
Anyway i met this chap from Hobart who did oneday jump on the ship with his girlfriend heading for Antarctica.After a day & a half they revealed themselves & obviously the ship couldn't turn back!They were treated like luxury & got a cabin to themselves & when they got to the Continent(The Last Great Wilderness)they were only allowed off for some short time to take some photographs.Apparently the ship was mostly of French scientists going to experiment.They were there for a month & when they got back to Tasmania they had to go to court.....but were luckily let off scot free as they said they were protesting!Anyway all the very best!Mr Rumpity-Bumpity The Eternal Nincompoop!P.S.Maybe i should try Antarctica,Iceland & Greenland?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once got my fortune picked by a budgerigar in Bulgaria.I was in Veliko Tarnovo....this bizarre old town....with an 11th century castle in ruins & volcanic...valleys.I came across this old man sitting on a stool while his budgie was perched ontop of a box filled with fortune cards.The budgie picked my card for me straight after a small fee.It was on a small piece of paper in a Braille paper envelope & the writing was in Cyrillic.I couldn't read it & he couldn't speak English.....so i just put it in my wallet.I totally forgot about it..for years..& it wasn't until September...that a Bulgarian man in Vienna read it to me.Now i can't even remember what he said!Golly ol gosh!I still have it somewhere in a pile of junk!I will again find it....& take it to the Bulgarian embassy so they can do another translation for me!I'm still puzzled about what the message says?Anyway i've off like a stinky goblin's cough!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When i was about 3 or 4 my mother asked me to throw her,her sunglasses......which i did,but they went overboard & into the sea....as we were on a friend's boat.They were her best glasses so she jumped in....the middle of the sea....& then ended up getting surrounded by a circle of jellyfish!Gorblimey!The World is weird!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Here we go againy.......Oops!I remember doing this gig on April Fool's Day in this suave nightclub on Oxford St in Sydney...called Club Envy!First i did 45 minutes walkabout just gooseing about...with my odds & ends & then i was up for the big solo fire show...half an hour later!The manager of the place said"I think you're going to be awesome!Go for it"
I went on & lit up my fire-balls & starting juggling the buggers with fire-gloves on....but the horrible things kept going all over the place.The manager did look a bit concerned.....but i quickly raced into doing the fire-skipping on the unicycle routine.I lit up the rope & it flared up ever so big...as i wasn't used to this indoor fire-water stuff.Crikey!The flame was huge!I was trying to be a little bit fancy & should of just went for the straight skipping!I started to skip.....nevertheless,but whilst wearing spring-shoes.....& all of a sudden the flamin' rope got caught on the back of my spring-shoe & then my leg was on fire!The manager quickly got the fire-extinguisher & blew me out!I even went to have another go....but i slipped on some stray liquid drops & nearly went arse over head...so the manager quickly rushed me off stage!Crikey!I blow them out & they blow me out!April Fool's Day!I never heard from them again....but i still have a scar on my leg....so i won't forget that April Fool's Day!What the heck!No one's perfect!Oops!I did so crap....that i said"Pay me half",& they did!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Spring-shoe madness!Here's another spring-shoe story!About 7 years ago i was busking in Fremantle in Western Australia outside the Fremantle MArkets....& i had a really friendly audience & everything was going well after going for quite a while & then i kicked my leg up & my spring-shoe came off kind of sky-high....& was heading straight for some adjacent restaurant table where some well dressed couple were sitting.I sensed the shoe in slow motion & could see it going for some cranky business man....with his hand in the air.The shoe slightly flicked his hand & then fell in his bowl of soup...& he went ape!The audience roared with laughter.....& i really didn't want to laugh because i knew the seriousness of it.....but unexpectedly....i helplessly cracked up laughing....not knowing whether i was coming or going as everyone....said"Keep going!Oh Gorly Gosh!I was lucky!That was the show stopper though!I got let off lightly & so did my shoe!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!It's funny to observe the faces of officials when my spring-shoes come up on the x-ray display!They say"What is it?"I say"Oh!They're my Kangaroo boots!"....& They say"Oh!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the Strawberry Fair in England....in full(fool)jester's regalia....watching another show...after doing a 5 hour stint myself & then all of a sudden....without realising....a little scruffy dog pissed in my velvet bag of toys!I thought"What a little squirt!Bugger of a thing!"It was all over my toys....my squeaky lobster & all!"It took me ages to wipe of all the piss....& it certainly made people laugh.Then i went to watch the show again just before it finished.....& again without paying attention.....a little scruffy mut...lifted it's leg & did exactly the same trick!I couldn't believe that i got fooled again!Sneaky little champions....even fooled a fool!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"The Show Must Go On!"Gosh!More story tales............I feel like a chihuahua going round in circles trying to catch it's own tail.....like a fool going around in circles!I'm going to do the full(fool)360%(degrees).Oops!I've forgotten what i was going to say now?Can anyone remember?Hello!Oh no,Yes i know......there once was an Octogenerian church-goer called Hilary Pumplemoose......who walked her gooose to & fro with her wherever she would go.She would go to Go......wherever go was.Oneday she couldn't go...to Go because she stopped going....& that was the last i remember about her past!Anyway i'm back.....you wouldn't know it!I've come along way since Hilary!Remember me?Maybe i should do my Rip Van Winkle trick & see if i wake up forwards or backwards in time?See you next time?Maybe i should go to sleep & wake up at the same time & see what happens?If you go to bed really late.....it eventually becomes really early!Oh gosh!I'm going around in circles like a Hammerhead shark with tunnel vision!I have to go.....wherever Go is?Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Arhhhhhhhhhh CCCCCCRRRRRIIIIIKKKKKEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!Ear i go again!Time's up!Ooops!3 seconds!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was in Edinburgh......year's back & had all my takings in my hat.....& was about to finish for the night & all of a sudden a pack of about 10 Footy kind of hooligans came by & started taking the piss....while i was doing a show in Hunter Square.Then one snatched my hat.....so i chased after them down the street with one spring-shoe on....like a frantic weazle....flipping out...& even caught up with them.They stopped & i couldn't remember which one took it!I didn't get very far as one of them stuffed it down his dacks & i wasn't about to find out!Such is life!Why do the poor have to rob from the poor!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Another time i was busking in Bondi in Sydney & it was a cold day...& i worked really hard as i was skint!Again i had all my takings in my hat.....& after hours of going.....some Italian mob came by & watched for a while!They laughed & i thought they were with me.....until i turned around later & noticed they were gone & so was my hat!Gorblimey!I Captain Scrapeskate to the rescue....to save my frogskins....from appearing in my hat!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There once was a stick-insect by the name of Stonker who tried to make love to a sexy rhinoceros beetle called Ethyl!It didn't get very far....because Ethyl was quickly saved by a praying-mantis called Henry!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"Oh i forgot the one about...........?" http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Where was i again?I should know......because i can't stop following myself around.....wherever i go!Maybe i can go every direction at once & then come back & say"Toodleloo!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

After weeks & weeks & weeks & weeks & weeks of trying to find accommodation in Sydney......i saw an article in the paper....which sounded like such a bargain & good deal that i rang up straight away....& inquired about the place!Time & time again...the answering machine was on....until oneday it answered....well the person answered.He said....."Hello madam!"I said"I'm a bloke!"He said"Oh.....what do you do?",in a camp voice!I said"I'm a clown!"I said what to you do & he said"I sell sex toys!I would love to live with a clown!"I thought....."Oh crikey!Why do i only get interest....from weirdos....when searching for accommodation?"I didn't move in!I seemed to spend my whole life in Sydney looking for the ultimate granny flat that was never there!What the heck!Maybe i'll have that mobile Castle oneday?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the beach year's back with my grandmother & aunty & my sister & we were playing criket & all of a sudden our humungous beach umbrella got picked up by a big gush of wind & went flying along the beach.It eventually hit some old lady on the back of the head & knocked her out!It wasn't very funny even though it looked funny!She did come to her senses after the ambulance arrived.She was alright.....but had to get some stitches.....even though it had some people in stitches laughing earlier!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I've had a funny time in Paramatta.....well not so funny time when i think about it.....but still a funny time in another way!I remember getting sausages galore thrown at me......while doing a funny little run around to warm up the band....so many years ago.Another time i managed to get a gig at 7 a.m in the morning & i was supposed to wear all black & support a huge snake going through the town.5 minutes before going on....we(the puppet manouverer's of the giant snake)were told we had to now change into yellow & blue footy shorts & socks...as it was a gig for the snake being an escort for the Paramatta rugby team!Gosh!Paramatta is rugby people mania...just about!We were all manouvering the snake around town & doing funny moves while yobs all about the place were throwing footballs at our legs & saying such as"These sheilah's have hairy legs for guys!"Gorblimey!Year's before that i get sausages thrown at me & when i come back.....i am supporting a giant sausage but getting rugby balls thrown at me!"...."Paramatta!Ya can't beat it!"

