Jokes for Knife juggling act?

[Neil Brown]

Would anybody out there be willing to share any good jokes for a knife juggling act?
So far I use:
"If I mess this up, I'll get the chop"
"I practise by juggling lemons; they're sharp too"
"I tried doing this at night- well, I say tried, it was more a stab in the dark really"
"Good luck to any driver who tries to cut ME up"

[Neil Brown]

[le pire]

The lemon joke is not very strong because there is no connection between your set up & punchline.

Perhaps...

When I was in wisconsin I tried juggling with cheddar cheese, but it was too sharp!

Try thinking along the lines of a "story" that can connect your jokes, i.e. You where in wisconson to do a show, you took a cab with a wisecracking driver, the lights in the theatre didn't work, then your audience volunteer got the chop...


hope this helps,

é t i e n n e

[le pire]

ok I just saw you are in England, so a wisconsin-cheese joke won't work. Irish cheddar perhaps?

You can always make fun of Wales, but that's just too easy isn't it?

é t i e n n e


p. s. speaking of ireland...

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland- rich and thick!
Samuel Beckett

[Neil Brown]

Thanks a lot for that- it makes loads of sense, and I hadn't thought of it before. Normally, I'd use humour in the style of one-line "snaps," but I am sure going to think about this!

My first ever street show is just over a month away, so I'm definitely open to any advice like that! I think that I'll do what I can, and then adapt according to response!

Thanks,
Neil <img src="graemlins/jester.gif" border="0" alt="[jester]" />

[ 02-11-2002: Message edited by: Neil Brown ]</p>

[nick nickolas]

ADVICE http://www.performers.net/ubb/biggrin.gifon't wait a month, do it today!!!

[This message has been edited by nick nickolas (edited 01-19-2002).]

[jonnyflash]

Tell em your dr./shrink/mother told you to never do this trick again,
Since the last time you tried it you ______________________________but because ___________________,you are going to do it just 1 more time.

[Todd]

At the risk of sounding preechy, the best thing anyone can do for you as far as jokes is to tell you to write your own. I know you wrote in looking for jokes, but if we just dump a bunch of generic jokes on you, they will be just that, generic jokes with no connection to you or your persona/act. Le Pire is doing a great thing for you by looking at your jokes and telling oyu where they are or are not working.
The best advice I ever got on show lines I got from Johnny Fox about 7 years ago. Write your own stuff (or adapt it to you from others ideas) then do your show. Do it a bunch. If you do a joke in 5 shows and it never gets a laugh, cut it no matter how much you like the joke. It is probably not the joke for you or your show. If it gets a laugh in some shows and not others keep working the timing or the wording of the joke. it might be that it has too many word, the set up/punch line logic isnt clear to the audience, or that group just didnt get it. Keep tweaking and nipping and tucking the show, every show.
One thing I do to come up with new stuff for my show is to start by making lists of ideas for jokes, or absurd situations involving the prop, trick or situation. Then I just write eveything down that come into my head involving the best from the list. Then you just got to do it in front of an audience. They are your best gague for what works and what doesnt.
The old vaudeville rule is if you have a new 30 min show then you will propably end up with 2 or 3 really good mintues of show and 27 to 28 of stuff to cut and re-work.
Drew Richardson has a great website with sections on creative thinking excersizes to help work up new stuff for you show. I highly reccomend taking a look at his ideas.

www.dramticfool.com (http://www.dramticfool.com)

Good luck!
Heavy hats

Todd

[Stephon]

Johnny Fox actually talked to you? Wow. <img src="graemlins/haha.gif" border="0" alt="[ha ha]" />

[The Pretty Good]

how about If you people dont start clapping I am going to stab you with one of these knives. Then I am going after your wife and kid with the other two. do you think they would clap?

[Thom]

Try this short version:

"Clap!
Or DIE!"

