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Old 03-23-02, 08:34 AM   #1
nick nickolas
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Post The Royal Easter Show Akld NZ---- Nickolas

It's got giant pumpkins, award winning carrots, miniture horses, popcandy filled children experiancing fairground GForce rides on mass funded by their parents or social workers,tupperware, racing cars, wood chopping, crocheting ...basically it's got it all...and then there is us... the team of entertainers hired to keep the masses from exploding on toffee apples or getting lost for days in the rubbery layers of the bouncy castle.
Two shows a day, 10 days.. I only did one today because I had to organise some serious stuff to prepare for this omnious task...got a TV off Cookie the Clown so we can watch the Cricket Test in the dressing room.....
So wasn't there long enough to comment yet, but I can assure you as the days progress things will get more interesting ( this is only day one ).,
I mean mix all the above with the likes of Boo Boo the Clown, Garteh- Master of Fire and Steel, The Bohemian Dancers, Maori Warriers, Cookie the Clown,Andy Zap,BJ the bear,Martin,Me ...and oh oh so much more..........
Will keep ya'll informed...

Nickolas
So

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Old 03-24-02, 07:43 AM   #2
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Looking forward to a full days work today, sitting in the dressing room watching England beat NZ in the cricket and popping out a couple of times to put smiles on the punters faces....
It didn't happen as I expected, approaching the common room area at the forefront of the dressing room maze I was faced with at least a dozen elderly singing housewives dressed in some kind of blue and gold upmarket western attire all trying to croon in perfect harmony while Boo Boo the clown looked on with admirable satisfaction, how can they be so shiney at such an early hour I ask myself, I settle in amongst the harmony of cricket and kool aid..ahhhh
I ventured out into the grounds and was hit by the bright light and noonday sun.
Put myself infront of sunbaked, dehydrating, opiated people and spent half an hour trying to set off excitement amounts the staring sweaty masses, consequently becoming a staring sweaty mass myself , the only excitement was the miniature horse strolling into the show.
More cricket in the dark cool dressing room I endeaver;no,no the TV has overheated Martin put it in the fridge to cool it off but to no gain;
In the long day ahead I witnessed a bunny rabbit being fleeced of it's fleece to to make socks that give you a natrul bounce, underage kids riding bulls, big mighty men in Lycra lifting 300kg weights(I wonder if they they have got more words than aaaarrrrch in their vocabulary)
But amongst it all todays sweaty prize must go to Gareth aka porn star, clad in leather, balancing glasses on his head staring into the mid afternoon sun.

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Old 03-25-02, 04:01 AM   #3
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Decided to go in late today as I didn’t have to start ‘till 2pm, Martin decided to catch a lift with me even though he was scheduled to start roving at 11am (“oh I’ll be fine Cookie and Boo Boo will do the clown cover” he says)…
It starts to rain as we hit the motorway “could be rained off we both agree with smiles on our faces”
It carried on raining no show for me oh what glee (rovers had to go into the desolated homeware pavilions)….
Clown cover was dismantled before it started as Cookie turned up late (expecting Martin to be there on cover duties) and Boo Boo was nowhere to be seen…..
On the good side of things the TV had got over its imprisonment in the fridge and was working again
( maybe clown TV tech's working through the night)….
I left the grounds letting the clowns discuss various ways to pancake their faces…
Return for a 7pm appearance no rain, mild time out there to a dozen or so people…
Had a brief interlude with the security guard about keeping every thing locked and bolted for fear of the cats being stolen…??
Must find the cat pavilion tomorrow…..

Nickolas
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Old 03-26-02, 10:12 AM   #4
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Australia

I arrived at the Easter show and became a clown chauffeur driving two clowns (Lurk and Cookie) up one tree hill for a security meeting… which is an old Maori Pah (fortress)
As we looked over the site discussing the land mass between the Manakau Harbour and the Wiatamata Harbour ( 5% of which is the Easter Showgrounds ) I wondered what it is like to be a bloke in make-up
In a public domain when you aren’t being paid…. I found out, as a busload of prepubescent schoolchildren pooled out of a bus crying “Clowns, Clowns make me laugh”.
I left them to deal with it sauntered to the car and started the engine.
Now the Cats …imagine a 1000 seat theatre emptied of all seats and strewn full of cat paraphernalia. Strolling, looking and noticing 72 cat cages, 12 of, which were occupied, Manx. Tabby, Angora etc… Interesting was the Cat Grief Counselling stand, which included cat coffins, ashes boxes and wills, I now started understanding where the security guard was coming from yesterday, my theories are either a Chinese clown had bloken security and opened a restaurant, the felines had escaped or the Cat Grief people had poisoned them. I’m not sure but that was the only staffless stand in the arena…. Conspiracy maybe… mmmm shhh
There is a Fairground ride on site called ‘Lost in Space’ does that mean anything? …. Day 4…

P.S. The cat people have a stash of the best coffee and ginger nuts on site…we’ve found it !!