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I keep making spelling mistakes!I can't escape from making mistakes.....because there's keys all over the place & i keep getting them mixed up!It's a drag when you get people's toothbrushes mixed up & realize later.....when ya teeth are clean....what's happened!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Isn't it a drag......when your walking along in public & all of a sudden you blow a goobie out.....& it sticks to your leg & everyone's eyes almost squint in disgust!On a few occasions.....it can be so ridiculous when you go to clear your throat in public....& you just can't flick the slimey dangling spit off....& it goes on for ages....& everyone's looking & ya feel like such a GooOse.....that it has to make you laugh!The same goes with the nose!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Christ!I hate it when you're at someone's house & you get a forky.....& it goes both ways & you completely miss their toilet all together! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

For Christ's sake!I remember a friend invited me to a house where a transvestite kleptomanic lived.There was a party there....& there was also a chap who said he was an A-sexual.....crimped my wig when i wasn't looking!It melted & remained permantely crimped!What a life!You don't know where you'll end up sometimes....when you just go where you don't know where you'll go!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!I have to go to the toilet!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

That's it!I'm going to do a transvestite jester act with fish-net stockings....high heel shoes....lipstick....pony-tails...& the lot & go completely ape....with Engelbert Humperdinck chest & all!What do ya reckon aye?I think i'm onto a winner here!Fuck It!I'm doing it!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Arhhh.....ummmmmm.....yeh......ooops.....um diddle dum......yehhhhhhhh.......la-de-
da-de-daaaaaaahhhh.....arhhhhh....Arrrgggghhhhhhh....... ...gosh.....gollly ol' thingimabob......thingamijiggles.....I'm Mr Niggle........& i'll go if you go........Go away or i'll call the police!Stop looking at me.....you make me nervous!Isn't it weird sometimes....when you're on the tram at night & the lights are bright & there's no where to stare except at other people's stares bouncing of the windows....like a ping-pong match!Gorblimey!Seven Eleven's can almost do your head in...if you're not ready for it!I'm off like out of here before it roll's into another year!



[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

For Fuck's sake.....i just lost a really long story at the touch of a button!It's not fair!Isn't it a drag when you lose those really long ones......i've done it many times more than once!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Bugger it!I'll go onto another story!Many many years ago when i was on a tram in Melbourne....i remember i pulled the wrong stop & seconds later the tram stacked into a car while it was trying to do a Uey!Lucky the Universe was on my side so i didn't get nicked!Sometimes your mistakes can accidently get you in trouble!What can you do?It's impossible to stop making mistakes.....they just happen naturally!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Wouldn't it be good if you could get paid...well..for your off performance life show!I'd probably be doing alright by now!All i can afford at present is a castle made of sand!Gorblimey!Imagine if Xmas was everyday!I'd rather not!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I used to have these darn braces on my teeth for 2 years,years back....& then i wore a plate for another year!I was supposed to wear the plate for another 7 mths after the year.....but i lost the silly bugger of a thing & thought i'll be alright!For year's i've had this wretched cross-bite on my K9 tooth which is a bit tricky.....& have had the same tooth checked out about 15 times!Gosh!I once read in a Medical textbook that Tiny Tim(Tip Toe Through The Tulips)was obsessed with hygiene & would have up to 7 baths a day!Crikey!It takes all sorts to make up this Wonderful Weird World!Go Tiny!I would of met him eventually......but he is no longer with us!I did have an unusual contribution to one of his song's though....as my friend mixed in my sleigh bells(which i bought from an opshop)into one of his Xmas jingles before he died!No Joke!The Eternal Troubador lives on!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I can't beleive it!I just lost another story!I better stop losing my stories!I'll just have to find more! http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I only have one more story!Just joking another 10,000 to go!Here i go................................................ ......................
....go...................................go....... ....................
...............go..................... .................go............................... ..go................
.....................go................go......... .gogo..........
.......should i become a gogo dancer.........................i can't find my gogo
mobile........................................gogo gogogo
gogogogogogogo goggles....gog......gog.....goo......GooOOoO
oOooOoOoOooOoOOoOoOOoOooOOoO
oOOoOOOOOOOoOOOOoOooOooOoOO
ooOooOOOoOOoOOooOOooOoose......
http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif......... http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif........ http://www.performers.net/ubb/redface.gif........:d............... http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif ..............
http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif....... http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif.....:eek..........
http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif...................................... ..................
.......................................?

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Now the screen has gone all weird!Have i done something?What's it look like on your screen?The letters have been gettings chopped off!Maybe i should stop posting letters!What do you think?More or less!Perhaps if i do smaller letters......you'll be able to see all the letters!My posts are wider than the screen!I once drank from a stream & i turned into a green pixie...looking for all the nixies!Oops!I'm off like a grasshopper....hopping beside a tiny kangaroo!See you!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

1 more.....no 101+1+1+1+1++1+1+1+1+1+,++,plus +++,minus-3 & i'll C U later even when i'm a Million?Here i go!There once was a silly nincompoop pixie who travelled the World with no show..............& still managed to make a living......show after show....with the "No Show!"When will i ever have the"Know Show?"Perhaps i should find a team of goblin chauffeurs to escort me around the Galaxy.....so i can play for everything & GooOsE about the Universe!Crikey!The cosmos is so Cosmic.......i just want to experience everything......all at the same time.....like going around inside a Munchkin's head a trillion miles an second!Help!Save me!I'm going to meditate on absolutely nothing at all......so i'll find out where i am.....who i am.....where i'm from.....& what's going on?Is there any plot.....to the spectrum of the Universe!There are Universes within Universes.....turning themselves inside out....outside in......like infinite figure 8's flipping themselves in & out.....in the one big figure 8.....that can't be ate!There are more dimensions then there are directions!I'm lost & found at the same time!There is no way out!The only way out is in!Way Out...Man!Women!Goodbye!Hello!There is no last word?I worship.........."?"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was almost going to stop at 101......but i silly little pixie.....put an earwig in my ear which whispered"Do 102 you GooOsE!"
Hello ear-wigo again!I'm gonna do the Biggest Street Show on Earth in 12 year's time at the next Kumbah Mela...in India.....where they'll be over 85 million people!I'll do the biggest hat ever!I'll have to have a hat ever so big.....that it will burst at the seems with all the ruby's....sorry i mean rupees!Just joking!I'll do it.....so i can die with more wealth in my heart than in my pocket!Perhaps i should shrink myself down so tiny......& see how many ants i can pull in!I'm off!The show must go on even if i stop!P.S.Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oooh golly....ol gosh again!The screen is still too big!Gorblimey!I should of got off this computer earlier.....as being Xmas Eve...all the exchange places are closed & i'm worth 20 pence!Gosh!Where's the money when you need it!I really am a GoOOsE & there's nothing you or i can do about it!Cheeers!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Is there anybody out there?No we're all in here!I'm going to go Cyberjesterdelic & put myself on disc & get lost in the void of internet Galactica!Turn on!Tune in!I've left my body......& now i'm in there....in the World of organised chaos!I'm going Astrodelic Travelling in the veins of the electronic Internental infrastructure of no return!No i'm not....i'm following the footsteps of the scrawny frogpigeon gOooseduck whatever that is?

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!When's file 4 going to open up!I'll just do more until the bloody thing opens!There once was a weird bard.....who called himself Baron Bent-Nose!He once came across a Thespian transvestite called Madame Sesquipadelaphobia.....who feared the bard's long words......so she/he got his/her Punch puppet to give him a whack!That's why the bard came....to call himself Baron Bent-Nose!Am i making any sense?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Another time i was in Fremantle was at the Fremantle Busker's Festival earlier this year!The first time i was in Freo my spring-shoe came flying off & landing in some business man's soup!This year.....in my first shoe....sorry show.....I was doing alright until half way through the show....& then i went to juggle my insect infested guitar!The blooming strap tangled up.....& went unko....so i miscued it & it snapped in 2!It was an expensive laugh!Then at the end of the show...for the finale....my fire-skipping rope got caught on the back of the spring-shoe & my costume anklet caught on fire.....& i was jumping around like a scolded kangaroo trying to make it go out!Crikey!I think i'm jinxed in that spot!If i do it in the same spot again....something weird is bound to happen....as i'm good at being on a hat-trick with things!Maybe.....i should stay away from main pitches.......or try my hand on the cricket pitch...& wave to all the crickets?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I've now franchised & there are a team of Rumpelstiltskin's writing at the same time!I've cloned myself & we're all going to rhyme ourselves with the same lines & do exactly everything in the same way....all the time!We'll take over ourselves....until there's not even me left!
Has anyone got any straw i can spin.....because i need to cash in some gold!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

God!Look at file 3.....can you see...that all the messages are longer than file 4?Maybe it will all fall into place if i do more & more!Gorsh!How can i squeeze these stories together......so they can be read?Anyway i'm going to bed....& i'm going to pull over the sheets like story book pages....until i'm completely covered!"ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ZZZzzZzZZZZzzZzZzzZzZZzZZzzZZzZZ
zzZzZzzzZZzzZZZzzZZZzzZZzzZZzzZzz
ZZzzZzz"

(Rumple, use your return key. ---Jim)

