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Old 12-06-01, 06:01 PM   #81
martin ewen
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Could people please stop using airbornes parameters, its unsanitary.
My sex life with chickens has a long and interesting history.
It began at Thanksgiving when I was 7 and it wasn't till many years later that I actually formed a romantic attachment with a live bird.
After being fired from my third KFC for unwelcome additions to the herbs and spices .My christian youth leader suggested I move out of town till the population regained their appetites.
(I never understood why the gag reflex was so predominant in my presence)
I went to work at my uncles farm and that is where I first fell in love with my first early riser.....
To be cont....
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Old 12-07-01, 12:31 PM   #82
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Wow this thread is really starting to get interesting. Well put Jim, lets eliminate homophobia, and while we're at it let's also get rid of racism, sexism and any other ism that attempts to group people into general categories. Every life is a universe.

In defense of Triona, I must say I would normally disagree with her that homosexuality is a choice. But for once I'm going to agree with this widely held and normally incorrect sentiment. You see I'm not just a juggler / comedian. I also do a strong man show in which I rip phone books in half, bend steel bars with my bare hand and juggle 16 pound bowling balls. I'm 6 foot 3 and my body is covered with rippling muscle. And so for example, if I "chose" that Pokie Poke was gay I could pretty much hold him down and make him homosexual.

And Martin, my parameters are unsanitary? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. You cock sucker.
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Old 12-07-01, 01:03 PM   #83
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Um Dan,

Since you have no idea what Pokie looks like (the name is quite deceiving), that's a pretty bold statement.
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Old 12-07-01, 04:23 PM   #84
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[quote]Originally posted by Triona:
How can one truly say that they were born gay? We live a fair number of years before we're really aware of our sexuality. *****************************

Then how could one "truly say" they were born HETEROSEXUAL?

*****************************
[quote]Originally posted by Triona:
As for trying it, I'm sorry but I'm not interested. If it works for you, that's great. I do, however, resent the fact that you don't seem willing to accept that I'm hetrosexual when I am willing to accept that you are not.
*****************************

Well Triona in case you haven't noticed, so far it HASN'T worked for me!
Note the topic heading; "OUT YOURSELF HERE!"
I've been TRYING, but as of yet I seem to be a Failed Lesbian.

I've just been playing around, Triona. Forgive me!
My come-ons were intended to ENTERTAIN, not offend. I was catalyzed by your first remark about me being "eliminated competition." I thought it would be healthy to get a playful dialog going between women. But this of course would necessitate a sense of humour, which I presumed you to have.

"Vilified?" You feel vilifed? Did you really think I was that hard up for Squishy Squish POONTANG from Pennsylvania?

No matter. Your resentment is duly noted.

Well Dan, I tried. Maybe it isn't a choice afterall. Good luck w/ Pokie Pokie.

I guess I'll have to redirect my sexuality elsewhere.

So now, Martin; about you and your "sanitary" fowl...
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Old 12-07-01, 04:52 PM   #85
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Hey Jenny,

Sorry, I realize that you were just joking. It's just that other people started on me, and it kind of bothered me. Like I said, my best friend was gay and I've spent a lot of time around gay people. I don't have a problem with them, but I've dealt with my share of hetro-haters who just couldn't accept that I could be hetrosexual and still accept them for who they were. That and the fact that they treated me as bad as they claimed straight people treated them. I was evil and a homophobe because I was straight.

I think the thread just got too deep. The arguements of what makes a person gay, are people gay from birth, etc. don't really seem to have definitive answers.

I do have a sense of humor, but I'm studying to be a stockbroker and I think there's something in the study material that tries to leech it out of you

Sorry to get everyone so riled up.


P.S. It seems Martin is bringing a new definition to "choke the chicken" (okay maybe not that new)

[This message has been edited by Triona (edited 12-07-2001).]
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Old 12-07-01, 07:40 PM   #86
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You only choke them if theres no foreplay.
You go barging into the henhouse all riled up and grab the nearest chook then really you have no-one to blame but yourself.
(although their still cookable after accidents)
Chickens have feelings, they need to feel wanted and appreciated and some are quite broad minded (in a tiny chicken brained sort of way)
One good feature is they don't get jealous as they usually have increadibly short memories.
My advice is to stay well away from emu's however.
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Old 12-07-01, 09:12 PM   #87
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So, Martin, if the chicken is "broad-minded" does that mean she's a lesbian?

[This message has been edited by Stephon (edited 12-07-2001).]
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Old 12-07-01, 09:22 PM   #88
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I am so selective in my tastes that I am only attracted to bi-sexual chickens.
(you have to watch them for a bit)
Luckily, because of my reputation as a poultry fucking panto, I get to watch my chickens, sometimes for months at a time, between gigs.
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Old 12-08-01, 12:15 AM   #89
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Fate gifted me with the chance to see Martin and his poultry fucking act a few years back, and was really a sensation. It was his birthday party material. I actually saw it at a bartmitzvah and WOW did it kill. Nothing like becoming a man by watching a sweaty drunk clown on stilts, pleasuring a grade "A" fowl. The only thing in his history that topped it was the "Vomit Show" he did in Japan.

