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Old 02-23-10, 04:24 AM   #3
Doctor Eric
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: The Inner Bowels of Roseanne Arnold
Posts: 955

Get the quotes off of your face.

Make them look pretty, not illegible and ugly.

Ditch the ones that are more than 13 words. Too much info, you talking, and me trying to read and listen at the same time? No can do.

You have too many of them anyway, you would be better served by using 3 really good, short ones, at key moments, rather than a barrage of quotes, some of which are very blah, I stopped reading them real fast.

I find the term "comedy super hero" to be childish, pretentious, ridiculous, and most of all, completely untrue. I'd be much more interested in your name.

Along with that, you don't need your phone number in the corner the whole time, it's just visually distracting.

You have quite a few good jokes. Opening with the racist one isn't a very good idea. there are a few other things that should be clipped out, or moved around, I think a bunch of time should be devoted to re-editing, but there are too many little instances for me to list them all.

I agree with too long. There was a point that I was sold. For the market that you're poking for, you're good, and probably better than a lot of the choices out there, trim off all the fat, you're good enough.

The music is entirely unnecessary. Use quick burst of music in cuts, if you feel you have to, but throwing it in the background is a waste, and it's distracting.

I REALLY wish your footage looked nicer. If you can get nicer footage (preferably with nicer sound, as well), do so.

I just watched it again. Your jokes go from fucking stupid, to good and likable. Cut the first two, and start with the third. It's totally okay to go from good and likable to fucking stupid, because now we like you, the other way 'round, we may not give you a chance.

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