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!I made a mistake!All the lines are still not right!Perhaps i should write between the lines?
Story: Mr Sesquipadelaphobia's enigma in the lunacy farm of infinite wards of crazy puzzles!Puzzles wandering through different thought patterns swim through the brains of enigmatic mind's.Questions marks spiral & spin through the waves of electro-magnetic radiation & pollute the air with the frequence of science & resonance!The science of the human mind is the existense for a psychiatrist's pilgrimage!Let the story begin!Let the story stop!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I can't believe it took me a while to figure this out!Whilst on my travels in Europe.....i always wondered why....when ever i was asking for directions.....people who said"Go right!",always ended up being left!Sorry i mean the direction being left!After some time i would always think....that alot of people on the Continent would get the language of left & right mixed up....so sometimes i would take the gamble & just go in the opposite direction of what they said!I couldn't believe i was so daft....when i finally figured out that their left must be my right & my right must be there left!Do i make any sense?Gorblimey!I remember when i was in in Chefchauen(have i called the village right?)in Morroco & i spent quite some time checking out the snake charmers as i wanted to buy one!Some old chap said"Follow me",which i did for a while down twisty bendy paths until we got to some old clay.....dome hut....& he invited me in!I wasn't so keen as i remembered a story some other geezer told me.....of being lured into a hut by another snake-charmer who quickly spun him around.....& rolled the carpets down....over the entrance...so he couldn't remember which way he came in....& got his bucks by crikey!Such is life!
I did get done though.....when i first landed in Morocco!I was the last one off the ferry at midnight.....when it arrived in Morocco!I thought"Goodbye Christian Europe!Now i'm in Islamic reality!"I saw all the Arabic writing & all.Again i didn't have a guide book...& after getting through customes i was immediately approached by 2 blokes who flipping out some ID saying they were from the turist bureau!I thought they seemd a little dodgy so i wnet up to a policeman & asked for directions to a Youth Hostel.The same blokes came up & flipped out their ID to the policeman & he nodded his head to me....to verify that they were genuine.A taxi soon pulled up & i got in & before i knew it they were in with me....& said"Go!",& the taxi was off according to their directions!I thought"Where am i going?"The back-streets look a bit dodgy for a pipsqueak like me!Eventually the cab pulled up & the blokes said i have to go to the Hotel they were pointing at!I said"No....i'll go over to this one!"They demanded i go with them.....& i thought.....i don't know where i am?It's all pretty much of a muchness...& no other foreigner's were about so i thought"Oh well..ok!"The hotel reception said all the singles were taken so i had to pay for a double!The 2 guys followed me into my room....without anything i could do.They quickly shut the door......& pulled out the super zero zero zero.They rolled up a big spliff & said try some of this!I had just a couple of puffs to be sociable & then on the second round they demanded $250 U.S.I couldn't believe...it & i said"Gosh!That's an expensive puff!"This nasty geezer....with black fingernails & black leather vest & thick black beard & mustache....quickly stomped on my foot & pulled on my goatee & put out his hand & said"Welcome to Africa!"I thought"Thanks for the introduction!"Soon after the hotel manager came in as i raised my voice higher than it already was!The guys said everything was alright so the chap left & then they started on me again.....until the chap came back!They said"We're going now!Are you happy!"I said"I'm happy...are you!"They said"No we're not!", & the nasty geezer...threw me a big chunk of hash which was strange!I thought i'd better give them some money as i was a bit spun out!After thaey left...i didn't know what to do with the hash.....& thought it might be some sort of Midnight Express setup!I hid it well in the mattress....as the windows were locked!I did get some sleep after being really buggered!The next morning when i went to leave.....the nasty geezer....walked into me as i went to walk out!I quickly got by...& walked away....& he said"It's not safe around here!Let me be your guide!"I thought"Yeh right!",.....as he wanted more dirams(Moroccan money),& then head down to the main bus station!I bought a bus ticket to Casablanca & when boarding the bus....some more geezers wanting money from me....as their service....just to put my bag under the bus....but i wanted to take it with me...which i did.....but they were'nt pleased about it & had a bit of a go at me!I looked skint according by Western standards.....but it didn't work here!Tangier isn't the easiest place to arrive...& especially at midnight.....as they go for the prey on naive tourists!I guess i'm skint by Western standards but well off compared by other standards!The world's wealth just isn't evenly distributed!No wonder.....things like this happen when....some are more equal than others as far as making a living goes.....as the World's 360 richest people account for 2.4 billion of the World's poorest people!How can humanity overcome power?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Now all of my posts have come good!I'll now post myself as a Jestergram to the Universe.....& see how it replies?There once was a jester who turned himself into a King & then played the fool as well....so he could make & break all the rules in the Kingdom!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hark!The frogs do bark!There used to be a frogmouth owl that dated a toadfish....& occasionally changes places....from toadstool to the lilypad!In the end they decided to make do with the 2 of themselves,until they were history due to....too many canetoads....getting in the road!Oops!Bark!Croaky!Crikey!Croak...croak...croak !I'm off like a frog falling off a log!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

60 seconds!The clocks counting down......!Quick!Send in the clowns & stop the frowns!This is the World with no End!Off with the fairies!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hot rats in burnt weenie sandwiches encounter with Uncle Meat who gilds them with lumpy gravy!God Damn....the weasle's ripped my flesh & it's Mother's Day with the apostraphe!Oh no....here come Billy the mountain holding hands with a Jewish princess with another 200 motels to go to!Frank Zappa & Arthur Brown get along just fine with each other in Tiny Tim's Crazy World Of Tulip eating ukuleles!
Beatles crawling through the traffic & across the Universe into Strawberry Fields Forever!Winding up strawberry alarm clocks...with Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds!Old brown shoe eating ultimate spinach in a Yellow submarine whilst doing rapberries with rocky racoons!Mean Mr Mustard drives my car with Elenor Rigby down a helter skelter & into Lovely Rita.evrybody's got something to hide except for me & my monkey & Mawell's silver hammer!Black birds fly into the skies with honeypies & a Taxman says to dear Prudence"Those pies were for the benefit of Mr Kite!"Hey Bungalow Bill i am the walrus but i'll be the sexy Sadie when i'm 65!Oops!64!
There's a landlady that's stealing a step-ladder from 7 Eleven.
When she gets there she knows if the boars & all still pig-nosed & with a jail-bird she can get what she came for!
There's Frankenstein on the wall but she wants to be sure because you know sometimes love-birds have a few over-weenings.On a frisbeee by the crook
there's some bean-curd that sings"Sometimes all of our astronauts are misgiven!"
The bagpiper will lead us through the season & an old day will dawn for those who stand in Hong Kong & the forest ill gheckos will writhe there after!
Wo...wo...wo....if there's a muscle on your elbow......don't be alarmed..now..it's just a spring-bean for the gay queen.
Jimmy wage leadbreak!
Your hair-display will lie on the crispering tin & in your case you won't know!
Yes!There are 2 footpaths you can go by.....but in the strong bun...there's still time to change the toad your on!When nun's are tall!Yeh to be a sock & not a troll!
Do i make any sense?
The magical mystery tour to cosmic musical enigma!I'm off key!Here's my key signature!Damn...where's the hash!No not that hash....the hash key!Am i in tune....or offbeat!How can i rhyme with time?Oh gosh!I'll just roll out some more tunes until everyone is tuned in!Just joking?My jokes are getting worse!Cheeers!See you on the other side!Bye!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I really have to go......but i can't go because here(hear)won't let me!I'm all dressed up with know-where to go more like it!Gorblimey!We live in a world of fashion & advertisements.....& a world of shops!It's amazing when you concider a bird's eye view of the never-ending metropolis below.....or even contemplate on a page of a street directory....& think"Crikey!I'm so skint.....i can't even afford a trillionth of a dot on this map!"Imagine if you added up the total cost of everything in the whole wide World?I wonder how much it would cost?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Wouldn't it be good if you could transport yourself in & out of different festivals...by hyper-spacing yourself....from festival to festival.....so you could do a 100 festivals all at once?Gorblimey!I'm gonna totally go nuts & do every festival possible on a shoe-string budget....until i'm completely showed out!Show!Show!Show!I'll be a culture vulture until i end up in Papau New Guinea...or Zimbabwe..completely lost in the jungle in my jester's outfit!Gorsh!Why not?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was once riding my unicycle on the beach at Bondi in full jester's regalia....& i fell arse over head.....& sometime later i realised my tartan guitar had gone way out to sea!It was a miracle that the God's were on my side....& eventually the tide brought it back my way!It's amazing it didn't stink....sorry....i meant to say sink!I'm Off!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once took a sip of asparagus ale
& then turned into a kitchen snail
I looked like Salvidor Dali
& my fingers went all gnarly
from reading too much Braille!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Twirly ol' World Of Tunnels
Into the tunnel the leprechaun climbs
avoiding the time
while searching for rhymes
Sliding & twisting
in swirly ol squiggles
while singing silly madrigals
is what this little leprechaun
does.....to fill in
the t....ter...ter...time!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Blah.....Blah...Blah
How far
can you go?
How far can you take entertainment
or how far can entertainment take you?
Just as you think you're finished
you feel like you haven't even started yet!
The show must go on.....even if you're off!
I'll get on & off at the same time
Life is a continuous performance
& we're all actors on the stage of life
even when we're not acting!I'm going to give up my act
& escape from facts
& meditate away the days
until i'm on display again!
Oops!Should i just become one with all
& let creation unfold....before i turn into mold!Gorblimey!There's too many tales that should be told!I'm not hanging up my pixie-shoes until i'm through to the other side....& then i'll start again....with serious Zen!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

If i hurry up & get started.....i might actually start!Start me up & i'll never stop!Where's the start!I can't even find the finish!Maybe the end will roll into the beginning again!One Big Bang after another!There's parrallel Universes Out There!I'm going to get Out There & check it out!I'm leaving on the Astral plane in the 25th hour!There are dimensions within dimensions.....from 2D to 3D....from ABCD to E for Eternity!Beyond everything contained within the conventional spectrum of the 26 letters of the alphabet!I'm going to see....before i get captured by TV!See You laters!Oops!I'm back again!I don't know whether i'm coming or going because i'm everywhere at once!My nose is here....my eyes are over there......& everything in blending in & out of everything!I'm gonna put on my psychedelic specs & go snorkling in the Great Barrier Reef & merge into the explosion of colours.....in my dreams that is!I'm high on natural buzzes....please give me some more air!Thank God for the nose or otherwise who would know about oxygen!Jellyfish....don't have noses do they?An oxygen has eight sides doesn't it?Eight sides to eight....like the infinite eternal eight....that can't stop breathing?I'm not making any sense?Yes i am!I can smell for miles & miles & miles!Breathe in!Breathe OUt!Breathe in!There's no way out......when way out is in!Oops!Imagine having an elephant's nose!That's one Hell of a stonker of a breather!Oh no!I'm gonna sneeze!I'll save it for the Way Out Fever!I'm off like a hankie that's lost it's snot!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm still alive & nearly up to file 5!Gimme 5 man!There once was a man who lost his manhood......when walking through the woods alone one night!A nymph suddenly appeared & gave him a freaky fright which turned him into a woman....made of wood!
There are a few scary fairies out in the woods if you believe there are?Oops!Beware of hairy fairies.....as things can sometimes get hairy if you're too airy!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember being at a horrible boarding school once.....& one time i found this fruit-bat in the television room!Have i told this story?I can't remember now!Oh well......here it goes again............!I found this fruit-bat & took it up to the dorms.....& the thing straight away flew off & around above the partitioned walls of the dorms & set the whole school off!It's was total hysteria.....i thought the the noise was going to crack all the windows simultaneously.....& balst the roof off the school!I didn't get let off lightly when the school master figured it was me.He certainly gave me too many detentions all in a row & it felt like i spent all my time there doing washup!I had to washup the dishes 15 times a week....to hundreds of students!It was making me go completely batty!I should of been paid for all my labours worth!I guess i have done a few other jobs other than jesting.....but none of them ever paid!Oneday i'll pay myself so well......i'll have to get a King to feed me!A heiress would be more fun!Adios Amigos!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I've just about finished even though i haven't even started yet!Hot's for dommer!I sounds like you've got the hots for Donner!Have i got it right in Dutch?Crikey!
Maybe i should write to the Queen & she might give me a gig!Maybe i'll try all the Queen's of the World until one agrees?I'll do the full 360 degrees until one agrees!I'll be the jester in the court of higgledy-piggledy!I'll get the licence to fully fool the kingdom!It will eventually become contagious that i will go from kingdom to kingdom until the world Kingdom of every living thing unites!I'll unite the World.....but first i have to unite myself!I'll become knighted after many late nights...until the sun always shines...& then i'll be the first jester to have a go on the moon...& then i'll do all the flipping planets......until i get trapped in a Planetarium!I'm going.....but i'll return later!Laters!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There once was a cheesy man
you wore the most loungecore
clothes in any land,
that your eyes
would go sore
if he would stand
close by!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

