Melbourne

[nick nickolas]

Hello fellow clowns

One place I have never played is Melbourne...

I will be there in a couple of weeks.....

Need to know the deal on busking,,,licences,,,contacts....etc...

Also any comedy club contacts...

cheers Nick

[Peter Voice]

Gee Nick,
I don't think we can help you there.
I asked Bev, Andy, Shep, Pro, Dan, Chris, Tim, Cathy, Justin and Sam. No-one knows a good place to work, they are all starving, hate the place and besides the weather will be shithouse during the period you are planning to come. There are no known pitches here.
Some suggested you talk to Hotch, he has handled several entry-level performers here in the past.

[Johnny Massacre]

Hello Melbourne performers,

My name is Johnny Massacre, I'm an irish circle show act. I've been here since Monday and the only pitch they'll let me work is shite during the week. I've resorted to three club walk by as I spent all me money boozing in Thailand. I've just come from Freo where everyone is pissed off with a very quite pitch. Doe's is get better or am I gonna have to punt my ass for the price of a pint???

Any advice would be great as the council seem to be working hard to squeeze out the pro shows.

Cheers

John

P.S. The performers down in Freo and Perth are lovely people, thanks for yer help. I hope to return the favour if you stick yer collective noses in my neck of the woods.

[nick nickolas]

Well since none responded to my enquires (oh apart from Peter’s helpful hints) I will tell all what I have learnt in this fair city....

There are a couple of permits to aquire St Kilda and The City....

St Kilda is a beach Promenade which stretches about a kilometre or so from The Esplanade an Old Aussie Tavern down to ‘the village’ an assortment of funky clothes shops, record stores and coffee bars preceded by Luna Park, a Coney Island styled amusement park. This is a sidewalk with a beach on one side and grass on the other during the day full of bathers, people playing frisbee, or the sand dwellers who just lye and fry in the searing Aussie Sun. But in the evenings people walk hand in hand romanticising with the sunsets possibility if you have a smallish show or are a musician.

I first played to the side of the Luna Park entrance which is a giant mouth attracting thousands of people into its side-show stomach intent of digesting from them their cash...

Saturday I’m not saying it was hard but when your biggest drop is from a seagull you know it’s time to slide away.
Sunday was considerably better as there is a market the length of the strip attracting people. I competed with howling sea breezes and a balloon clown managed to extract some cash and make ‘em happy, very low attention span though....short shows.

Licence costs $45 and is obtainable from St Kilda Town Hall...See Sophie, with some Promo stuff..

The other permit allows you to work in Various parts of the City Bourke St Mall while it used to be good I have heard has closed down on ‘circle’ acts and is now full of statues/ musicians which if you are one of the latter looks affluent..

The ‘circle’ acts tend to hang out at Southgate Mall which is a wide concrete walkway by the side of the Yara river with trendy shops, bars, restaurants accompanying the land side, consequently this strip is full of people walking with spending cash.

It seems to be that you can perform almost anywhere down here and do anything, bit of a free for all apart from Friday evenings where there is a draw at 6pm for the centre spot ( outside Esso building) 5/6 45 min shows...

Saturday 1pm and 6pm for the same spot and Sunday at 11 am for ‘Esso’ and ‘market’ Spots....these can be good but also slow build depending on the heat factor. A lot better than the Luna Park it seems.

Licence is free from Melbourne Town Hall, Swanson St though a couple of proofs of ID are needed and a promo ....

The vibes are good and acts relaxed with each other it’s just damn hot some days....
and yeh Johnny Massacre is now a Guinness swilling millionare

Nickolas

[ 01-07-2003: Message edited by: nick nickolas ]</p>

[nick nickolas]

Melbourne ...Australia...

.The land where you stay in during the day...with windows closed as not to let the eternal escalating heat in...

Fans are blowing and we’re running the cold tap constantly with the fridge wide open inviting coolness to fill the house.

The weird thing is here in the height of the summer suns rays the trees are a moulting, crisp brown leaves crunching under foot as I walk through the parks looking for stalkers to stalk.

Yes that is my new game stalking stalkers, hey I stalked one the other day crunching leaves simultaneously with my target as not to arouse suspicion,
He walked, stalked, snuck and crept round the blocks and ovals of St Kilda for hours, frequently peering over trees and between bushes.

I would follow,after peering his same peers and creeping his same crunchy steps, calculating his positions using angular mathematics I stared his stares, ‘till I realised he was staring at me... staring at him.

Never making a sound we stared we stalked.
The stalker’s stalker was being stalked,
that is me! Is this my shadow?

It’s 5pm have I been out in the delusive sun too long?
Weaving, crawling, deluding, hallucinating... needing water, I arrive home (still being followed)....

The taps have run dry and the fridge smells of dehydrated vegetable matter, parched is a hard word to say with cacti taking root on your tongue.

So I sit here sucking on a stone hoping the Aboriginals were right and there is a wee lake in the centre of this geological myth, hoping this isn’t a hundred year old crystallised dingo dropping I’m rubbing cacti with.