[This message has been edited by Todd (edited 12-08-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Todd (edited 12-08-2001).]
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Old 12-08-01, 08:28 AM   #90
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i love this thread...
for the moment just a response to dan...
assuming pokie poke is a man
there is still a choice here--if you held him down you could force him to have sex.this would not make him homosexual, merely (homo) sexually abused...just a thought
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Old 12-09-01, 05:46 AM   #91
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What if Pokie poke likes it though? Then would that make him a homo?
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Old 12-09-01, 10:33 AM   #92
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This insidious slant that speculates that homosexuality is caused by amongst other things broken homes and sexual abuse seems to by its position to infer that sexuality , (when not nice and hetro and middle class and clad in Gap) is somehow the product of trauma.
"Poor poor gay people-I'd be attracted to anuses if my life was one huge one as well."
(I just used anuses for effect-Don't bother)
The world is full of gay animals-or animals that predominently engage in homosexual behaviour, (thats all it is in my opinion-behaviour)
And you'd be hard pressed to link these frolicing monkeys, birds and yaks with childhood indignities and dads who ran off with the toll booth operator.
I think the phrase I'm looking for is left wing liberal velvet glove bigotry.
Here chook, chook , chook ,chook.....
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Old 12-09-01, 12:39 PM   #93
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frack--if pokie likes it that would make him homosexual or more likely bisexual (we are still referring to a hypothetically male pokie)...but , i canīt help thinking that perhaps the term homo is offensive to those who are homosexual
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Old 12-09-01, 02:26 PM   #94
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It's an old story that, for example, a woman who was abandoned by her father as a child is likely to spend her adult life in a string of desperate relationships with men who will ultimately leave her; we seem to recreate the traumas of our childhood.

So, Martin, is a gay man who, as a child, was sexually abused by his uncle gay because of that abuse? I don't think so either (I don't believe sexuality, gay or straight, is a "condition"), but the truth is, we don't really know for sure what causes people to behave the way they do. I suppose it would make just as much sense that that same boy who was abused by his uncle would have grown up to an ultra-macho, cock-swinging stud who fucked a different woman every night and went out gay-bashing with his friends on alternate Sundays.

I don't think there's anything bigoted about speculating on the origins of sexual behavior (although I think it is ultimately a pointless exercise), unless that speculation leads to discrimination and hate-mongering.
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Old 12-09-01, 05:21 PM   #95
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I love pointless exercises. Getting up in the morning, going to bed at night, inhaling, exhaling.
To presume childhood trauma as a motivation for adult behaviour strikes me as a reluctance to grow up and fully accept responsibility for your actions.
There are just as many examples of painfull childhoods producing fully functioning productive balanced individuals as there are sorry tales of semi-concious quazi-adults blundering pitifully and repetitively through either a blinkered script of their upbringing or its inverse.
My point, other than chickens have many uses, is that trauma and sexuality are not related (in my opinion) and that to presume so infers a patronising superiority which has at its core a semi-disguised bigotry. Or the other aspect which is denial, "I was born straight but then sat on an electric toothbrush as a child and now am doomed/afflicted/reprogrammed by circumstance."
I, for example had an extremely ordinary and loved fulled upbringing and now as an adult I 'm proffessionally unhappy, I have sex (not poultry sex)at about the same frequency as Bin Laden purchases aftershave and I prattle on at P.net on any given subject because other than scaring children and adults for a living and experimenting with incoherence as a hobby I have very little else that interests me.
All these aspects are choices I've made.
Its much more fun than it sounds.
(ask nick)
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Old 12-09-01, 08:06 PM   #96
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An article on Gay Orangutangs (Hey that sounds like a band name.)

www.portal.telegraph.co.uk/news
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Old 12-09-01, 11:56 PM   #97
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All well and good, in theory, until it is revealed that Martin's loving upbringing took place in New Zealand, and that he had a neighbor by the name of...


... Foghorn Leghorn.

(this inside scoop brought to you by Extreme Skills Productions.)
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Old 12-10-01, 09:47 AM   #98
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Damn it, Martin, don't you make light of the toothbrush incident--that was a very personal moment for Bristly and me!
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Old 12-11-01, 12:34 AM   #99
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And I thought that toothbrush incident was just between me and Nickyboy ... that two timing bicuspid!
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Old 12-11-01, 01:58 AM   #100
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Hey!
I'm starting a new band this winter; "Jenny and the Gay Orangutangs."
A sort of funk/rhythm/electronica/jazz vocal blend.
So... who among you fagots are going to back me up?

-J
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