It's Mr Rumpity-Bumpity here on the bumpy ride of life again write now....trailing behind letters.....that form never-ending tales.....of the picture story book of books within books!I'm trapped in the book of life & there's no way out of the story!I'll just keep jumping back in...& out....until i'm fully full.....which will never be full for a fool!I'm fit!Ripe for the shelf even though i'm a silly little elf....that can't reach the shelf!I'll get up & reach for the stars & get out of being a down clown with the frown!Get Up!Get Down!Yeh!Up Up & Away!Giddy Up!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I spy with my little eyes something beginning with GooOse!I think the answer to everything is GoOose!Yes!GooOse is everything!P.S.GooOsE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I'll probably never even read any of these stories i write!I can't even remember any of my poems from year's back now!It's embarassing when people put me on the spot....& i just can't remember anything?Oh Well What the heck!My mind is blank!Should i walk the plank?Know my mind is fully "Fool?"
Perhaps i'll fully fool myself....& then i'll never fall off the rails that line the stories of life!I'm not making any sense am i?I spy with my little eyes......something beginning with end!My eyes are closed & my mind is open....so there's more to explore in the shores of the Divine....?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Strewth Ruth!I saw this sheilah the other day....& she looked like a flamin' gallah!I asked her for some xxxx & she called me a flippin'"Poof!"I couldn't believe she was a man!I only found out when i stuck me hand under her dress.What do you reckon about that ya hooter of a rooter?I couldn't believe my eyes......she gave me a flaming red hot stonker!Gorblimey!I'm pissed mate!
Hello it's Rumpelstiltskin here!I didn't write this even though i did!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Jack be simple
Jack be quick
Jack jump over the asparagus stick!
snot moss buns
Snot moss buns
One that funny
Two that's runny
Humpty Dumpty
sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty
sat on his balls
All the King's guinea pigs
& all the King's jellyfish
couldn't put Mr Bumpy
together again!
God!That's the worst post i'll ever do!
I'll do more than a moat
full of moss!
I'm starting to grow moss on my back!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I don't think file 5 will ever appear?It's a little queer?Maybe i'll wait til it turns green.....or is this a joke.....to turn me into dream that i can wake up from?Oh well!Here goes another story!I'll just fish out one from the well & tell the sroty of Zingle The Fish!
There was a fish called Zingle
who would watch all the other fish
shwish round & around
This went on & on
until Zingle
was gone!
Poor Zingle
never got his wish!
He always remained
permanately single
even though
he was fooled by fame!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!There's no folders left!Maybe it's time to fold?I'll fold myself up in a castle in a parcel & send away the days....until i arrive back home sitting on a throne....whilst watching the gnomes....greet away pardons.....in the never-ending gardens!No....I'm a fool,not a King!I'd rather sing than have too many jewels!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gorblimey!It's Xmas......just about!Is the World still here?Hey Father Xmas.......i want something for free for Xmas!Can you see me?Where are you?If you go here.....i'll go there & maybe we'll unite our go's until we show what's...?I've got to go...so....where's Mother Xmas?Perhaps there should be a hermaphrodite.....unisex....Mr & Mrs Father/Mother Xmas!Merry Xmas!
Whatever?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

OOps!I accidently created another file!I'm not off my dial am i?Anyway signing off Mr Rumpel Stiltskin with another http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif!I'll be back after a while http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Prof Willie B]

12 hours and 34 minutes of continuous posting, folks.
Please, a round of applause.

[Rumpelstiltskin]

http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gifHello.....Mr Blah-Blah-Blah here wishing you all well!
I did have a couple of hours break....& logged back on & off a few times. This time i'll log off...like a frog off to hop! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm going to join a group
of nincompoops
& poop
until i'm pooped
until i'm pooped
around the loop! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

It's All Fool's Day Today
= = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Hooray!
It's All Fool's Day
today
It's All Fool's Day
I'm going to display
myself
as a fool
today
and play
away the day
It's a fool's
day today
so all come & fool! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

This Is What I call A Book
==========================
Look!
What a book!
It reads
itself
ontop of any shelf
It's worth a look
It's a good book
because it reads
itself! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There Goes My Nose Again
========================
Whoops my nose just fell off
I better stick it back on
Every time i cough
my nose falls off
I better make sure i don't cough
because then i don't have to stick
it back on again! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

My Ukulele Sounds Like A Fish
=============================
Crikey my ukulele
has gone scaly
Is it turning into a fish?
I wish
it would
because it's not good
wood
anyway!
It's still worth a play! http://www.performers.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"Stop The Frowns!"
=================
You silly rapscallion!
You're supposed to be part
of the nonsense battalion
It's your zany art
so go & fight
for your rights
to be a clown!
Remember your motto
is"Stop The Frowns!" http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

You Should Be Called Quibberdick!
=================================
You'rea tatterdemalion
rapscallion
nincompoop
who always pooped!
You're a swill belly
rumpot
who always smelly
They should call you Quibberdick
because you're a thick
quibbler who can't
stop quibbling quibble!
Arhh go & scribble
your name
all over the place
Remember it's "Quibberdick",
you silly tatterdemalion
rapscallion
nincompoop! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Silly Little Tweetle
====================
I like Tweetle
She's a silly bettle
who lives in a pot
in a crazy spot
I should call her Twittle http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

King Where's Your Heart?
========================
Three no trumps
Ace no spades
Jack no Jill
Trolls no clubs
Queen no diamonds
King no jester
King!Where's your heart?
No jester! http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm Going To Cry My Eyes Out Soon!
==================================
Oh crikey,crikey,crikey!
I've got a mosquito in my eye!
Christ!Now it's slid
under my eyelid!
If i don't get it out
i'm going to cry! http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Last Thing I Want Is Crumpets You
=====================================
Strumpet!
==========
I don't want that crummy crumpet
so nick off you wretched strumpet!
Why don't you go down the street
and put yourself on display for a week
but please don't make me blow my trumpet! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Did You Do That Squiggle Niggle?
================================
Who put that squiggle
in my book!
Did you do that Niggle?
You're a crook!
That does it!
I'm going to over wiggle
your tea-bag
until you turn into
an old hag! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Ninnyhammers Muddle Me Up!
==========================
I don't want
silly ninnyhammers
in my presence!
Their presence
start to make
me stammer
my grammer! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh You're A Funny Little Red Thing
===================================
All you can do is crawl
all over walls
you silly little red spider
I guess you're a good hider
Did you realize
you look like a little
red ball
when you crawl? http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Diddly Dum
Diddley Dee
I have to go
even though
i'm not yet done
Any way
here i go
away
Cheeers
Have fun
& see
with your ears
Oops
I'm a puny
goon!
Toodleloo
I'm off
like a toff
kangaroo! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!In the evening yesterday....i logged off & then went to change some money & all the change offices were closed i thought!Had 20 pence left!Lucky i found 1....with a good rate!Ontop of that i went to check out a party......miles away!I walked quite a distance also to get to the party.When i got there it was really,really quite!It was an abandoned house in a really posh area.The party wasn't even on!By that stage there was absolutely no transport....left....buses or trains(Xmas Eve/well it was after midnight)....so i ended up walking 7 or 8 miles across London in the cold!Gorblimey!I've had a few crap Xmases!Right now....there is also no transport......unless you can afford really heft cabs!
Years ago i got locked in my friend's house for Xmas day as he locked the door from the outside!Oh well what the heck!Next year.....i'll be onto it.....but i prefer New Year's Eve!Cheeers! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Humpty's Done It Again!
==========================
Humpty Dumpty sat on some meatballs
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's idiots
and all the king's hen
couldn't put Humpty together again! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Mischievious Stomach Beetle
===========================
There was a stomach beetle
that lived inside a goat
It would always giggle
making the goat
throw up oats. http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Lusty Rhinoceros beetle
============================
There was a rhinoceros beetle
that tried to have sex
with an elephant beetle
but soon lost his sex
appeal
when he heard
a dung beetle squeal http://www.performers.net/ubb/redface.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Ring-A-Ring-A-Noses
===================
Ring-a-ring-of-roses
a pocketful of noses
Atishoo,atishoo
we all fall down
The robin on the steeple
is sneezing at the people
Atishoo,atishoo
we all fall down
The wedding elves are sneezing
the little goblins & pixies
are wheezing
Atishoo,Atishoo
We all fall down
to the ground! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Poor Incy Wincy Spider
======================
Incy wincy spider
climbed up the crusty couch
Down came the gherkin cider
& washed poor incy out!
Out came the sun
& dried up all the champagne
so Incy wincy spider
climbed up the crusty couch
again http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Pussy Cat Pussy Cat
===================
Pussy Cat,pussy cat,where have you been?
I've been up stairs to visit a dragqueen
Pussy cat,pussy cat,what did you do there?
I frightened a little red spider under her chair! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Just Keep On Hopping
====================
Go to the hop garden
& everytime you hop
say"beg your pardon!"
Hop
"Beg your pardon!"
Hop
"Beg your pardon!"
Hop
Beg your pardon!"
Just keep hopping
until you drop. http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Poor Peter Peter The Pumper-nickle
==================================
Peter,Peter,pumpernickle eater
Had a wife & couldn't feed her
He put her in a turtle shell
& there she felt very smelly http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Quick,quick...
file six
is around the corner
& i'm a yawner

