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Old 09-14-06, 02:09 PM   #81
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Butterfly

You guys are spoiling a good thread. Punch all the people you want and eat fire. Just do it somewhere else.
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Old 09-14-06, 02:20 PM   #82
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I heard Johnny Cash use this once at a prison gig:

"I sorry I couldn't hear you, I was talking."

Works pretty good with kids too...
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Old 09-14-06, 03:04 PM   #83
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It's not a heckler line, but I was using this for a while...

I had a joke with the word douchebag in it, when I'd get the "OOOHHHH!" I'd say this

"Come on parents, how would any of your kids know what that is? Look..."

I'd walk up to a five-year-old

"Do you know what the word 'douchebag' means?"

He'd shake his head "No"

"It means 'The Greatest Father in the World', is your Daddy a douchebag?"

nods

"Go ahead and tell him then..."

"Daddy, YOU'RE the DOUCHEBAG!"
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Old 09-14-06, 05:00 PM   #84
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"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!" then stick your toungue out and wiggle your arse.

It's an oldy, but a goody.
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Old 09-14-06, 08:45 PM   #85
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Kids, this show is sponered by broccoli, so eat it!
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Old 09-14-06, 09:09 PM   #86
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I dream of a world where we all use all of the same lines.
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Old 09-16-06, 08:32 AM   #87
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Default Towing the Party Line

'You're the reason some species eat their young."
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Old 09-18-06, 03:40 PM   #88
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I know Aj, I've met Mat on a few occasions.
AJ is actually a very decent guy. Mat comes across as a very 'dark' person. I couldn't comment further except to say that in my opinion a line like 'if you don't shut up I'll kick you' is unliikely to come across as comedy from him.

You all mostly seem to be missing one point which is AJs' son wasn't acting out of line because Mat had solicited the boos from the crowd. AJs son simply was a little more enthusiastic than the others probably because being a performers son he had learnt that it's good to support the wants of the performer you're watching. For this he was threatened with violence.
Not funny or clever.
If you're having to heckle kids in your show so much that you need a whole bunch of lines for it, to me it seems that there is probably something wrong with your show.
Don't forget you perform your show in a public place for everybody that happens to be around. If you don't want to keep kids as well as adults entertained, than you should move indoors and inforce an age limit on entry.

Don't pay out on little kids just because they are enjoying the show in a way that you don't like.
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Old 09-18-06, 03:45 PM   #89
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Living where I do, i rarely have any trouble with kids in the show. In fact I just finished 5 days of work in Serbia where the kids have far more respect for adults thatn they do in most places I've been.
If I do ever have any trouble with them I simply say ' parents please take responsibilty for your children. If you don't, I'll sell them to the Gipsys.The next time you see them they'll be 35 and doing what I do for a living only without shoes and success.
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Old 09-18-06, 04:38 PM   #90
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Gav,

We're enjoying posting and reading heckle lines for kids.; this doesn't mean any of us are heckling kids so much that we need a bunch of lines for our shows, but thanks for the educative tip.

Saturday, partially out of thoughts from this thread, I blurted out "Who is raising these monsters?" Very big laugh, actually, except for two people.
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Old 09-18-06, 07:13 PM   #91
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Quote:
Originally posted by gav
You all mostly seem to be missing one point which is AJs' son wasn't acting out of line because Mat had solicited the boos from the crowd.
You're right, I did somehow completely miss that part of the story.

Sorry about that AJ. Please disregard anything I said related to the booing.
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Old 09-18-06, 09:12 PM   #92
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Default maaaaaan!

I started this thread years ago to get some input from others that would help the creative juices flow.

There have been some really great ones on these pages that i'm sure others have used.

At no time did i want to do a show where i ripped on kids for no reason.
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Old 09-19-06, 07:30 AM   #93
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"Ah, thanks kid; that reminds me. Everyone please stop by after the show and sign my petition to install bent coat hangers and a bottle of whisky in all public restrooms. Let's think of the less fortunate here."
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Old 08-27-07, 02:37 PM   #94
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Here's a coupon for a free Michael Vick puppy.
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Old 08-27-07, 04:47 PM   #95
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How 'bout this one: "For being the most obnoxious kid in the crowd, I have a prize...." then hand the kid a toy with a big tag that says MADE IN CHINA
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Old 08-27-07, 06:17 PM   #96
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Here's one to make up for it, all you sensitives...

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of you so much, I just thought you'd be better."

Gav. I have tons of heckle lines in my street shows because I lead the hecklers and I play with them like it's a LIVE show. So many performers do canned shows where everyone one is exactly the same, audiences are refreshed.
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Old 08-27-07, 07:40 PM   #97
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And Gav, seriously, lay off, 60% of my show is aggression towards kids, the meaner I am the more they love it. Little bastards.
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Old 08-27-07, 09:11 PM   #98
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Default I stold this!

I stold this some where down the line ,it always works... "get out of here kid you bother me!" I like your douchebag lines Doctor Eric. I'm sure I'll need it some time in the future,I only hope I will remember it when I need it the most! Hey Dallas come on down we are scheduled to shoot that buskers TV show on the 12th of Sept. Call me. Any one else can come too. It's one of 11 shows to be shot in11 cites about busking in America, for the travel channel.
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Old 08-27-07, 09:20 PM   #99
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Default on our way saturday!!!

Jeep,

Nick,Sharon and I ARE coming down Saturday night. We won't get in 'til early Sunday. Will work Sunday and Monday and head back up here.(Nick's in school)
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Old 08-28-07, 03:49 AM   #100
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Default cheers gav

Its been a year since the incident with Matt Ricardo.
just wanted to say thanks Gav for pointing out the crucial facts of the case that so many idiots commented on with out knowing them. I can't believe how nicey nicey appologetic I was to all the ignorant people that dared to be so insulting to my character.
now I don't feel so vulnerable to wankers criticism , I just want to say to all those that had the gall to insult me after I had a traumatic experience. you are going to have to face me one day and I can't wait. I won't forget , to you it was just an everyday pass time of insulting people from the safety of your computer , but for me it was a rare occasion that I will never forget and I will never forget those who thought they could speak to me disrespectfully.
dr eric, where abouts do you work, I am planning a trip to the divided states of hypocrisy , and I want to come and find you, we could carry on our discussion face to face
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