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Old 02-23-10, 11:47 PM   #7
Doctor Eric
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: The Inner Bowels of Roseanne Arnold
Posts: 955

I like the pacing, at least for the first half, much, much better now. Like miles better. The last half still starts to drag, but I don't think you changed much.

Watching it now, as well as reading Allison's comments, you should probably put some TRICK footage in the second half. I didn't realize you didn't have much footage of you doing anything, and I'm pretty sure the only footage you have of a stunt or a trick is eating the cabbage. It's good, and it's funny, but it's in the middle, and it makes the video peak. after that, you go beck to jokes, and the jokes you put in at that point are wordy. It's REALLY hard to go from one-liners, to stunts. Wordy jokes make people think, cheering for a trick is easier. People resent it when the pacing goes that way. either just end this thing with the cabbage, or rearrange it, and throw in more stunt footage after that part. I just woke up, I hope what I'm saying is clear enough to understand.

The expense factor is important, but I think it's more about the footage than your suit. The footage of the theater looks really nice when panned out, but there is too much red on stage, and the camera obviously doesn't do heavy red well, when it zooms in, it looks like ass. But probably the best thing to do is work with what you have, and then hire some real pros later to film in a good setting.

As far as the quotes and the contact info. Yes, it looks distracting, but mostly, it looks bad. It's ugly, and makes the thing look low rent, try it without any text on top of it, and see the difference. There are subtle things you can do to make it look nicer, Scot is always my go-to guy on tricks like that, but in all honesty, I think you'd be best off taking all of it out, put your contact info and your good quotes in the rest of your promo, because it's making your video suffer right now.

Oh, the opening you had, with the logos? That was good, put it back in, it inspires confidence in clients. The "operators are standing by" thing? Drop it, it's cheesy, and comes off a bit needy.

That's the important stuff.

As far as your question: "cut the "racist" joke (how is that racist?-maybe you meant funny)"

No. If I had meant funny, I'd have said funny. Before I even start, I should mention that although it's REALLY hard to offend me, and I do TONS of race material, taking a cheap shot at Indians, with a really hack joke is one of my few buttons. It'll set me off every time. My grandfather, who helped raise me, was a fullblood Carolina Cherokee, I've been an environmental activist, involved with Indian affairs since I was 17 years old, and in 2004, I voted for Leonard Peltier. But I'll tell you why it's offensive.

#1 It's a hack, hack, premise. That's okay and all, but it's REALLY hack, and REALLY cheap.

#2 And this is the main one.... There is an old comic's adage. "Tell a black joke to a mixed audience, and it's comedy. Tell a black joke to a white audience, and it's a rally." There aren't any Indians in your audience to defend themselves. It's a cheap shot, at a group of people that not only aren't there to speak up about it, but are also the most abused group of people in the United States.

#3 It isn't funny.

I'll end my rant now. Spiffy up the second half, the first half moves real nice. I really think you should throw in more trick footage. And take out all the text in the main video (barring the opening and ending). Trust me, it'll look a lot better.

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