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Old 12-29-06, 03:08 PM   #1
Rachel Peters
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Default Deprecate yourself blatantly here.

I've been acquiring a really bad habit of forgetting I have processed cheese in my pocket.

I should probably just stop eating processed cheese altogether.
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Old 12-29-06, 03:09 PM   #2
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Default Re: Deprecate yourself blatantly here.

Quote:
[i]I should probably just stop eating processed cheese altogether. [/b]
Sure...just keep telling yourself that.
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Old 12-29-06, 05:34 PM   #3
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*slap*....have you lost your mind??
that's just crazy talking....processed cheese is one of the wonders of the universe....and timeless....and they probbably processed it just so you could carry it around in your pocket worry free!!!
You can actually sculpt with it, eat it, show movies on it (okay, but it would have to be a really big slice of beautiful processedness) stuff stockings with it, stick your business card to it, occupy the children with it. Each slice is wrapped in such a way that it is like opening a new and exciting gift each time you unwrap it. It is a portable self-contained survival kit and if you get enough of the wrappers saved I am told you can make a sleeping bag that is good to -10 degrees.
I am not sure if it is true or not, but I faintly remember MacGeyver making a bomb out of soap chips and processed cheese.
One billion rats and mice could not be wrong!!

And you thought it was just cheese!!

So I say carry it in your pocket, sister and be proud!! Hold your head high with that pocket full 'o cheese.
Have you tried the aerosol cheese in a can?? It is to die for....now if only they will invent an aerosol cracker in a can.
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Old 12-29-06, 06:45 PM   #4
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That's fine and everything.

But have you ever opened up the dryer to find you had forgotten about a slice you had put in your pants pocket?

...Well, neither have I. But I'm sure it's horrible, and I anticipate it's the next step in my spiraling decline.

I have to stop myself before someone or something gets hurt.

You try cleaning single slices out of the lint trap and then tell me it's ok for me to put cheese in my pants.
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Old 12-29-06, 07:30 PM   #5
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Default Leon, one thing's got nothing to do with another thing...

The eating of the cheese, of the which you proposed cessation, has nothing to do with the placement of said cheese product in pockets.
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Old 12-29-06, 10:08 PM   #6
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The proposed cessation of the eating of said cheese would solve the problem. There would be no cheese to go lost in pockets.
If I have to choose between leaving the cheese or the pockets, I choose to leave the cheese, considering I need my pockets for the storing of non-perishable items, far more than I need processed cheese.

It may help me to stick to non-individually packaged cheeses, which I wouldn't consider storing in my pocket while I'm waiting to eat them.

I've been known to carry cheeses in my pockets for two reasons (actually, I'm not "known" for it. I've kept it a dirty, little secret until now):

1. I often have my hands full with, say, a plate and a mug and have nowhere else to put my snack of Kraft. I may sometimes be in the process of making something, while passing by the kitchen, when it strikes me that I'm hankerin' to gnaw on some dairy product (be it slice or string form). So, while my hands are full of cloth and scissors and glitter glue, I need a place to put my cheese.

2. Cheese is best served at room temperature. I don't like it straight out of the fridge. If I put it in my pants pocket as I walk from one room to the other, it helps the process and creates a more enjoyable taste experience.

I have a bad short term memory.
It is far easier for me to just stop considering processed cheese altogether than it is for me to remember that it's in my pants.

I once went three days, wearing the same pants, with a slice unknowingly stored in my back pocket. It was a horrible discovery.
I have since lost many more cheeses within my pants, and I just don't think I'm going to learn, unless I take drastic measures.

Thank you.
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Old 12-30-06, 06:44 AM   #7
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I'm very partial to Limburger and various pungent blue cheeses.

Please don't try them Rachel, they will destroy your life. Stick to the processed stuff.
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Old 12-30-06, 07:26 AM   #8
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Hey! I'm a big girl! I can handle it!!
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Old 12-30-06, 08:40 AM   #9
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Default Cheese

Worked a festival in Limburg, but still remains one of the few cheeses I don't like. Cheese fondues, ok tangenting. Love cheese!!!

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Old 01-01-07, 11:29 AM   #10
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When I was 12 I found some German WWII feild rations while raiding an old bunker with my friends in Hohne.

In them was lots of chocolate and tins of processed cheese. I wouldn't reccommend this.. but I was 12, and it was well wrapped, tinned and preserved...

....we ate the lot... and none of us were in anyway ill. That stuff was dated 1943 and it was 1976.

Long live processed cheese.
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Old 01-01-07, 04:54 PM   #11
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I was negative three years old in 1976.

sorry.
just felt like being a jerk for a second there.
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Old 01-06-07, 12:13 PM   #12
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Clown hic

12 years ago my Mother (bless her) said I couldnt do that for a living...Now I do, and I have so much fun doing it...just thought Id say!(whilst sitting in a pub and after a few...)So there we go.
Vernon
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James James
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Old 01-06-07, 02:35 PM   #13
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I'd like to deprecate and degrade myself by not only writing a tired, spunkless fuckwitted cliche but by doing it immediately after some other uninspired drunk has.....

Somebody, who meant well, who had my best interests at heart, who I probably really really annoyed with my awful self centred attitude, once told me that I could never earn a decent living by being an asshole.. but here I am thirty years on and I can afford to drink beer in an English pub!

But to be fair, not one of my teachers or my parents ever said such a thing... So I salute them for their patience and encouragement.
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Old 01-08-07, 05:41 AM   #14
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I just wanted to say my whole life was nothing really, sort of an accident of the universe.
Any-one would have done it if they'd been there at the time.
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Old 01-08-07, 09:34 AM   #15
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I object Peter.

I would not have chalked your vision or attracted the people you loved.

I don't mind modesty but I can honestly say I would have done it all far worse than you did!
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Old 01-08-07, 09:51 AM   #16
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common now. Let him depricate. If we can't "one down" each other in this thread, where else do we have to do it? Let the man insult himself in peace.

PS: I stink!
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Old 01-08-07, 11:06 AM   #17
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All I'm saying is I would have done a worse job of his life than he has. Whats wrong with a little healthy "One Downmanship."

I bet you don't stink as much as a bloke I had to work with yesterday... Phew! If anybody wants to know how bad my pavement art is they can email me and I'll send them a picture.
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Old 01-08-07, 10:33 PM   #18
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Thank you Jester, for giving me this opportunity to point out, to newbies, wannabees, up and comers and even some established acts (esp. those that know me), a perfect demonstration of the use and value of shameless self promotion.
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Old 01-09-07, 12:47 AM   #19
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well,i had a really observant high school counsellor....
"Get yourself self employed as quickly as you can...you'll never hold a job."



'
from class clown to world class clown....
papa dada

ps. Your name is Vernon?

'
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Old 07-31-07, 10:50 AM   #20
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I have what seems to be microscopic shards of "nature's fiber glass" stuck in my throat and tongue. It's been two days since I ate the wrong part of a piece of grass.
I'm preparing for a hopeful trip to the woods of NOrthern Ontario later in August, for some serious wilderness survival and I I've been eating plants here and there, as I come across them.
Lesson loined with this one. I'll remember to not chew on that wheaty part of grass. I feel like a dog who's attacked a porkupine. ...stupid.
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