Nick

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Old 03-27-02, 06:20 AM   #5
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Hey!

Cowboys, kerosine, crochet and chicken are in the mix today
Approaching the gate which today was locked, bolted and manned by a retired paranoid farmer called Toby who was how can I say it …Slow… “Show me your passes” he demanded, then realising the occupants of the car were a 10ft acerbic pantomime, a Barnum clown with a burnt nose and a long haired lout from London he passed out! Opening the gate with axes we drove on, Cookie hitting his head on the roof as we left Toby behind ….
Gambling has made its introduction into play in the form of backgammon and beetle racing.
I am rapidly losing the plot as the dressing room stinks of kerosene. There are 2 fire acts in our troop both of which are scheduled to play in the light of day while crochet competitions are played throughout the night???.
As the greatest hits of the 70’s and 80’s waft through the air care of alexandra sound and the cowboy’s erect 60ft poles ready to be climbed and chopped, I wonder if there is any cat in this Chinese Takeaway that I’m scoffing……
Quote of the day “I’m finding this hard to light, my nose keeps getting in the way”…Cookie on a security meeting
Oh and I had a chicken sandwich for lunch…

Nickolas

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Old 03-28-02, 06:55 AM   #6
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Martin is passed out face down on the floor, make up smeared on pillow, and it’s the over the hump party…. Day six tomorrow,,,
Andy Zap is talking cultural sociology with Dave Sheridan at the bar as I reflect on today’s happenings,
The gate was an easy ride today as I bumped over Toby and banged my head on the roof…
Walked pass the orgasmatron and got vapoured into the Gforce ball, locked in this fiberglass cylindrical roll bar I was seriously spun out, my mental horizon entered into a kaleidoscope full of giant carrots, multitools, brown M&M’s and Angora socks.
Paint ball shots at the sheep trials from the dressing room window livened up the lack of beetle racing today..
High as a kite on kerosene I had to find something warm, discovered the Sleepwalker sleeping bags with legs, arms and zipper booties, I wandered around as a sweaty Mr Michelin for a while and surpassingly enough was offered $200 for extra walkabout work!!!
Still loads of vacant looking stallholders trying to move blow up aliens, key rings, massage chairs, frozen peanuts and liquorice pretzels …waiting…waiting.for the big weekend…. We’ll see…Easter is apon us….
Have to go and intellectualise with Zappy and clean up Martins urine…tarrrraaaa ‘till tomorrow…
NN
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Old 03-29-02, 04:53 AM   #7
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A seedy arising at 11.30 am, was kicked in with several hot feline coffees, hoodoo grubs and negative ions gushing from the showerhead, pumped up the Limo and started to drive…
Going off is not the word, there is so many people here the hot-dog lady is moving so fast they have had to install a strobe just so the punters can see her,
“These smell of piss” says Martin referring to his stilt pants, “Couldn’t find a mop mate” I answer as I leave to tackle the throbbing, pulsating, mass of hysteria that is out there,
Packed. Busy. Let me tell ya this pod is gonna burst…
It was so swamped out there I had to get a flying fox rigged up so I could get from the dressing room to the site.
Once there I erected a 13ft-burning cactus to get performing diameter of roughly 18 inches.
Climbed atop the cactus and did my finale which included the standard handstand on a rolla bolla whilst spinning the 8ft chainsaw with your toes and a fridge hanging off the left nipple.
I couldn’t believe it; they went wild, nuts, ecstatic,
An edge 20,000 deep!
People clambering over each other to watch to be a part of it, to get closer to ME! ,,,
Had to find a way out! How do I get out? … Then “Genius” I think to myself.
I loaded all my stuff into a samsomite, walked right over the tops of the screaming, heaving bodies (samsonite in tow) back to the dressing room. I lock all the doors and windows, climb out of the roof and dial a chopper to take me home.
The beer we drink here in the quiet surround of Devonport is called Martins and at $7.95 a six pack
It’s a tasty drop….
Today, I Thank Jesus for without him I would have never had an experience like that.