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!The thing got sent quicker than i was ready!Sometimes......ya fingers hit the wrong keys......& sometimes i lose me flippin' messages.Any way i'll point myself in the right direction......like a nimble
ninnyhammer waiting for resurrection....into....another file..really worthwhile!Cheeers!HAve you got another year....Big Ears!Oops you can't hear these messages with your eyes?Oops! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Weird Thimble Head
=======================
There once was a nincompoop
who had too many thimbles
Everyone thought
he was a complete fruit-loop
& he was really short
of money
but still very funny
What a nincompoop http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif
all he ate was gherkin soup!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I Once Had A Strange Dream
===========================
I once had a dream
a witch gave me
some icecream
I looked at it
& then ate it
That was the end
of the dream http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Get Yourself Together!
=========================
You're as mixed up
as scrambled eggs!
What's going on
in your head?
Have you been
hypnotized by a gooose?
I wished you would get
your head
together!
You're making me feel
untogether!??? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif???

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I Really Am A Mixed Up Puzzle?
==================================
I feel like a jig-saw puzzle
that hasn't been put together right!
I don't think i'll ever puzzle
myself out?
I'm a hard puzzle
to puzzle out!
I'm going to try to puzzle
myself out...
piece by piece
until i've completed
my whole personal puzzle?
I'll always be puzzled?
I don't think i'll ever
solve my puzzle? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gorblimey!Gorblimey!Gordy Gord!
Oh for Christ's sake!I lost another epic of an e-mail!When i fished it....so finished it.....i submitted it & then realised....it didn't work & back-spaced it....but it didn't come back!
Gordy Gord.....get a bauble & affix it with
a GooOse's bladder & thwack me in the rump
so it's as hard as a gourd!I'm off to find some fruit-tingles!P.S.GooOsE! http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Go On Let's Have An Egg & Spoon Race
====================================
Let'shave an egg & spoon race
you ugly fat goblin
with the hairy face!
I bet you a gherkin
that i'll win!
Does a gherkin grab your fancy?
If so get up
or hiccup
& get ready to race
the egg & spoon race! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

Q.What's green & holds up stage coaches?

A.Dick Gherkin! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I Want A Gherkin Beer Right Now!
===================================
I haven't had a gherkin beer
for donkey's years!
I'll have one right now!
I don't know how?
I'll have one now
even if there's no gherkin beer! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I Always Arrive On The Dot!
===========================
I'm going to arrive on the dot
when i come to the next full stop!
In fact,i'll land on the dot!
I'll land on the dot or the spot
whether it be a freckle spot,beauty spot
or just a plain
silly little dot!
I'll even land on the last dot
of the dot-to-dots
so stop the clock
so i can arrive on all the dots
& spots on the dot! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh You're An Old Snail!
=======================
Oh you old snail
i bet you even hang
onto your fingernails!
You're so slow
i bet you even
watch plants grow!
You're a slow coach
..too slow to catch a cockroach!
I think you're ready
to hang up your boots
& shoot through! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh You're Really Getting Up My Nose!
====================================
You're getting up my nose!
Why don't you go & say"Hello",
to a goblin
or look for a gherkin
or wheel a wheelbarrow
from now until tomorrow
but please don't get up my nose!
I'd rather smell a rose! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Come Come To The Fair
========================
Come Come
come to the fair
There will be a mixed bag
of goblins
pixies
fairies
& all sorts
of assorted goodies
Oh come come
come to the fair!
Be fair on yourself
& come to the fair
as an elf! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I Once Knew A Quaint Dunce
===========================
I once
knew a dunce
who could stand
on a slant
while eating quince http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Even Though We Haven't Started...I've Already
=============================================
Won!
====
Heads i win
Tails you lose
Tails you grin
Heads i choose
Heads i spin
Tails you moo! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I've Had A Fool Life!Do You Think I Should Stop!==========================
============
My life has nearly come to a full stop!
I think i'm about to drop?
Bye bye goblins
bye bye pixies
bye bye fairies
I'm as good as poodle plop!
I'm a complete flop!
I've nearly squeezed my last drop!
Oh i feel sloppy
Oh i feel stroppy!
I'm going to miss those
opshops!
Bye bye......dot..dot...dot...dot
Is this fullstop
going to be a quick stop
or a long stop
& is it going to be a little dot
or a big spot?
I think this fullstop
is going to be a long shot!
Hurry up!Fool stop
before i lose the plot! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Do This For Fun!
================
Do you want some fun?
Well dress up as a nun
& then laugh
at a giraffe
with your bum! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

God!Does Anything Ever Seem Right?
===================================
I'm Mr Wrong
& you're Mr Right!
Right?
Wrong!
No right!
Yes wrong!
No wrong..
Yes right
No No
Yes Yes
Wrong wrong
Right Right
Wrong wrong
two wrongs
don't make a right
so i must be right!
You're wrong
& i'm right!
Gong!
We're both wrong!
No we're both right?
Ok you're right
& i'm left!
Toodleloo
Mr You! http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif


[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I Wished That Frog Would Stop Barking!
=========================================
"Bow wow!"
I wished your frog
would stop barking!
Frog's are meant to croak
not bark!
"Bow wow!"
There it goes again!
Turn it off!
It's driving me around the bend!
Don't give it to the dog
or otherwise the dog
may start croaking! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

G'day there.....Mr Stiltskinny here looking at a stick-insect....who has just eaten a tiny tick.....because the tick got tricked & thought it was a stick!Such is life!I guess we all have to make a living somehow!Cheeers! http://www.performers.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Jack Be Quick!
==============
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick!
Jack jump on the pogostick! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Up there cazaly in there & fight
show em' your at em...show em ya might
Up there cazaly in there & fight
show em' your at em...show em your might!
I've forgotten the lines now?
Ozzy rules!
This is part of the Australian rules footy song....& the ball is made of kangaroo hide sometimes....isn't it?
I'm the Worldly Kangaroo Jester Of Oz
I'm an Ozzy battler mate!
I'm batting for Oz
I represent my country
so ya footy footy fans
should be proud of me!
I'm a weazle.....& here i go....go....go!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I've lost me friggin' goosepimple for crying out loud!It was there yesterday!Maybe it was a mosquito bump...or a scabie's bite or...a little red spider...bite....or just a friggin' temporary goosebump!P.S.
There once was a gooose
that jumped over a bump
All the ducks laughed
& almost split in laugh
because it looked so obtuse! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Gypsy Joker
is back
like a boomerang
even though
i'm nearly
as skint
as a flint!
so give me a token
before i'm broke! http://www.performers.net/ubb/redface.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Come on you Buck Fizz fans
.....give me some Air Supply
....& i'll be Hush
I need some Sherbet
to listen to
as it goes with this
Gary Glitter
Ziggy Stardust stuff
that Barry Manilow
wants to have a go
of!Show off
ya show pony
Mr Baloney!
Holy Macaroni!
I'm off
as i have to show off! http://www.performers.net/ubb/cool.gif

[fracksfreakshow]

Fracks here with ya Rumple, keep it up

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Fool's Fool
===============
There's a fool on the hill
Look over there!
Can't you see the dil
over there?
It's uphill
right ontop of that hill!
Oh gosh!There's another fool
on top of that hill!
It must be it's dual?
Am i seeing right
or is my sight
being fooled?
I can see with my left
I can see with my right
I see 2 fools
& now i only see one!
Now there is none!
This is no fun
have i had too
much rum?
Oh God!Now my eyes
are full of fool's!
I can't believe why? http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hugo The Funny Echidna
=======================
I once had an echidna called Hugo
who always nibbled on my toes!
It liked smelling snuff
& looking at wheaty puffs.
i never knew why
it was so terrified of potatoes? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Wow Mr Razzamatazz!
=======================
Mr Razzamatazz
you have pizzaz
You can tap
you can rap
You can even rap
to jazz!
Oh Mr Razzamatazz
tap your toes
& let me watch you flow
to this jazzy jazz! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh crikey!I'm just being a gooOse!Soon I'm going to just totally Cut LooOse & Pixt Out To the Complete Max again!Just joking?Gee my jokes are getting worse!?
I'm Captain Two-Finger typer & i saw this knight the other night who said"Night Night!",to the knight the other night!The other knight said"Nighty Night!"
& then the two knights went another way
& then it was day!
The Knight Of Knitting Needles once crusaded through a mountain of trash as it was a fierce knitting-needle collector!He had a castle made entirely of millions of knitting-needled stuck together!His favourite knitting-needled were the 1300's type!You couldn't pull the wool over his eyes....when trying to trade him with chopsticks!Anyway that's enough! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Poor Goblin With Gherkin Pox
================================
There was a goblin
who felt very insecure
because he got a silly disease
which couln't be cured
It was called gherkin pox. http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Fat Horrible Dunce
======================
There was a fat horrible man
who sat
on a rat
on a mat
& then put it
in his hat
& spat
& then ran http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I Feel Frazzled
==================
Oh razzle dazzle
I feel frazzled
I've lost my shoe!
What should i do?
God!I'm bedazzled! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Poor Zingle The Fish
=====================
I once had a fish
called Zingle
who always remained single
because i only
ever had one fish
Poor Zingle
I'm sorry
you never got your wish http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember i was in Romania some years ago & i was in some little town late at night ready to make my way to the train station to see if i could get a train to the next destination.The funny thing was my watch had stopped & every clock(about 5)i passed by were all different times!I couldn't figure out which was one which?It was totally surreal.....but i guess things can at times be really surreal or surreally real!I did have to wait at the station for quite a number of hours by crikey!Anyway i better hit the frog & toad!I have no watch....so i better make sure the time is not later than late!Laters!Oops!It's earlier than earlier!I can't go anywhere as the transport has stopped as of this Xmas Eve thing!Cheeers!Merry Xmas LOndon!Gorblimey!I'll never forget that 8 mile walk last night!Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Arhhh For Crying Out Rhubarb!
==============================
Oh friggin' fruit-tingles....there's a crinkle in my paisley tie.I better iron it......or me boss will flip his lid!What do you mean!I have no boss?Who would book a nitwit....with a case full of moss!I'm a softcase!Not a hardcase! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

