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Old 03-16-08, 11:47 AM   #2
Lee Nelson
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: departure lounge
Posts: 353
Default red rag

A very big asshole!

Before you find out how big an arsehole you can be though, you could try to have a wee chat to them outside of showtime, perhaps explaining how their actions are inconsiderate and hurting your hat. If they continue with their assholeyness in full knowledge of how it is hurting your livelihood, unleash the beast!!!

some helpful starters

refer to them as "God Botherers"
tell the crowd that "These are bad people and will go to hell"

my favourite method might think it would never work but it does...follow the steps.

1/ Draw everyone in the audiences attention to how their actions are upsetting your comedy and focus. Even if it isnt make it seem as though it is.

2/ Get everyone to agree that this is bad.

3/ Get everyone on the count of three to say...
"Go to church and leave us alone"

Trust me, this is a very satisfying experience and will more than make up for past losses to your hat that one show alone.

The more times you do it over the course of your stay on that pitch, the more creative and assholely you can become until they finally learn their lesson. You start to acknowledge that they are not only pissing you off but your crowd too.

They dont hang around long after that. Even losers like them have a self esteem threshhold.
Bewarned though that sometimes they will come back after having decided to play by your rules. This can be devastating. They can form a street group that passes the message eternal salvation thru the medium of contempory/interprative dance. This will make you wish for a Chilean Pipe Band.

However do not use this tactic on the "single mad preacher man". It will never work. He is righteous in his purpose and probably carries a knife.

Good luck with them.
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