Thom Britain
www.thombritain.com (http://www.thombritain.com)

[Neil Brown]

Thinking about the "generic joke" principle, I have decided to carry on (until something changes my mind) in my old style, because I feel comfortable in it. My humour revolves around puns and wordplay, and so that is how I will continue- I think that it suits my character, both on and off the street. Having said that, I am pleased to say that my jokes have been tweaked a thousand times since Le Pire's first reply, and are going to be tweaked as many times as needed... Let's see how high I can count!

[Todd]

You rock brother!

It sucks, but I never stop tweaking stuff.
(unless it is some shity, but well paying corperate gig in which case the show is on auto)
The worst is when you decide to cut stuff that you like alot, because you just lost the delivery of the joke. I've done that alot over the years. It is good when you discover that, because (I think) it means you are growing as a performer and out growing old jokes/bits. Actually you end up dropping stuff you created when you were a less developed, or creatively younger performer and you have just grown beyond that piece/joke/bit only to have it replaced by better stuff.

Right now the bit/jokes I'm in love with finding and working are the ones where the audience writes the punchline in thier heads. You give enough set up, or lead them down the right path to where they end up writing the funny moment in thier heads. Nothing is more powerfull than the imagination, and it is great when you can get your audience to use thier own. Hitchcock was great at doing this in his work. Which is why I think he is so highly regarded as a creator. And had a mean big unicycle show.

Onward
Todd

[nick nickolas]

Neil.....it's been a month now mate.....


How was the first show there????


NN <img src="graemlins/jester.gif" border="0" alt="[jester]" />

[ 02-19-2002: Message edited by: nick nickolas ]</p>

[Neil Brown]

Nick,
Sorry, "just over a month away!" My first show is in 4 days time- Saturday 23rd February 2002, 1000-1400, or so the licence states! I know that I'm leaving it too late to put into the show, unless I bunk lectures and spend all my time practicing, but I have discovered that I CAN juggle knives whilst unicycling- I only got a uni a month ago, so I'm quite pleased!
Still, I will DEFINITELY post how I got on, if nothing less than the fact that I owe all you guys and gals a great deal for all the advice you've given me. Roll on Saturday, roll out the puns!
Neil

[LUCKY DIAMOND RICH]

Dear Neil,
what about this one-

you say that you use to through the knife under the leg!
And ,you say that my brother taught me that trick know he's my sister!

Good luck on your upcoming show!

LDR

[Neil Brown]

Hi!
I've just been reading through this thread again, in search of further inspiration, and just want to point out how much my thinking has changed since your inputs. The poor jokes at the bottom of the thread have, IMHO, slowly morphed into (hopefully) slightly less-poor jokes, and, best of all, I feel comfortable using them, whilst appreciating that they are going to change further. What started off as terribly poor one-liners (Le Pire was right- although he was more polite and helpful than just saying that they were crap...) may actually be funny. I can see why it takes so long to develop a successful show- but at least I can feel vaguely confident when tomorrow's tomorrow comes!
LDR- thanks for your joke; for the first time I feel confident enough (and without feeling arrogant) to say that I like the basis, but I'd need to give it some serious work to suit me! Perhaps that's what everyone's been trying to tell me- that when I personally find something amusing, tweak it until it really is amusing.
This has turned into a far more rambling and boring post than I had intended, so I'm going to shut up now.
See y'all,
Neil

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Here's a standard old vaudeville bit, famed in song and story, proclaimed by knife jugglers through the ages...

"A lot of people ask me how sharp these knives are."

silence, tumbleweed blowing through...

"AHEM. A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME, HOW SHARP ARE THESE KNIVES!"

At least one will ask, otherwise, repeat or run for the hills, and the answer is...

"Well, they're a lot sharper than this audience."

[The Had Matter]

Hey All - just thought I'd let you know neils Knife stuff rocked - we made some money and had a laugh - and now I'm hooked on street performing.

[clapchap]

"now here's something you dont usualy see in a dull show like this..."