Stone or poo, legend or myth nothing seems to be happening, cubes of rock salt tumble down into the arid barren craters of my tongue like casino dice, snakes eyes penetrate my brain.

Donning a shady tarp and drinking sunscreen i again venture out in search of rehydration, white and black shadows flit across may path in and out of the bushes, strange guttural noises lure me forward,

I follow through the searing, steaming, empty streets, crawling over dusty sun bleached cacasses and burnt out fire trucks, looking, panting, praying.

An incandescent neon glow is visible through the dusty smoke-steam, sirens wail, vultures circle, black and white shadows kaliede my vision ,

I walk closer, the neon starts to take shape....
’Stones’
It welcomes.

Confused, delirious, inquisitively I approach ,
dreamy mirages and guttural moans accompany a smoky room...

A green glint catches my eye, the floor is glowing,
the shelves are filled with emerald lights... I reach out ..
.stones...stones... stones...

Relieved, rehydrated I sit and stare and gargle ....

My saviour...
‘Stones Ginger Wine’

Slowly breaths life force back into this sun stroked, dehydrated, desiccated body of mind.

Nickolas Jan 2003

[Peter Voice]

Oh come on Nick, it was only 40C today, the weather bureau says it might be hot on Sunday though.

[em]

My mouth gapes open as i type in thick woolen gloves. ITS BLOODY -2 HERE IN LONDON!!!

Really, itried to put the key n the lock and couldn't because i had gone out on me bike with no gloves. They are now red raw and itchy fro chillblains. In a minute i am going downstairs to lie horizontally against the radiator. Its dark. Its too cold to go out side.

40 degrees.

I wish.

Oh I do.

Brrrrrr.

[Julia]

Well,
on the number of minus degrees Celcius I think I beat you all, I am in Sweden, its minus f****g 20 here, I have now been here for 24hrs, London is nothing compared to this(sorry em, though I know how you feel, England is alot more damp, but I am gonna rant for another few letters) Who invented winters anyway? To go outside right now you have to ware so many cloths that you can't even move, there is 4 hours of daylight at the moment, the whole coountry is depressed, and... I think I wanna go back... doesn't matter where, I think London, at least there is a better chance of making a living. So Em, I am comming over to join you by the heater:-), better there than here.
And Dear Nick, try not to melt, I know you have another few summers in ya' old man.
Love to all ÖÄÅ

and remember Sweden aint OZ

Jewels

[Ullarty]

It’s hard working 40 plus or minus, but no use feeling bad as well as broke when the weather does this nasty stuff... Melbourne’s in hot drought, it brings about a craving for water...
My ferns point their burnt fronds to the heaven beeseeching rain, and my fan is lolling its head about in a fit of heat exaustion well into the wee ours of this starlit morning.
Last weekend I braved the 'warmth' and basked on the stones of Southbank working.. Seven hours on Sunday sans sunscreen, shade and ozone has left me sloughing skin off the back of my neck like a brown snake in spring.. indeed it’s multi-blistered beneath the peel, and repilian to the both the touch and sight..
Yesterday, they said it was 26 but on the slabs you could cook a googy in 30 secs.. Circle shows squintingly projected to avenue crowds as the streetfolk clung to the shade of the trees. I was gifted with an enormous bunch of heady-scented pink Lilliums (my fave, and thats twice in one year!), just as I had resolved to exude cool positivity, rather than succumb to the sweaty apathy leeching out of wilting punters.. it was a lovely day in the end. (at home, cold showered, in the shady cool, beer in hand and bum on hammock).
Today, 30-fuckin-what! degrees, I packed my work kit with good intention again.. ..but, craving aqua rabidly, I instead headed to Southern Beaches instead of Southbank.. and at Blackrock, crew convened for the day to swim and snorkel the Cerberus wreck and see little fishies schooling in the sparkliing green, to toss the tennis ball, play seaweed games and speak shit on the sand..
Tomorrow will be 37. No doubt I will be seeking the sea with a snorkel rather than screeving the searing stones with a pastel.. I’m absolving myself of guilt...I’d rather wait for the clouds and cool to return, so Melbo town will be buskable, rather than let my self get all combustable again...

[Peter Voice]

Midday, Melb. Friday 24th.
It's "only 32" degrees C, the sun is blood red and the street lights are on because of the bush-fire smoke.
It's midnight now and 37c, tomorrow will be 40+ with winds up to 80kpm.

There are times when Melb. is fantastic and there are times when you should just not be here.

Good luck

[Johnny Massacre]

Naughty naughty Nick

I was never really a millionaire, I was only pretending. The limo was hired, as were the girls and the powder was all shake and vac...........still a man can dream. You're sorely missed for pub action between shows, as Tim is the only other booze hound on pitch. But, slowly our numbers grow, I have managed to get nearly everyone on pitch in for a couple of pints at one stage or another. Usually more than they planned. Myself and Tim have had a giggle at the sore heads on pitch. Life is good on the dark side. hoo hoo hoo.

It was great to hangout, look forward to the next time. As it's your F**king round.
Take care
John

[Johnny Massacre]

I'm not really in Ireland, I'm in Australia.........I can tell cos the beers poo.