For Christ's sake
Ronald McDonald
should be nailed
to a cross!
He's probably
the most famous clown icon
in the World today!
Sorry Charlie
Ronald's here to stay!
That's where the taste
is really at these days!
He's in favour
even if you don't appreciate
the flavour!
It just goes to show
"What's popular.....
isn't necessarily
always so positive!"
The truth hurts! http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once went to an Aboriginal...well Koori....is the proper way to say it....a Koori named school called Kurrajong.....& oneday when i rocked into school.....i sent all the kid's in hysterics!I didn't even know why they were all laughing until some kid said"Hey!Ya got ya pants on back-to-front mate!"I looked....& thought"So i have!"The back pockets....made as front pockets.....even though there were no back pockets!Life is full of surprizes! http://www.performers.net/ubb/redface.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once gave my great grandmother some bath-pearls for her birthday!She was nearly 100!I went with my relatives to visit her in an old nursing home in Adelaide.I handed her the bath pearls when i got there.After some time there....my relatives & i were busy in conversation & we took our eyes off her...some minutes....& later discovered...that she had bubbles coming out of her mouth!She obviously mistook them for sweets!We quickly rescued her from the bath-pearls & then we all had a good laugh!Crikey!The show must go on.....even at time's if it seems a bit like a soap opera! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh crikey!I'm up to number 200!Well after i post this!Gorblimey!Here i go....... http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The GooOse is Back in Motley!
Just joking?
I have been in my jester's outfit
on occasions....whilst at different internet cafe's.
Sometimes it get's funny reactions....when people observe the profile my long false nose with the green bell on the end....& then look down at my curly pixie-shoes with tinkle bells!
People go"Hey!Look at this dude will ya!"
What the heck the show must go on!
I have even been hitching in my jester's outfit in the pitch black..late at night(with no moon)....on the side of the road....with my shagged..wonky...weather-beaten granny trolley with 4 wheels!
I remember i was at the Oerol Festival....a festival on an island way up in the north of Holland....& one night....i was by myself with trolley & all..completely lost in the dark....& pissed...& was way out in the middle of nowhere.....& i thought"Bugger it!I'm buggered!",so i just crashed out on the side of the road....next to some fence....with jester nose & all!Early in the morning i awoke to the noise of a wobbly tractor....& this old Dutch farmer....yelled out something....which i couldn't understand!I just rolled over & said"G'day!",looking ever so dizzy....that he must of thought"What a fucken GooOse!"
He just went on....& left me...& then i fell asleep again!God!I was on a bit of a bender!What the heck!No one's perfect!Cheeers! http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

For Fuck's sake!I keep losing all these stories.....i get half way through!I was into quite a lengthy one then & accidently hit some key....& back-spaced quickly to retrieve it but it had already disappeared into the void!I'm falling asleep!I better log off....before i fall off my chair!It's funny sometimes when you're on a bus or something & when ya really buggered...ya just keep accidently keep leaning on the shoulder of the person next to ya!I remember i did it some weeks ago...& this bloke kept...pushing me off....but i was so buggered that i kept accidently doing it constantly....until he got up & left & then i woke up in some lady's lap!Gorblimey!What's going on? http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

3 minutes to go
& then i'll be free
The time will disappear
& then there
will be no more
writing here
in this current letter
so i better hurry up
& get up
before it
all disappears
in thin air!
Where?
Air!
http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Lordy....lord...i'm back! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif
There once was a silly old clock-maker
who thought he was a ghost?
He would constantly turn around
& everywhere he went
he was followed by his shadow
One day he looked at the clock
& the clock said"It was time to stop!"
He said"No!",& went the other way
& reincarnated into Casper The Cat!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gees!It would be good if these friggin' internet cafes have toilets!
The only good thing about McDonald's is going to use the toilet!Even that's not open at the moment!I remember the first time i saw this toilet in Austria.....near the Swiss boarder.....i couldn't beleive it....it even cleaned itself!The lid(not the closing lid)would rotate around & it would look a bit weird...when the oblong ends would slowly rotate.I though"Are my eye's seeing right!Or have a had an extremely late night?"Crikey!High tech toilets!Apparently there is a toilet in Hong Kong made from full 24 carrot gold....not 24 carrots!
I wouldn't like to find out what it would be like.....to have a piddle on an electric fence!
I was once in someone's house boat in Holland...& after i went to the toilet....it flooded & they were'nt so amused!
I remember being in Moscow....at some markets.....& after i went to the toilet......my hands were so freezing cold....i couldn't do my fly up!I kept walking...as there was a queue...& then my pants fell down.I pulled em up again....put still couldn't do the buggers up...as my hands were so unko.Every time i would make some progress....my pants would start to fall down!Surprisingly....some Asian chap had an air-heater at his food stall & i thawed my hands out....which took about 15 minutes!
Crikey!I would hate to be the insects that get pissed on in the bush at some festival or whatever?I off!Oops! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I'm really struggling to keep my lids open!I'm almost in a dream.....within a dream!I'll stay awake in this dream & stretch it out....before i go.....to the Land Of Nod!The Land Of NOddy!
I remember year's ago i got picked up by a junkie.....whilst hitching near the Nimbin Hills in Northern N.S.W in Australia!His pupils were so small you could tell he was completely pinned!He would constantly....nearly nod off..for a split second!You would have to nudge him....when he'd try to make it around the corners....so he would come to his senses around the bends!
It's a drag sometimes when you're stuck out in the middle of no-where......that sometimes.......almost any lift will do! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When i was about 18 i slept in the bush one night....just off the highway in Surfer's Paradise in Australia....after waiting on the side of the road for hours.When i awoke at about 5 in the morning......i thumbed a red Datsun car....which immediately pulled over!I got in....had to pull the seat forward as there were no back doors!Then after i was in.....the car quickly took off!There were 3 other guys....in the car....& after a couple of minutes driving.....the car screamed down the highway.I wanted to get out there & then....but waited a few more minutes...& then said"I need to go to the toilet!"They all laughed....& said"Sorry mate!"I then said"I'll give you $5 if you stop so i can go to the toilet!"They laughed & said"Have you got any drugs!"I said "No!",& they said"What good are ya!"
After more madness.....the driver turned around & said"I don't even have a licence!I'm gonna take you to Hell & back!"
The other guy in the front....said"Drive faster ya pansy!",& so did the guy in the back!After about 40 kms of sheer madness driving....the driver was trying to be fancy with the steering wheel & then took his eyes off the road & laughed....& then the car went totally out of control & flipped & rolled & spun & landed upside down on the other side of the road.There was a tishhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......sound & it sounded like the car was going to blow up!There was glass everywhere & all the windows were smashed & we were all jammmed in!We all struggled to get out.....& i was the last one to wiggle my way out after some time!When i got out......i was staggering.....& was shocked.....& felt really light....as if gravity was playing tricks on me!I had a few tiny scatches & everyone seems alright!All these on coming drivers had stopped to check out the chaos....& it almost looked like Close Encounters of The Third Kind or something!The driver had cut his ear & was bleeding!The guy in the back & the one in the front left of the car...quickly walked up the road & flagged a car down & they were off in no time!All the people left & then the driver walked up the road trying to thumb a lift!I started hitching too & soon a car stopped for me.....& before i had time to explain to the driver what had happened.....the driver of the other car...quickly ran over & got in!I thought"Oh No!"He said"Sorry!"I thought"What a fucking idiot!"We were off & when were near Brisbane the....the thug was let out...as he said he had to go to a local hospital.When i got to the Interstate Brisbane bus station(well a few minutes after being there)....i couldn't believe.....that 2 of the thugs were there....& they turned around & saw me & said"What do ya reckon!Better than a roller-coaster ride anyday aye!",& then they were off!Sometimes you can just expect the unexpected in this life as it's a bumpy road were on!I was hitching to the Maleny Folk Festival!When i finally got there it was like Heaven!The Show Must Go On & it did!Lucky my stuff was already there & i didn't take it with me!The God's are with me! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember being in this town called Nimbin in Nth East Australia....& some friend's & i got the last lift out of Nimbin going to a party way out in the hills.We all managed to persuade some tall solid looking....over-tanned bloke with long black hair.....to give us all a lift in his old ute!After about 15 minutes driving we were all a bit weirded out as the car was zig-zagging from left to right...& s'sing all over the joint.We all yelled out"Stop!",& he slightly opened his door & then it nearly got ripped off by a signpost just as he was stopping!He got out & took a long...long piss & then turned around & said"Just a door aye!"We had to laugh as this guy was off his trolley!We changed drivers & he fell asleep in the back.....& we finally got to the party & told of our adventure...& relaxed while he was crashed in the back of the ute for the night!Crikey!The Show Must Go On! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Little Pee-Wee
==============
Little Pee-Wee
he went to sea
on an old goat;
& while afloat
the old goat ended
He transcended! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Ethyl Elise
==============
Ethyl Elise,she jumped with surprise;
the surprise was so quick,it played
her a trick!
The trick was so rare,
she fell off her chair!
The chair was so frail
because it turned into a snail
The snail was so wet,
she got wet!
The snail was so small,
she decided to roll into a ball
She was so round,
she rolled along the ground,
and evr since then
she's been rolling around http://www.performers.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Ghostly Snail Mail
======================
There once was a ghost
that went to post
itself through the mail
but it got spotted
by a snail
which left a trail
of snot all over it
because the ghost
was trying to pretend
to be the mail!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Good golly!I'm up to Seven!On the Good Ship Lollypop.....on the Good Ship Lollypop............!Is that Tiny Tim or Shirley Temple singing from the Heavens.
Seven.......yeh!I'm off to Heaven!Where's the 7 Eleven!Just joking!God!It's amazing how history fell into this pattern.....& after all this evolution......humanity....has come to the conclusion of 7 Eleven!Taste Bud Mania....eat ya heart out!I'm gonna get a Pollywaffle so i can scoff it down the hatch quicker than hen can hatch an egg that's almost hatched!What?I'm not writing this am i?I think this keyboard is writing on it's own!I'm not even touching the thing!Gorblimey!This is queer!It's completely Kooky!Hey check this out will ya...................! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Doctor Foster
=============
Doctor Foster went to Piddlepool
in a shower of rain.
He stepped in some piddle
which went up to his middle
& so he never went
there again! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