Nickolas

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Old 03-30-02, 08:18 AM   #8
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As the limo pumped laser slalomed it’s way to car park 17 avoiding lolly munching kids, Rodeo Clowns and hedgehogs along the way the occupants were looking forward to another fun filled day of crazy zany capers…
The crickets is back, hooray! Beetle racing has taken a standstill Boo! Kiwi’s 27 for 4 Hooray!
I’m having a good day…
Had a rain stop play show, after wringing out my cards, coins and cactus I sauntered to the green room ready for more cricket. I came face to face with 30 or so prepubescent schoolchildren, girls, with make-up which could have only been put on with a trowel and boys in flippers with gelled up hairstyles which quite frankly looks like they have been shagging rats!
Both sexes dressed in swimwear doing a choreographed dance rendition of “ Hey Mickey”…. Boo Boo was conducting!
The dressing room has become a cloud of talcum powder, gaffer tape, kerosene and magic dust, amongst this fog you can just make out the T.V. in the corner “Rain stops play” says the rectangular box in the void…”Dammit” I exclaim.
I entice a few games of backgammon amongst the clowns have some chrsanthamin tea, square dance pass the bohemian bongo players and pop into the cat pavilion for a gander.
After witnessing a pink fluffy stick wielding ageing woman hypnotising felines to lie on a table top while blue hairdo old ladies looked on with much glee, (they all clapped when the rosette was stapled on Dinky) I wander off to some opaque whale stranding music and ate a portion of deer.
Today was the day when the cowboys climbed their poles, the miniature horse shrunk, the banjo player broke, car cleaning was rationed, and the potato chips went on strike…Day 8

Nickolas

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Old 03-31-02, 04:21 AM   #9
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Today I wake up in a fleece filled cocoon which goes by the name Sleep Walker (www.sleepwalkersleepingbags.com), a potato topped pie hits me square in the head “breakfast” Martin utters. I munch away; tittering at last night’s conversations with Mr Talisker who now stands alone looking at me, half empty.
I ingest coffee, broiled mushrooms, warm orange juice and toothpaste…day 9 begins.
Smoothly arriving with 5mins ‘till ShowTime the heavens open…Rain stops play again!
The gambling continued with Cookie losing his trousers and nose then throwing clown tantrums. Cushions and toilet rolls fly from his squeaky gloves, I duck, they miss me, hit the Michael Jackson impersonator square in the head as he was minding his own business drying his sweaty shirts in the oven, he danced over to us with venom in his eyes,
His shirt caught fire
Moonwalking back to save the glittering garment his face melted!
The fairground has become a muddy mosh pit with people trying to throw 8cm hoops over 10cm podiums and catching plastic ducks with coat hangers hoping to win the latest in Elvis Mirrors,
There is a stall selling designer binliner rain coats,
The put put boats have been sunk by a tidal disaster
The Carter-Chan dance troupe come in from their show sogging wet with foundation, mascara and rouge sliding off their faces “they’re looking very much like Michael” I think.
The ice-cream man is giving away free product confused eyes stare at him blankly through binliner clad faces.
The Limo makes it home I open the laptop, climb into my SleepWalker with Mr Talisker staring at me half full.

One day to go…….
Nickolas
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Old 04-01-02, 12:16 PM   #10
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Day 10… The finale, the day to end all days…
The wind blew up and swirled into a tornadic frenzy. My eyelids blew off, my table was uplifted, the ground shrank, and cards were involuntarily ejected from my hands to have conversations with god, while my cactus spiked a few angels. All of which joined Dorothy’s slippers in a version of Over the Rainbow on the voyage to OZ
It’s a sad day today the bubble has burst, the page is undone, and normality is about to refill our world. Blow up aliens are deflated, and hamsters are caged but all is made immensely enjoyable as we watch bored children clean Emu shit from the stadium with Martin Gaffer taping their mouths up.
It’s lonely in the dressing room as the clowns pack up and leave. I collect gambling debts by the way of small electronic goods and noses as they bid farewell.
Taculm powder settles on the coffee stained carpet below my feet and the smell of rancid kerosene wafts passes the mirror for the last time.
I think to myself where did I put my check. I know this may sound to you to be totally unorganised but believe you me it’s petty compared to leaving a apple mac on a trailer fender (which Martin discovered he did after driving 10km home)
Great wrap party tonight with cowboys comparing hats, blues haired feline folks coughing up fur balls, magicians discussing child control and Russian opera singers complaining about the vodka.

It’s been a beautiful time for me and I hope the literal experience has been enjoyable for you

Cheers…Nickolas
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