A Man In The Funny Farm Who Asked Me A Funny Question?
============================================
A man in the funny farm
asked me,"How many gherkins grow in the sea?"
I answered him,as i thought good,
"As many as green goblins that hide in the woods!" http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Come Out Of Your Hole You Snail!
================================
Snail,snail,
come out of your hole
or else you
will turn to coal!
Snail,snail,
pull out your horns
& i'll give you old bread
& uncooked popcorn! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Smiling World Of Turtles
============================
Have you ever noticed how turtles are always smiling.It's interesting.....that they carry a smile with them wherever they go.Their facial phrenology could perhaps be an upward frown!Just joking?Who knows whether turtles are really happy or sad?How can a psychiatrist analyse the mood of a turtle!Come on you arthritic armchair critic....work out this one!Tell your anal lies!Oh crikey!The turtle's coming out!
Turtles look happy....even when they're probably really fucked off!Crikey!That would be a bit of a drag......that you couldn't physically frown.I guess they have no lip muscles.Crikey!Maybe they took too much ecstasy.....in the Time Warp of life....& evolved out of.....an out-of-control-Time-Machine!"Hello!I'm a Turtle am I'm Fuckin' Happy!I'm going through life with a permanent smile!I feel Fuckin'Great!Just look at me for Fuck's sake!I'm a Turtle as happy as can be!Happy,Happy,Happy!I'm happy go lucky!" http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

What Am I?
==========
Tra-laa-la
Tra-la-lee
Diddley-da
Diddley-dee
la-de-da
la-de-de
Giggly wiggly
fiddly twiggles
i'm a ninny
i'm a thingy?
What am I?
I have little thimbles
& many goosepimples
My teeth are green
& my nose is purple
My legs are striped
red & green
& my hat
goes with my pipe!
What am I?
I'm spotted
i'm goosey
i'm tiny
& my voice is high?
What am I?
I skippity-skip
to & fro
away with the days
singing"Um diddle dum",
"Um diddle dum!"
I know what i am?
I'm a flippin'
cute
little fruit-loop
that's what i am!
Toodleloo
Mr Magoo! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh God!They play the worst music on Earth sometimes at these internet cafe's!It surprising what sells in this World!For Fuck's sake there's alot of Bad TAste out there!Just have a look in any Opshop(second-hand shop...or first-hand shop)!It's amazing people can make a living from this!I mean one line lyric song's for Fuck's sake!People laugh at the 60's....but at least the songs...even if they...were a bit hippy dippy at times....had more content this the souless shit my ears just can't help hearing!They should totally ban this music!I'm sure it would do humanity a favour!It just goes to show that the music industry is rigged!Gorblimey!Everything is rigged!There's definately people out there with more dollars than sense!Oh well that's not my problem!Each to their own!
Gorblimey!I sometimes think that the Renaissance of the 60's would of been a funny
time to do some jesting & gooose about with all those psychedelic bands!Imagine doing a funny little run around to warm up Jimi Hendrix....before he cut loose!
Also all those Flower Power bands.....would of been a bit of a laugh....to totally pansy out like a silly sissy wearing a totally paisley joker's outfit!"Throw Them Flowers Man!"
I know"Let's all try & do the 60's again!"
Just joking?
"Ok!What about the 80's?"
I'll be right!Gee the 80's suck!
I guess i'm here & now
for a reason?
Who knows if the times are right?
What is the right time?
How can time always be right?
Maybe the times are completely out of time?
The time is now!
I'm living in the old ages
while trying to keep up with the new ages!
There's no time like now!
Mooo you cow!
I'm a medieval cow!
Moooooooooooooooooooo!
Crikey!I'm a 14th century pixie
trying to do the Renaissance 60's thing!
I'm a dying art
hanging onto a mouldy fart
but the show must go on
even if i have to get off!
I'm getting off
on this.....
because the only way off
is on...
& i'm going to go on & on & on & on & on & on
& on....until the end of eternity + 1 day....& then i'll even keep going & going until i finally don't stop going!The Show Must Go On!Crikey!There's no way out of the Show!Oh No!I have to go but the show won't!What the heck!The Show must Go!P.S.Crikey! http://www.performers.net/ubb/rolleyes.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Fair dinkum mate...........I have to go to the dunny.....but maybe i'll have to wait til the flippin' toilets are open......or else i'll never go to the friggin' toilet!
Gorblimey!These urbanised places make ya almost feel like a friggin' monkey when ya just want a have a piddle by a post!
It's fun more less tense....just having a piddle in the bush on ya own!Anyway i have to hit the frog & toad......before i miss the toilet!Shit!I better hurry!I'm off a.s.a.p!Cheeers! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh!I forgot the one about....2 little pumpkins.....that got caught by a scrawny......wretched bumpkin.....wearing purple & green tartan overalls.....with humungous buck teeth & the Buck Rodgers tattoo on his head!Anyway here goes.............................................. ..ZZZzzzzzzz
ZZZzZZzZzZzZzz......................ZzzZZzZzZzZZ
zzzz.........................ZzzZzZzzZzzZzzZZzz... ......
.......... ..............ZzzZzZzzZzz.........................&
then i slithered out of the daydream & woke up with my face in a bowl of rhubarb porridge!
What the heck is happening?I have to go.................as there is a Emu.....that looks like a monster in a tutu....staring at me......with one eye!Ooops!Sorry!I just woke up again!I'm up!I'm Up!I don't know whether i'm awake or if i'm asleep?I can't tell the difference!Help!
Am i in a dream awake or am i in awake in a dream?
Anyway i'm now gonna play my organ which is full of different animal wind-pipes!Cheeers ya GOoOse!
P.S+P.S.Etc? http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was almost going to go to the toilet......but now i don't have to go so bad!Anyway where was i?Oh!Here i am!"Hello & G'day!"
The Stunty Dunce
================
There once was a dunce
who would would do the best stunts
day in
day out
One day
he thought"Okay!"
That's all he thought...
"Okay!"
He would jump over
piles of
rotten hand-made
frisbees
until oneday
he jumped over himself
which me made as an elf.
What a dunce
What the heck!
He thought"Ya only live once!" http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Goody Goody!I'm coming up to 2 tutu's!I wouldn't mind becoming a ballerina one of these days?I actually did a 10 week ballerina course when i was about 17.It was a class to show you can be done in 4 years over ten weeks.Everyone there had a bit of experience except me!I'm rocked up....wearing daggy clothes & all the girl's were wearing tutu's & ballet shoes!I was also the only boy in the whole class.Ontop of that the teacher was Chinese & the ballet terminology was in French.
All the girl's would laugh at me all the time....as i would get all the moves muddled up....& couldn't ever get in step properly.Once we were all holding onto the rail next to the mirror...& we had to kick our outside leg up in the air.....as a technique.After a few swings......some girl from behind absent mindedly kicked me right in the funny bone(not that one)!It gave me the most full on tingles....that i went"Arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
All the girl's went nuts laughing!
Crikey!I still can't remember bugger aLL moves though!I'm off like a silly sissy pansy......ready to dance like an oddball gooOse that off his flute!I'm Peter Pan The Piccolo Man! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm going to read you a Chinese poem written in Braille upside down & back-to-front while standing on my head...with one eye blind-folded....& then turn the page around anti-clockwise.....all at the same time
& then translate it in Lithuanian with a forked tongue!Then i really be speaking in tongues!
I once got picked up hitch-hiking in Tasmania.....a few hours after i arrived at the port!I was such a gooose that when i got off the boat...i thought i was in Hobart!Little did i know i was up the other end....in Devonport!I got a lift with a priest.....who said he would only give me a lift if i would go to a mass where he was the sermon....which was later that night!I took it up as i was there for ages trying to get out of there!In mass i kept nodding off......but i do remember all these people speaking all the different mumbling rhubarb languages which made no sense to my ears!
After mass.....i was given a lift straight to Hobart!God!The World's weird? http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

God!I don't think i'll make it to file 8 before 8 here where i am.I'm Up Over now....even though i'm sometimes from Down Under!Upstairs!Downstairs!Where are you?Right Over?Left Over?I'm going to get into every nook & cranny in this Whole Wide World!Every back-pocket......& get every inch of foot-space there is on the Land.I'll also breathe in all the air of the World & hear all the noises there are & taste everything there is!Yes!I'm gonna experience the spectrum of everything!Oh God!What's God?We're all God aren't we?How can we all know?I guess we can only go on human perception!How can we believe what us humans say?The fantasy of mankind(&womankind.....should say humankind)coming from human mind's?The fantasy of what this Planet is contained of?I'm going to consult an alien!
There are Parallel Universe's you know out there!I'm gonna check it out by crikey!There are no doors to perception.....where i'm about to go!Only space!That's what i need!What we all need!A bit of Space!I'm off....just have to adjust my antennae's & Tune Into The Universe! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Silly Wee Willie Winkie
========================
Wee Willie Winkie
wears a hiddeous frown
Upstairs
Downstairs
in his wedding gown;
tapping at the windows,crying at his dog;
"Are the ear-wigs still in their beds,for it's 8 o'clock?" http://www.performers.net/ubb/frown.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Was It You Frog-A-Doodle-Do?
============================
Frog-A-Doodle-Do
my rhinoceros beetle
has lost her shoe
My stick-insect
as lost his schtick
& doesn't know what to do?
Frog-A-Doodle-Do
my elephant beetle
has lost his poo
my twig-insect
has lost her tick,
so Frog-A-Doodle-Do,
was it you? http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

What's In Your Pocket?
======================
Lucy Locket
has a rocket
in his pocket
One Hell
of a stonker
he's going bonkers
he's going to explode
he's gonna show & tell
the World
he's over-loaded!
No he's not!
He's just full of snot! http://www.performers.net/ubb/redface.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I Won't Let Fame Tame Me!
=========================
For Heaven's sake
i'm as scrawny
as a rake
& i won't conform
as i can't be tamed
as i have no name
I'm just a GooOse
with the I.Q
of a MooOse
& i'm a pee-wee
cute
little hooter!
I'm in a picture-frame
looking at fame
with the use
of this computer!
Crikey!
I didn't write this!
It was an elf sitting
next to me!
Do you believe me?
I'm fooly free? http://www.performers.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

4 minutes left!4 & 4 = 8...so hurry up file 8
before i turn into Late!
An Aardvark times a jellyfish
divided by a can of asparagus
plus a weather-beaten Estonian broom
subtract the left shoe of a goblin gangster to the root of cauliflour equals a tragic tartan tractor!P.S.I'm Mr Wrong & i don't want to be right! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm just waiting for file eight & then i can straighten up!Don't worry.....i'm as straight as a nail or as crooked as a snail in jail?
I'm Mr Chitter Chatter Box
& i'm going to get my chicken-pox
machine gun & throw it into a sea of measles.
I'll then get Willy Wonky....to take me to the Wrong Shop....so i can trade in my peppermint twisty-sticks in exchange for some change made from blueberry gingerbread button nose's!I'm going to follow the munchkin's into throughout the Cosmos & go everywhere at once.....& follow them everywhere.....even if there is only one of me........& 15 billion of me!Where's my yo-yo? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

For crying out loud!I'm amazed that it all fell into place!Well....a few year's back i only just remembered what the date was?I then walked into a Clock....& it tocked me off to another time ever so far away.....that i never knew what place....it was!Oh well & now i'm here & it's nearly rolling into another year!I'm going to go for a ride 8 ways....around 8....& figure-skate myself into Eternity......& then come back fake!For Heaven's sake!I'll make myself into the letter 8 & then re-create myself from scratch like a fool that's been hatched by Creation's Cosmic Egg! http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Too Cosmic To Get My Head Round The Universe
============================================
More to go!There's always more to go!Perhaps i should get into the art of doing less?Some people believe that doing nothing isn't a waste of time!It's how you do nothing?I'm gonna simplify my life & throw myself away!

The Universe will just throw me back into reality & then i'll throw it back fantasy!
Reality+Fantasy=Fool?
I don't know?
Does anybody really know what's going on?
What's the Answer?
I guess if we all knew......we would know
& then there would be no answer left?Right?Who's right?Maybe we're all wrong?Just joking? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif P.S.Everyone wants to get the last word!Silence is Golden! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif
I should stop all my Blah Blah Blah
& step out of my mind
& get some peace!
I'm going on a retreat to free my mind
from thoughts?
There's just too many things to think about
& too many things to do!Gorblimey!It's mental,the pace of contemporary evolution!It's all in the mind!It's funny how you can get born into this fantasy called Life!I wonder what other reality i'll get born into next?P.S.These days you've just got to go for it!Whatever it is?Want do we all need: peace,love & happiness etc!Cheeers!No one's perfect! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

This Is No Pixie Prattle!
=========================
This is no pixie prattle!
There is a beetle battle
going on over the hill!
Don't stand still!
Get your jolly rattle
& join in!
Erase that grin!
This is no pixie prattle!
There is a beetle battle
going on over the hill
you silly dill
so join in
but don't kill
any beetles
in the battle! http://www.performers.net/ubb/wink.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Just Jingle Jangle Your Bells
=============================
Jangle jingle
jingle jangle
all your bells
Mr Little Elf!
Jangle jingle
every single
bell
in your bag
of bells!
Just jingle away
for me today
because your jangling
rings my bell! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Dribble Your Pixy Prattle Somewhere Else!
=========================================
Garble garble gabble
gurgle gargle babble
Gurgle your babble
Gargle your gabble
I hate your tittle-tattle
so go & babble
gabble
babble
your pixy prattle
dribble
somewhere else
Mr Niggle! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh no!I have a serious bout of verbal diarrhoea!The words just keep spilling out of my mouth!Mr Chatterbox eat your heart out!Here i come!I'm going to have to build a wall of words around me.......& throw word spears up into the sky....until they vanish into the air!I'm trapped in a World Of Words!Oh no!I can't get away from words!They're everywhere!Words,words,words...................... .words & more words!Even if i don't say words.....i see words!I'm gonna suffer from wordophobia soon!Crikey!I still have to learn extra-terrestrial languages yet!
Oh no....if i translate my poetry it won't rhyme!Is there any such thing as Universal poetry or even Global poetry....using words that we can all understand?What about.....super...kaput...oops....arhhh....Um....Y eh.....Gggrrrrr.......ZZZzzzZZzzzz?
Cia & Goodbye!P.S.GooOse & oops! http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hang on!I'm just about finished!No-one will ever read all these anyway so i may as well keep on writing because i'll never read them!This is going to be the Biggest Book on Earth!1,000,000 pages long!No!It's going to be son long that it can't be stored on one disk!I'm gonna be a disko jockey & giddyup forever until i never stop!yeh!Gallop!Gallop!Gallop!Where's the coconut shells Bruce ya flippin' gooOse!
Ten more stories & then i throwing my pen away!OOps!Ten more keys & i'll stop! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Draw An Earwig!
===============
Go & draw an earwig
or i'll hit you with this fig!
Draw one...you fussy wrinkle pot
before i get really hot
& crimp you,you wig!
I'm telling you
i'm a good shot
with this fig! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Unusual Precarious Snail
============================
There once was a snail
for sale
that inhaled
& exhaled
It had no tail
& left no trail.
It escaped from
a fairy tale! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Go On Give Me An Orangepip!
===========================
Go on give me an orangepip
or i'll nip
your nose
& nibble on your toes,
so zip
your lips
& give me an orangepip
you wretched twit! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I Don't Want To Hear Your Nonsense!
===================================
Your nonsense
is at my expense
so get off my chest
& jest
your defence
at someone else's
expense! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

Okay then Mr Mad!
Don't read it!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Do Anything You Like?
=====================
Smell your toes
with your nose.
Put this fish
on a dish.
Chase the rat
off the mat.
Eat that big
weird earwig
& clap your hands
to the Elastic Band! http://www.performers.net/ubb/smile.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Old King Hole & His 3 Piddlers
===============================
Old King Mole
was a hairy old troll,
& a merry old soul
was he.He called for his pipe
& he called for his bowl,
& he called for his piddler's 3.
Every piddler had to piddle
fine,& a very fine piddle
had he.Piddle-poo,piddle
pee,went the piddler's 3.
Piddle-poo-poo-pee-piddle-pee! http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

What's The Matter?
==================
What's the matter?
Has your house got any fatter?
Can't you stand
chitter-chatter?
Did the Mad Hatter
steal your patter?
What's the matter?
Does anything matter? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Where Do I Belong?
===================
I don't seem to belong
anywhere?
Upstairs
Downstairs
Here
There
or
Anywhere!
Am i Wrong? http://www.performers.net/ubb/confused.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Priest That Was Eaten By The Beast!
=======================================
There was a priest
that was allergic
to yeast,
so he rejected the host
of the Holy Ghost
& was then eaten
by the Beast! http://www.performers.net/ubb/mad.gif

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh I'm Not Much Good!
=====================
I'm not much good!
I wonder whether i should
do myself in
& put myself in the bin?
Maybe that would
make me good? http://www.performers.net/ubb/eek.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Ride Away Henry
===============
Ride away,ride away,
Henry shall ride'He shall have a fussy rat
tied to one side;
he shall have a little frog
tied to the other,
and Henry shall ride
to see his grandmother. http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Ever So Silly Toad
=======================
There was a toad
that acted the fool
ontop of his toadstool
& sang a terrible toady ode
in front of ten other toads! http://www.performers.net/ubb/tongue.gif